technology is cool, right?
i just watched an hour of my own graduation ceremony online through a live stream. the picture quality was horrendous. but yes, today's the day i graduate. and although i missed out on it for various reasons (the main one being that my parents couldn't even come see me graduate), i watched four of the girls graduate live without actually being there. which is kind of neat. i mean, nobody in my program wanted to go. two of them are out west. others had to work or missed the deadline to RSVP to graduate. to each their own, i suppose. i'm not too concerned about missing it. sitting through a 2 hour ceremony again is not really in my best interest.
i now officially have an ontario graduate certificate in project management - environmental... although it's not quite in my literal hands just yet. but yay! i guess.
so, i got rejected from my dream job last week. pretty much a bummer. and i haven't had any calls for interviews or anything since then; but i'm still applying everywhere. i've been filling my time with lots of volunteer things and networking events, as well as working on projects for my unpaid internship. i'm very busy as i just noticed while looking at my calendar. also, it's pride. and i'm performing on saturday june 30 from 5pm-6pm at the pride community cafe. i'm excited for that. and i'll be in the parade on july 1st.
i got an email from the events place, finally, after countless emails from my end of things. you remember this events place, yes? they hired me in april and told me i'd hear from them around may 24. then they said the first week of june. and now it's the end of june and the first time i've heard from them since may. they asked for my availability for "canada day". so i emailed back telling them what's up.
ohhhhh man. i can't even believe if this means i'll start working soon.
Jun 26, 2012
Jun 19, 2012
42 degrees and an interview or two
i've been job hunting for six months now and i just had my 7th interview.
i got a rejection email from the environmental centre on friday afternoon. i sort of expected it and didn't care too much. i know i could do it well, but it just wasn't all that workable for me, seeing as how it was a permanent position in the middle of no where.
today, i had an interview to work with a non-profit organization and on beaches/in the office all summer. this seemed like a swell role for me. i get to educate people and gain experience doing things, and manage a team of volunteers. this is an ideal position. and it was paid! i really hope i get this one.
our apartment was "randomly selected" this week to participate in the labour force unemployment survey. this basically means that i'm now a statistic in the job hunt and for the next 6 months, they'll be following up monthly to see whether or not i've found work. so next month when the unemployment rate comes out on stats canada, i'll be a part of that percentage. ugh. as if the job hunt wasn't bad enough already!
it took about until the end of june last summer to find 2 jobs and work interchangeably. and then about 3 weeks into it, i left one to gain more hours at the other and that that one let me go because there was no tourism/business/they overhired. maybe it's best for me not to try to jump into things so quickly to ensure i can have a steady job for the summer, even if it's only part-time. but i've stopped applying to shitty summer jobs only because i still wasn't getting any interviews for them. and i need experience in my field, really.
i won't lie though, last week wouldn't have been so amazing if i actually had a job. i enjoy being able to do whatever i want and am definitely keeping busy. but i'm hoping that will come to an end and i can spend my weekends on the beach all summer.
also, it's supposed to be 42 degrees today and it's only june. fuck that shit.
i got a rejection email from the environmental centre on friday afternoon. i sort of expected it and didn't care too much. i know i could do it well, but it just wasn't all that workable for me, seeing as how it was a permanent position in the middle of no where.
today, i had an interview to work with a non-profit organization and on beaches/in the office all summer. this seemed like a swell role for me. i get to educate people and gain experience doing things, and manage a team of volunteers. this is an ideal position. and it was paid! i really hope i get this one.
our apartment was "randomly selected" this week to participate in the labour force unemployment survey. this basically means that i'm now a statistic in the job hunt and for the next 6 months, they'll be following up monthly to see whether or not i've found work. so next month when the unemployment rate comes out on stats canada, i'll be a part of that percentage. ugh. as if the job hunt wasn't bad enough already!
it took about until the end of june last summer to find 2 jobs and work interchangeably. and then about 3 weeks into it, i left one to gain more hours at the other and that that one let me go because there was no tourism/business/they overhired. maybe it's best for me not to try to jump into things so quickly to ensure i can have a steady job for the summer, even if it's only part-time. but i've stopped applying to shitty summer jobs only because i still wasn't getting any interviews for them. and i need experience in my field, really.
i won't lie though, last week wouldn't have been so amazing if i actually had a job. i enjoy being able to do whatever i want and am definitely keeping busy. but i'm hoping that will come to an end and i can spend my weekends on the beach all summer.
also, it's supposed to be 42 degrees today and it's only june. fuck that shit.
Jun 14, 2012
financial troubles
you might ask how i'm surviving in toronto without a paying job.
the short answer is that it's not going well.
the long answer is basically as follows:
1. OSAP & financial aid
i still have a little bit of money leftover from OSAP of 2011-2012. they gave me enough to cover tuition and most of my rent/food which has helped significantly over the year and the past couple of months not in school. my rent is not cheap. food is not cheap. my social life also doesn't come cheap (unless, of course, dudes buy me beers all the time... and i've been flirting my way nonstop for this just because i'm so broke at the moment. it's working; don't judge me. i won't do it as often once i've found a paying job).
my estimate for september is about the same which is quite nice. i'll be able to splurge a bit because my tuition doesn't cost nearly as much as last year. in fact, it's about $2,000 less than last year. that's so amazing. i'm still scratching my head as to where the $6,000 i spent on tuition last year went and what i've truly gained from the program. i don't remember applying for any tuition assistance/grants/bursaries last year but somehow managed to be the recipient of a bursary that was enough to cover a month's worth of rent and groceries. so when i applied for those money saving things this year, the seneca website came back to me saying that my financial need was too great and they couldn't do anything to help me. really? because back when i was dependent on my parents and/or living at home, my parents made too much money for me to qualify for anything; or my summer working paid for most of my tuition and expenses; or OSAP covered a little bit of tuition yet was never enough. but when i'm an independent struggling to find a paying job, going back to school, living on my own, and have little to no savings because of rent/food/tuition/etc, i can't qualify for any assistance? geez. who does that money end up going to then?
2. attempts at savings
i never followed a budget while living in toronto but i probably should have. on rent and transportation, i'm looking at $777 + $104 a month = $881. plus the cost of food/beer. and i'd say i was spending $1,000 or more each month just to cover my survival. i had a lot of money saved up to move. it was enough to pay my full amount of first semester tuition $3,000+ before my OSAP came into my hands in september when i moved to toronto.
and even with that tuition, i still had lots of money left over from living at home for almost 2 years, working part-time during the school year and summers, not having any bills to pay or transportation costs (except my cell phone... and even then, my parents sometimes paid for that), not spending any money on food/groceries, and not going out nearly as much or spending too much when i did go out for beers. so yes, i had the ability to save and budget when i wanted to and when i had a steady source of income with no bills to pay. but since i made something like $2,000 over the course of last summer and the last time i worked a paying job was august 2011, it's no wonder that i don't have a lot of cash right now.
3. social life on hold
i've really cut back on going out lately. or if i do go out, i won't spend that much. i used to go out for meals a few times a week or order in, but i've stopped that too (and maybe i'll go out once a week.) i went home a few times in the past couple of months to save money on meals or i had certain things to do. my parents have been up visiting and have taken me out or fed me every time they come up. i just spent about a week at home to save money and was able to get them to pay for my toiletries for the next couple of months (and, every time i go home, gramma gives me moneys for coming home.. so that's pretty nice). sometimes, my mom will cook me food and i'll bring it back with me. there's a sheppard's pie and pasta sauce in my freezer that's been in there for about a month now. i should probably eat it soon. i'll go to friend's places and we'll have potlucks or barbecues and that's quite helpful in feeding me. i'm a hungry girl, okay, if you haven't noticed already!
4. interviews?
i finally had an interview at the environmental centre i've applied to like 40 times in the past 6 months. they emailed me saying that the full-time position i applied for was filled but they've opened up a part-time position and to re-submit my resume. i did and had the interview on tuesday. it's a part-time, permanent position, three days a week at about 20 hours a week. it extends past the summer but i never told them i was going back to school in september. also, it's in the middle of no where and sort of difficult to get to; i take a bus to a park, walk through the park to a trail, and hike about 2km to the centre. sure.. that's a nice walk in the summer during the daytime. but in the evning/at night/when it's raining/snowing/other inclement weather/etc it won't be very nice. and the cab ride is about $15 with a tip. so yeah, that doesn't come cheap either. i'm supposed to hear back "by the end of the week" but i may be turning it down if i do get it because of all of the things i mentioned above. we'll see.
i'm applying to lots of jobs constantly and not getting anywhere. my unpaid internship is going well. the second part of my research into the longboarding benefits calculations are going smoothly (now.. after some technical/"i can't brain today, i've got the dumb" issues) and it's helping me keep busy on these long, hot days when instead of spending money and drinking beer on a patio, i'm hanging out in my living room with the air conditioning on full blast figuring out the benefits of longboarding.
hey... job... are you out there? it's me... amber.
the short answer is that it's not going well.
the long answer is basically as follows:
1. OSAP & financial aid
i still have a little bit of money leftover from OSAP of 2011-2012. they gave me enough to cover tuition and most of my rent/food which has helped significantly over the year and the past couple of months not in school. my rent is not cheap. food is not cheap. my social life also doesn't come cheap (unless, of course, dudes buy me beers all the time... and i've been flirting my way nonstop for this just because i'm so broke at the moment. it's working; don't judge me. i won't do it as often once i've found a paying job).
my estimate for september is about the same which is quite nice. i'll be able to splurge a bit because my tuition doesn't cost nearly as much as last year. in fact, it's about $2,000 less than last year. that's so amazing. i'm still scratching my head as to where the $6,000 i spent on tuition last year went and what i've truly gained from the program. i don't remember applying for any tuition assistance/grants/bursaries last year but somehow managed to be the recipient of a bursary that was enough to cover a month's worth of rent and groceries. so when i applied for those money saving things this year, the seneca website came back to me saying that my financial need was too great and they couldn't do anything to help me. really? because back when i was dependent on my parents and/or living at home, my parents made too much money for me to qualify for anything; or my summer working paid for most of my tuition and expenses; or OSAP covered a little bit of tuition yet was never enough. but when i'm an independent struggling to find a paying job, going back to school, living on my own, and have little to no savings because of rent/food/tuition/etc, i can't qualify for any assistance? geez. who does that money end up going to then?
2. attempts at savings
i never followed a budget while living in toronto but i probably should have. on rent and transportation, i'm looking at $777 + $104 a month = $881. plus the cost of food/beer. and i'd say i was spending $1,000 or more each month just to cover my survival. i had a lot of money saved up to move. it was enough to pay my full amount of first semester tuition $3,000+ before my OSAP came into my hands in september when i moved to toronto.
and even with that tuition, i still had lots of money left over from living at home for almost 2 years, working part-time during the school year and summers, not having any bills to pay or transportation costs (except my cell phone... and even then, my parents sometimes paid for that), not spending any money on food/groceries, and not going out nearly as much or spending too much when i did go out for beers. so yes, i had the ability to save and budget when i wanted to and when i had a steady source of income with no bills to pay. but since i made something like $2,000 over the course of last summer and the last time i worked a paying job was august 2011, it's no wonder that i don't have a lot of cash right now.
3. social life on hold
i've really cut back on going out lately. or if i do go out, i won't spend that much. i used to go out for meals a few times a week or order in, but i've stopped that too (and maybe i'll go out once a week.) i went home a few times in the past couple of months to save money on meals or i had certain things to do. my parents have been up visiting and have taken me out or fed me every time they come up. i just spent about a week at home to save money and was able to get them to pay for my toiletries for the next couple of months (and, every time i go home, gramma gives me moneys for coming home.. so that's pretty nice). sometimes, my mom will cook me food and i'll bring it back with me. there's a sheppard's pie and pasta sauce in my freezer that's been in there for about a month now. i should probably eat it soon. i'll go to friend's places and we'll have potlucks or barbecues and that's quite helpful in feeding me. i'm a hungry girl, okay, if you haven't noticed already!
4. interviews?
i finally had an interview at the environmental centre i've applied to like 40 times in the past 6 months. they emailed me saying that the full-time position i applied for was filled but they've opened up a part-time position and to re-submit my resume. i did and had the interview on tuesday. it's a part-time, permanent position, three days a week at about 20 hours a week. it extends past the summer but i never told them i was going back to school in september. also, it's in the middle of no where and sort of difficult to get to; i take a bus to a park, walk through the park to a trail, and hike about 2km to the centre. sure.. that's a nice walk in the summer during the daytime. but in the evning/at night/when it's raining/snowing/other inclement weather/etc it won't be very nice. and the cab ride is about $15 with a tip. so yeah, that doesn't come cheap either. i'm supposed to hear back "by the end of the week" but i may be turning it down if i do get it because of all of the things i mentioned above. we'll see.
i'm applying to lots of jobs constantly and not getting anywhere. my unpaid internship is going well. the second part of my research into the longboarding benefits calculations are going smoothly (now.. after some technical/"i can't brain today, i've got the dumb" issues) and it's helping me keep busy on these long, hot days when instead of spending money and drinking beer on a patio, i'm hanging out in my living room with the air conditioning on full blast figuring out the benefits of longboarding.
hey... job... are you out there? it's me... amber.
Jun 4, 2012
one year anniversary
i just recently passed the one year anniversary of this blog on may 30th.
and this is my 50th blog post!
where was i a year ago? i was a recent graduate looking for a summer job while living at my parent's place in niagara falls. in those 3 months, i worked at imax theatre, margaritaville, java joe's, embassy suites, and sport chek. i also had countless interviews and sent off resumes to basically every place in niagara falls. i needed an escape. i had hit rock bottom. work was minimal. living at home was one of the worst things. i couldn't stand it.
a year passes and not a whole lot has changed. i gained more knowledge with a graduate program and plunged myself further into student debt. i moved out of my parent's place and into an apartment with my best friend in the world. i now called toronto my home. and -- up until this weekend, wouldn't have ever believed that i could live in toronto and function. this past weekend was a changing experience as i went for a short walk to use some coupons for dinner and randomly kept running into people i knew. it wasn't until the next day when i was in the wrong place at the wrong time when i truly believed i was a toronto resident -- involved in the eaton centre shooting, 7 people injured and 1 deceased.
luckily, i was above the food court when it happened and was on my way out of the mall when two ladies rushed out of a restaurant and told us to leave the mall immediately. outside, there was a gathering of over 2,000 people staring, taking pictures and videos, and stuck at a standstill on the sidewalk because of what was going on. social media has ruined lives this way -- instead of running for their lives, they're going to take a picture of it first. i didn't see anything out of the ordinary. nobody looked fearful and i didn't hear anything until we were outside. still, it's a bit scary and unreal.
i still don't have a paying job. i've taken on an unpaid internship with a longboarding company as their marketing/sustainability intern. i had my first day today and was assigned my first project to create an infographic about the benefits, exercise, costs, and carbon offsets of using a longboard. at least this gives me something to do instead of nothing. and after this article in the toronto star the next day after my interview, i was even more sold on the unpaid internship thing.
but, i'm still looking. i'm hoping somebody somewhere will eventually realize that they have the ability to pay me to do work too.
and this is my 50th blog post!
where was i a year ago? i was a recent graduate looking for a summer job while living at my parent's place in niagara falls. in those 3 months, i worked at imax theatre, margaritaville, java joe's, embassy suites, and sport chek. i also had countless interviews and sent off resumes to basically every place in niagara falls. i needed an escape. i had hit rock bottom. work was minimal. living at home was one of the worst things. i couldn't stand it.
a year passes and not a whole lot has changed. i gained more knowledge with a graduate program and plunged myself further into student debt. i moved out of my parent's place and into an apartment with my best friend in the world. i now called toronto my home. and -- up until this weekend, wouldn't have ever believed that i could live in toronto and function. this past weekend was a changing experience as i went for a short walk to use some coupons for dinner and randomly kept running into people i knew. it wasn't until the next day when i was in the wrong place at the wrong time when i truly believed i was a toronto resident -- involved in the eaton centre shooting, 7 people injured and 1 deceased.
luckily, i was above the food court when it happened and was on my way out of the mall when two ladies rushed out of a restaurant and told us to leave the mall immediately. outside, there was a gathering of over 2,000 people staring, taking pictures and videos, and stuck at a standstill on the sidewalk because of what was going on. social media has ruined lives this way -- instead of running for their lives, they're going to take a picture of it first. i didn't see anything out of the ordinary. nobody looked fearful and i didn't hear anything until we were outside. still, it's a bit scary and unreal.
i still don't have a paying job. i've taken on an unpaid internship with a longboarding company as their marketing/sustainability intern. i had my first day today and was assigned my first project to create an infographic about the benefits, exercise, costs, and carbon offsets of using a longboard. at least this gives me something to do instead of nothing. and after this article in the toronto star the next day after my interview, i was even more sold on the unpaid internship thing.
but, i'm still looking. i'm hoping somebody somewhere will eventually realize that they have the ability to pay me to do work too.
May 24, 2012
the unpaid internship
i've been seeing them around a lot lately in my job postings: the dreaded unpaid internship.
last year and practically every year before, i was so against them. yes, i needed experience doing things and yes, internships were a good place to start. but... money. money was always the issue. i needed money to live and survive. why should i bother putting in 20-40 hours a week for no payment? it's a catch 22. i need experience which i don't have and i need money, also which i don't have.
but, i had to throw away that mindset this summer and applied to several. some unpaid, some paid, and some which didn't specify (and i'm assuming that they will be unpaid). and then i had a thought: would it be at all possible to be rejected from an unpaid internship? i mean, it's not as if i'm applying for a computer programming intern or a communications intern or an open heart surgery intern. i'm applying for unpaid positions in not-for-profits or companies for project coordinators, environmental things, and marketing. things that i can believe i'm qualified for.
but i'm still not hearing from any of them!
are other recent graduates applying for these internships too and they are more qualified to do the job at hand? more qualified? better suited? their resume/cover letter sounds better? i don't even know how to understand this concept.
i've removed my "unpaid internships are not for me" mind frame and am feeling the stench of desperation like no other. i'm restless. i'm bored. i'm running out of money. it's too hot in my apartment. i'm still drinking rather than cutting down like i intended to do. i'm lazy. i'm unmotivated. i spend hours a day applying to jobs i know i can get and never hear from anyone!
that was until today. i came across this article in the toronto star that sort of made me feel a little better about how things are going. it basically says that half a million young people are unemployed and not entirely looking for work. it also says that those actually looking (2 in 10) were discouraged at the job market. discouraged is an understatement, i think. i applied to several jobs and internships (both paid and unpaid) today and finally received a chance for an interview. finally. my last interview was weeks ago. i was beginning to think there was nothing left in the job market for me at all.
but oh yes... that apparent job i've had since april and haven't started yet. there's still no word on that. june, they said. as far as i know, june is around the corner soon.
i mean, not that i have any idea what day it actually is or anything.
last year and practically every year before, i was so against them. yes, i needed experience doing things and yes, internships were a good place to start. but... money. money was always the issue. i needed money to live and survive. why should i bother putting in 20-40 hours a week for no payment? it's a catch 22. i need experience which i don't have and i need money, also which i don't have.
but, i had to throw away that mindset this summer and applied to several. some unpaid, some paid, and some which didn't specify (and i'm assuming that they will be unpaid). and then i had a thought: would it be at all possible to be rejected from an unpaid internship? i mean, it's not as if i'm applying for a computer programming intern or a communications intern or an open heart surgery intern. i'm applying for unpaid positions in not-for-profits or companies for project coordinators, environmental things, and marketing. things that i can believe i'm qualified for.
but i'm still not hearing from any of them!
are other recent graduates applying for these internships too and they are more qualified to do the job at hand? more qualified? better suited? their resume/cover letter sounds better? i don't even know how to understand this concept.
i've removed my "unpaid internships are not for me" mind frame and am feeling the stench of desperation like no other. i'm restless. i'm bored. i'm running out of money. it's too hot in my apartment. i'm still drinking rather than cutting down like i intended to do. i'm lazy. i'm unmotivated. i spend hours a day applying to jobs i know i can get and never hear from anyone!
that was until today. i came across this article in the toronto star that sort of made me feel a little better about how things are going. it basically says that half a million young people are unemployed and not entirely looking for work. it also says that those actually looking (2 in 10) were discouraged at the job market. discouraged is an understatement, i think. i applied to several jobs and internships (both paid and unpaid) today and finally received a chance for an interview. finally. my last interview was weeks ago. i was beginning to think there was nothing left in the job market for me at all.
but oh yes... that apparent job i've had since april and haven't started yet. there's still no word on that. june, they said. as far as i know, june is around the corner soon.
i mean, not that i have any idea what day it actually is or anything.
May 16, 2012
the lights are out
i like to think i don't get scared easily.
okay, that's probably the first lie i've told in a very long time. i'll be the first to admit that i'm afraid of everything. spiders, bugs, commitment, the gathering darkness...
also a lie. except for maybe spiders and commitment.
what i'm scared of currently is the fact that outside of my door, all the lights are out. and fuck, it's scary. it's pitch black. i can't see anything. i don't want to leave my place in fear of what could happen in the five second walk down the hall to the stairs. or what would be even worse is if the stairs also had no lights on, and then i would be royally fucked. i barely want to climb those stairs with the lights on, nonetheless off (see: brother slipping and ending up with a bleeding finger).
but still. it's quite strange. and creepy. and scary. so i'm just going to hang out here for awhile until they maybe turn the lights back on.
what's new on the job hunt, you ask?
well, i had an interview last week for a place that sells school uniforms. she seemed to really like me and felt that i would fit in well with the store. the interview lasted quite some time. she even commented on my outfit (new interview clothes for the win!). she told me that she would make a decision on friday but i never heard from her. i suppose it's for good measure. she said that it would be extremely part-time hours for may, june, and july. maybe one or two days a week. and then august would be full time, all the time, as much as i wanted to work. i figured it would sort of be like that; nobody wants to buy school uniforms in may and everybody leaves things till the last minute in august and september.
but i never heard from her.
i thought i had nailed it. i expected her to call because she was so impressed with me. i felt pretty good walking out of that interview. but nope, nothing. and i didn't want the job badly enough to call her. but i mean, she DID say she was going to call ME. and i suppose that counts for something.
one of the best things about being unemployed (or rather, employed but have yet to start? apparently i'm supposed to start the event place in june... we'll see about that) is all the time you get to yourself to do the things you want to do. like, for instance, i'm pretty aware that winter hibernation (and my roommate's mac and cheese) made me gain some weight. nothing too significant (friends are saying i look better) but i'm starting to notice and that bothers me. hey, don't get me wrong. i love myself and my body. i just always have the determination to make it how i want it to be.
i started a workout regime this week as for the last few months, i've been extremely lazy. it just involves going for long walks of 40+ minutes 3-4 times a week and a series of at-home exercises including push ups, stretches, sit ups, other ab workouts, yoga and tai chi poses, and a bunch of other things i can do around the apartment, like invisible chair competitions with myself (and charles the mouse when he comes out to play). i've also been doing a lot of in-my-room dancing routines i've taught myself off youtube to get ready for pride in june. i did this and this back in my undergrad for rez events and they were so much fun. i can't wait to get back up on stage again.
i've also started to do the other healthy things i never had much time for or was too lazy to do like floss (the dentist is coming up soon), buy/cook some healthy meals, try to cut back on my drinking (both for my body and for my wallet right now) and sit outside in the sun to get a tan. i've been reading the ground truth because all that 9/11 stuff interests me greatly. next up will be climate wars, a book i've always wanted to read since my undergrad, and that should be by next week or so.
and y'know, the usual of hanging out with friends, playing video games (i'm working through ocarina of time.. god damn water temple), and watching countless hours of tv and movies when i'm that bored.
i guess the unemployed life is not so bad. if only making money wasn't a major issue.
okay, that's probably the first lie i've told in a very long time. i'll be the first to admit that i'm afraid of everything. spiders, bugs, commitment, the gathering darkness...
also a lie. except for maybe spiders and commitment.
what i'm scared of currently is the fact that outside of my door, all the lights are out. and fuck, it's scary. it's pitch black. i can't see anything. i don't want to leave my place in fear of what could happen in the five second walk down the hall to the stairs. or what would be even worse is if the stairs also had no lights on, and then i would be royally fucked. i barely want to climb those stairs with the lights on, nonetheless off (see: brother slipping and ending up with a bleeding finger).
but still. it's quite strange. and creepy. and scary. so i'm just going to hang out here for awhile until they maybe turn the lights back on.
what's new on the job hunt, you ask?
well, i had an interview last week for a place that sells school uniforms. she seemed to really like me and felt that i would fit in well with the store. the interview lasted quite some time. she even commented on my outfit (new interview clothes for the win!). she told me that she would make a decision on friday but i never heard from her. i suppose it's for good measure. she said that it would be extremely part-time hours for may, june, and july. maybe one or two days a week. and then august would be full time, all the time, as much as i wanted to work. i figured it would sort of be like that; nobody wants to buy school uniforms in may and everybody leaves things till the last minute in august and september. but i never heard from her.
i thought i had nailed it. i expected her to call because she was so impressed with me. i felt pretty good walking out of that interview. but nope, nothing. and i didn't want the job badly enough to call her. but i mean, she DID say she was going to call ME. and i suppose that counts for something. one of the best things about being unemployed (or rather, employed but have yet to start? apparently i'm supposed to start the event place in june... we'll see about that) is all the time you get to yourself to do the things you want to do. like, for instance, i'm pretty aware that winter hibernation (and my roommate's mac and cheese) made me gain some weight. nothing too significant (friends are saying i look better) but i'm starting to notice and that bothers me. hey, don't get me wrong. i love myself and my body. i just always have the determination to make it how i want it to be.
i started a workout regime this week as for the last few months, i've been extremely lazy. it just involves going for long walks of 40+ minutes 3-4 times a week and a series of at-home exercises including push ups, stretches, sit ups, other ab workouts, yoga and tai chi poses, and a bunch of other things i can do around the apartment, like invisible chair competitions with myself (and charles the mouse when he comes out to play). i've also been doing a lot of in-my-room dancing routines i've taught myself off youtube to get ready for pride in june. i did this and this back in my undergrad for rez events and they were so much fun. i can't wait to get back up on stage again.
and y'know, the usual of hanging out with friends, playing video games (i'm working through ocarina of time.. god damn water temple), and watching countless hours of tv and movies when i'm that bored.
 |
| ganon is so scary. |
May 3, 2012
post graduate program review
i learned a lot of really neat things over the past 8 months.
although i won't go into ridiculous detail about everything that happened within the project management - environmental program, here are some of the highlights (expect some major use of cognitive dissonance!):
1. good professor, bad professor
yes, i sure had a wide variety of instructors. one of them in particular that everyone in the program seemed to have a problem with. he had a tendency to not give any feedback, got angry when people came in late, wouldn't always give a break during class, wouldn't allow you to leave the class when you had to pee, argued with students over more/less grades, got angry if he taught something to us once/seven times and we still didn't understand, didn't see a problem when he handed back the midterms and then was approached by 95% of the class about grades, yelled at students... and the list goes on. he taught two of my classes. that was not fun.
a second professor had a very weird way of grading that was most of the time, extremely unfair. he wanted a ridiculous amount of information in order to be given full marks for each question. his first few tests/quizzes were like this, and once he discovered that only one person in the program had any knowledge on the subject and we had collectively decided that his grading was not good, he changed his marking scheme and made it slightly better for us. until the final exam, worth too much of our grade, which basically screwed everyone over. but i thought it was legit... i studied and memorized a lot of what was on it. i just sort of feel bad for the rest of my program during that exam.
a third professor started off alright and then i stopped going to class. this class had a very small number of people in it and rarely did i ever get any work done. the first assignment i submitted sometime at the end of january was returned to me in march; i had done the whole thing wrong. so i asked to resubmit the assignment and she agreed. then, i didn't hand it any of the other assignments, minus one that i did hand in. when it got to the end of the semester and the final assignment, i did each section of the final assignment and asked if i could still submit the other assignments i didn't do. she agreed but seemed extremely disappointed in me for not doing the work on time. she also yelled at me for not getting the work done on time like almost everyone else. honestly, i just didn't give a flying fuck about this elective course. i spent four days at the end of the semester trying to crunch out those assignments and email them in; she must have accepted them and i must have done a very good job on them despite the "late penalty" i was going to get, as i still somehow got out of that class with an A.
the rest of my instructors were fantastic, except for my mentor for the internship.
2. the "internship"
i started this program based solely on the internship component. i have limited experience (see: none) in my field of study, besides shitty summers on clifton hill with tourism and i'd rather be on the environment side of things. what i, and most of the people in my program who were having the exact same problem, were hoping was that the we would gain some valuable experience and skills from this internship.
now, when i think of an internship, i think of literally being in a workplace setting with other people who work there and y'know... doing work. like, hell, if i was just the intern who took notes at a meeting or was in charge of getting coffee or making photocopies or just.. anything in the workplace that needed to be done (hell, i would have cleaned bathrooms if it meant i'd be doing SOMETHING). but this was not the case.
instead, i met with my project sponsor once. the first time, i was sick and wasn't able to meet him. he gave us a project -- to develop an environmental audit checklist and methodology to measure the effectiveness of their environmental performance. cool? i figured maybe as part of the project, we would have to conduct the audit ourselves. wrong. maybe we would have to go in and actually survey employees for our checklist questions. wrong. at the very least, i thought we would be in constant communication with the sponsor and maybe have a few days where we would be on-site, checking things out and gaining that real world experience. nope, wrong again.
so what did we do? well, we created the checklist and methodology. essentially, a 40 page project. it included the actual project plus various project management tools and techniques that we used. also, there were 3 people in my group, and the one guy basically did next to nothing the entire semester. my mentor was a bit of a dick and rarely helpful -- because we didn't really need him for much, but he was always extremely nosy and into our business which didn't help a lot of things. after that already 8 hour day before seeing him, and staying close to another 3 hours with him once a week for no reason, i just couldn't take him any more. it's a good thing i know how to be a dick back.. i can thank my thesis advisor for that.
3. program friends
despite all odds, the people i met in my program were amazing and i'm glad we all got through it together. these are definitely some people i won't soon forget. and i hope we can hang out and do things all summer -- and that my next year program of green business management will have just as great people. i made some life-long friendships and i'm happy for that!
4. recommendations
i'm pretty sure we were the dawning age of this program. it's only been around 2 or 3 years and yet, supposedly, we have changed it so much. we were supposed to have that one awful professor for a course in the second semester. after we (see: the entire program) took the course coordinator aside and bitched about the professor to the coordinator, he made some changes and hired a wonderful professor to teach us the course in the second semester.
they'll be making changes to the curriculum for next year and not allowing an elective course. i found the elective for us to choose the most frustrating as almost nothing that interested me (or others) was available. about ten students chose a project scheduling class at a different campus in the evening. that class didn't interest me and i wasn't sure how to get to the other campus, nor did i want to have a day that started at 8am and ended at 10pm, so i didn't take it. originally, i started off the semester in an energy course that i went to 3 classes and immediately dropped for a different class -- with the third 'bad' professor. but the elective sort of tore the group apart; some were in the scheduling class, others took online or correspondence courses, some took other random classes. it was just extremely screwed up. our family was not as close as it should have been in the second semester as much as we were in the first semester when we had a fantastic schedule and no 14 hour days.
but, it's over. i graduate and get handed my ontario graduate certificate at the end of june. i would probably recommend this program more with the better curriculum -- and if the internship ever turned into an actual internship. it was a somewhat okay way to utilize the project management skills we gained from the first semester and the risk management skills in the second semester. however, the program and the courses need better organization and a focus with each class relating to each other through projects, assignments, presentations, and lectures. connectivity between courses is key to higher education and learning, and i at least felt that tourism and environment at brock had that down a lot of the time.
onto bigger things in september: green business management. because i've yet to land a job so i may as well dive deeper into my student debt!
although i won't go into ridiculous detail about everything that happened within the project management - environmental program, here are some of the highlights (expect some major use of cognitive dissonance!):
1. good professor, bad professor
yes, i sure had a wide variety of instructors. one of them in particular that everyone in the program seemed to have a problem with. he had a tendency to not give any feedback, got angry when people came in late, wouldn't always give a break during class, wouldn't allow you to leave the class when you had to pee, argued with students over more/less grades, got angry if he taught something to us once/seven times and we still didn't understand, didn't see a problem when he handed back the midterms and then was approached by 95% of the class about grades, yelled at students... and the list goes on. he taught two of my classes. that was not fun.
a second professor had a very weird way of grading that was most of the time, extremely unfair. he wanted a ridiculous amount of information in order to be given full marks for each question. his first few tests/quizzes were like this, and once he discovered that only one person in the program had any knowledge on the subject and we had collectively decided that his grading was not good, he changed his marking scheme and made it slightly better for us. until the final exam, worth too much of our grade, which basically screwed everyone over. but i thought it was legit... i studied and memorized a lot of what was on it. i just sort of feel bad for the rest of my program during that exam.
a third professor started off alright and then i stopped going to class. this class had a very small number of people in it and rarely did i ever get any work done. the first assignment i submitted sometime at the end of january was returned to me in march; i had done the whole thing wrong. so i asked to resubmit the assignment and she agreed. then, i didn't hand it any of the other assignments, minus one that i did hand in. when it got to the end of the semester and the final assignment, i did each section of the final assignment and asked if i could still submit the other assignments i didn't do. she agreed but seemed extremely disappointed in me for not doing the work on time. she also yelled at me for not getting the work done on time like almost everyone else. honestly, i just didn't give a flying fuck about this elective course. i spent four days at the end of the semester trying to crunch out those assignments and email them in; she must have accepted them and i must have done a very good job on them despite the "late penalty" i was going to get, as i still somehow got out of that class with an A. the rest of my instructors were fantastic, except for my mentor for the internship.
2. the "internship"
i started this program based solely on the internship component. i have limited experience (see: none) in my field of study, besides shitty summers on clifton hill with tourism and i'd rather be on the environment side of things. what i, and most of the people in my program who were having the exact same problem, were hoping was that the we would gain some valuable experience and skills from this internship.
now, when i think of an internship, i think of literally being in a workplace setting with other people who work there and y'know... doing work. like, hell, if i was just the intern who took notes at a meeting or was in charge of getting coffee or making photocopies or just.. anything in the workplace that needed to be done (hell, i would have cleaned bathrooms if it meant i'd be doing SOMETHING). but this was not the case.
instead, i met with my project sponsor once. the first time, i was sick and wasn't able to meet him. he gave us a project -- to develop an environmental audit checklist and methodology to measure the effectiveness of their environmental performance. cool? i figured maybe as part of the project, we would have to conduct the audit ourselves. wrong. maybe we would have to go in and actually survey employees for our checklist questions. wrong. at the very least, i thought we would be in constant communication with the sponsor and maybe have a few days where we would be on-site, checking things out and gaining that real world experience. nope, wrong again.3. program friends
despite all odds, the people i met in my program were amazing and i'm glad we all got through it together. these are definitely some people i won't soon forget. and i hope we can hang out and do things all summer -- and that my next year program of green business management will have just as great people. i made some life-long friendships and i'm happy for that!
 |
| i like to think of us as community.. kinda. |
i'm pretty sure we were the dawning age of this program. it's only been around 2 or 3 years and yet, supposedly, we have changed it so much. we were supposed to have that one awful professor for a course in the second semester. after we (see: the entire program) took the course coordinator aside and bitched about the professor to the coordinator, he made some changes and hired a wonderful professor to teach us the course in the second semester.
they'll be making changes to the curriculum for next year and not allowing an elective course. i found the elective for us to choose the most frustrating as almost nothing that interested me (or others) was available. about ten students chose a project scheduling class at a different campus in the evening. that class didn't interest me and i wasn't sure how to get to the other campus, nor did i want to have a day that started at 8am and ended at 10pm, so i didn't take it. originally, i started off the semester in an energy course that i went to 3 classes and immediately dropped for a different class -- with the third 'bad' professor. but the elective sort of tore the group apart; some were in the scheduling class, others took online or correspondence courses, some took other random classes. it was just extremely screwed up. our family was not as close as it should have been in the second semester as much as we were in the first semester when we had a fantastic schedule and no 14 hour days.
but, it's over. i graduate and get handed my ontario graduate certificate at the end of june. i would probably recommend this program more with the better curriculum -- and if the internship ever turned into an actual internship. it was a somewhat okay way to utilize the project management skills we gained from the first semester and the risk management skills in the second semester. however, the program and the courses need better organization and a focus with each class relating to each other through projects, assignments, presentations, and lectures. connectivity between courses is key to higher education and learning, and i at least felt that tourism and environment at brock had that down a lot of the time.
onto bigger things in september: green business management. because i've yet to land a job so i may as well dive deeper into my student debt!
May 2, 2012
unemployed? nah, just looking.
ladies and gentlemen, i'm proud to announce to you that i have been recommended for graduation and will be receiving an ontario graduate certificate at the end of june. 8 months really did go by very quickly.
a thorough review of the last 8 months will be happening shortly.
in the meantime on the job front, i applied to an event staffing place at the end of april who told me to come in and fill out an application. i took the over an hour commute to the headquarters and met with the dude doing the hiring. he basically told me that they would review my application and contact me when i was needed. i help with events and festivals throughout the city of toronto. he sends all the information about the upcoming event/festival via email and i get to choose whether i'd like to work it or pass on it. he said it was likely that i could get full time hours if i wanted.
this sounded fantastic to me as i'd get to work outside all summer and make some money. it wasn't directly related to the environment but it is tourism, so that was okay. also, it was the first place to hire me and with the way things were going, i decided to take it. i told them i was available to work that weekend and they never got back to me. i emailed asking when i would start and they said "the busy season would be starting soon" and he'd be in touch when i was needed.
this job hasn't exactly stopped me from applying to other jobs. i applied for a program coordinator position with a hostel and got a call for an interview. however, after returning the call and getting voice mail, i never received another call again. a couple days later, i went home and emailed the dude asking if interviews were still happening. he calls that day and says he could interview me right then if i was available -- but i was at home. well, shit. if this place couldn't organize set interview times and call me back, i didn't believe they were worth my time. also, i had heard the hostel wasn't that nice. it just essentially would have been a place to utilize the skills i've learned from the past 8 months.
i had a marketing firm call me and ask for an interview even though i didn't apply to them. they came across my resume on monster. i forgot that i even had a resume posted up there. they called on friday and again on monday. i returned the call on monday and they're primary focus was telemarketing/cold calling with financial institutions. totally not what i'm looking for. they said if anything comes up in the environmental field, they would let me know. i highly doubt that'll happen, but i thanked them for their interest in me.
today, after applying to another job at the same environmental store that i've applied to probably about 2-3 times in the last couple of months, i got a call from them but they didn't leave a message. i thought this was very strange. what employer calls and doesn't leave a message?
i'm also enjoying the number of rejection emails i get -- both personalized and unpersonalized. at least i know my resumes are getting read.. even if my resume isn't good enough. two of the dream jobs i applied for are out -- rejected. i've totally re-done both my resume and cover letter. i really hope it helps.
man, i friggin' hate the job search.
a thorough review of the last 8 months will be happening shortly.
in the meantime on the job front, i applied to an event staffing place at the end of april who told me to come in and fill out an application. i took the over an hour commute to the headquarters and met with the dude doing the hiring. he basically told me that they would review my application and contact me when i was needed. i help with events and festivals throughout the city of toronto. he sends all the information about the upcoming event/festival via email and i get to choose whether i'd like to work it or pass on it. he said it was likely that i could get full time hours if i wanted.
this sounded fantastic to me as i'd get to work outside all summer and make some money. it wasn't directly related to the environment but it is tourism, so that was okay. also, it was the first place to hire me and with the way things were going, i decided to take it. i told them i was available to work that weekend and they never got back to me. i emailed asking when i would start and they said "the busy season would be starting soon" and he'd be in touch when i was needed.
this job hasn't exactly stopped me from applying to other jobs. i applied for a program coordinator position with a hostel and got a call for an interview. however, after returning the call and getting voice mail, i never received another call again. a couple days later, i went home and emailed the dude asking if interviews were still happening. he calls that day and says he could interview me right then if i was available -- but i was at home. well, shit. if this place couldn't organize set interview times and call me back, i didn't believe they were worth my time. also, i had heard the hostel wasn't that nice. it just essentially would have been a place to utilize the skills i've learned from the past 8 months.
i had a marketing firm call me and ask for an interview even though i didn't apply to them. they came across my resume on monster. i forgot that i even had a resume posted up there. they called on friday and again on monday. i returned the call on monday and they're primary focus was telemarketing/cold calling with financial institutions. totally not what i'm looking for. they said if anything comes up in the environmental field, they would let me know. i highly doubt that'll happen, but i thanked them for their interest in me.
today, after applying to another job at the same environmental store that i've applied to probably about 2-3 times in the last couple of months, i got a call from them but they didn't leave a message. i thought this was very strange. what employer calls and doesn't leave a message?
i'm also enjoying the number of rejection emails i get -- both personalized and unpersonalized. at least i know my resumes are getting read.. even if my resume isn't good enough. two of the dream jobs i applied for are out -- rejected. i've totally re-done both my resume and cover letter. i really hope it helps.
man, i friggin' hate the job search.
Apr 8, 2012
overqualified
i had an interview with mama earth organics on thursday afternoon.
it was a standard one-on-one interview. he looked over my resume and asked me some questions about it. we talked about my education and previous work experience. but, he questioned whether the job was the right fit for me. as in, my postgrad in project management meant my goals and aspirations to eventually become a project manager were set too high and not applicable to the company.
he basically told me i was overqualified for the position, and also said that they don't want to hire students directly out of school. well, shit. so what employers do hire students from school? he said he would call on friday if he had other questions and to make a decision. there was no call, so i can assume i didn't get it. but my odds are getting better perhaps -- there were 40 applications, narrowed down to 5 people interviewed.
in the meantime, i apply to at least one new job every day. and in the last week, i've received plenty of rejection emails. so, y'know, things are swell on the job search like they always are for me and countless others!
in 11 days, i'll be finished my postgrad and i'll be one happy girl. my program is a complete joke and waste of time. the "internship" (a word i'm going to use extremely loosely here since it's not actually an internship) is not giving me any real world experience. yes, i can create a project based on sponsor requirements, but it doesn't officially help me get anywhere in work experience -- especially when ISO 14001 standards are pretty much obsolete. plus, being in a group with a dude who doesn't do anything isn't helpful either.
the main hope from completing this internship in the beginning was:
a) the possibility of getting a job with the company after completion and
b) using my sponsor as a reference
i definitely won't be doing either of those things. but i'll do a bigger review of the whole program once i'm finished.
also, i'm pretty certain there are pigeons nesting on my balcony. they have woken me up with their noise on several occasions now and i try to scare them away by banging on the window. there's a bunch of leftover garbage from previous tenants on the balcony adjacent from my room that i never cleaned up. and the pigeons have nested on a pile of it. i can't get my door open now because my parents sealed it shut for me in the winter. the cold draft and the wind blowing open the door sometimes were too much. i need somebody to help me open the door and destroy the pigeon habitat (in a nice, animal rights sort of way).
it's been a couple of weeks since i've seen charles the mouse hanging out in our apartment. i may have accidentally thrown him down the garbage chute one afternoon. i went to empty the garbage and felt something move. early in march, i saw a mouse running around in the laundry room. it seems the whole building must be infested. i hope they stay away with the warm weather now.
risk group project due tomorrow. internship report and presentation wednesday. GIS report wednesday. exams start the next week. risk and business exams on the monday, and civil infrastructure on wednesday, followed by my final GIS presentation and report on the thursday.
11 more days. that's all i need.
 |
| yeah, i pretty much felt like this. |
he basically told me i was overqualified for the position, and also said that they don't want to hire students directly out of school. well, shit. so what employers do hire students from school? he said he would call on friday if he had other questions and to make a decision. there was no call, so i can assume i didn't get it. but my odds are getting better perhaps -- there were 40 applications, narrowed down to 5 people interviewed.
in the meantime, i apply to at least one new job every day. and in the last week, i've received plenty of rejection emails. so, y'know, things are swell on the job search like they always are for me and countless others!
in 11 days, i'll be finished my postgrad and i'll be one happy girl. my program is a complete joke and waste of time. the "internship" (a word i'm going to use extremely loosely here since it's not actually an internship) is not giving me any real world experience. yes, i can create a project based on sponsor requirements, but it doesn't officially help me get anywhere in work experience -- especially when ISO 14001 standards are pretty much obsolete. plus, being in a group with a dude who doesn't do anything isn't helpful either.
the main hope from completing this internship in the beginning was:
a) the possibility of getting a job with the company after completion and
b) using my sponsor as a reference
i definitely won't be doing either of those things. but i'll do a bigger review of the whole program once i'm finished.
 |
| look, i've been practicing. i made a pigeon-rat. |
it's been a couple of weeks since i've seen charles the mouse hanging out in our apartment. i may have accidentally thrown him down the garbage chute one afternoon. i went to empty the garbage and felt something move. early in march, i saw a mouse running around in the laundry room. it seems the whole building must be infested. i hope they stay away with the warm weather now.
risk group project due tomorrow. internship report and presentation wednesday. GIS report wednesday. exams start the next week. risk and business exams on the monday, and civil infrastructure on wednesday, followed by my final GIS presentation and report on the thursday.
11 more days. that's all i need.
Apr 3, 2012
they shoot unemployed people, don't they?
i had my interview with steamwhistle on monday for retail and event staff.
there were about 50 people, more or less, in the group interview. i was terrified on the inside but not so much on the outside. when everyone introduced themselves, i felt extremely discouraged. so many of these people were definitely more experienced in life, work, school, travel, whatever, than me. there were a few others that i knew i was better than them. but i still didn't feel as though i had much of a chance.
it started off with introductions; went onto a game of improv/charades (of which i didn't get a time to participate.. grr); then a brewery tour (with a beer in hand, of course); followed by breaking off into groups to create a steamwhistle commercial (something i've definitely done before); and ended with a brief Q&A. it was at the end of it all when they said that they were hiring for at most 12 positions, and there was a second group interview happening right after mine was finished. son of a bitch.
pretty much knowing i didn't have a chance, i had another 2 beers during the rest of the interview. i didn't care at this point. i didn't have any hopes -- and i was totally okay with that. it's not exactly what i'm looking for, even for a shitty summer job. and to no avail, i received the rejection email early this afternoon. sometimes, like a really fucking horrible first date, you just know things aren't going to work out in your favour. so fuck it all, i'm just gonna drink some beer. i'm sort of glad i found out today and not like, the end of the week, or never -- like the majority of niagara employers.
the better news was that i got an email/callback from mama earth organics to set up an interview. so i hope that goes over smoothly. this place is definitely more my style of things. it would be swell if i could find something soon-ish. my bank account moneys are gettin' pretty low.
the job hunt continues.
there were about 50 people, more or less, in the group interview. i was terrified on the inside but not so much on the outside. when everyone introduced themselves, i felt extremely discouraged. so many of these people were definitely more experienced in life, work, school, travel, whatever, than me. there were a few others that i knew i was better than them. but i still didn't feel as though i had much of a chance.
it started off with introductions; went onto a game of improv/charades (of which i didn't get a time to participate.. grr); then a brewery tour (with a beer in hand, of course); followed by breaking off into groups to create a steamwhistle commercial (something i've definitely done before); and ended with a brief Q&A. it was at the end of it all when they said that they were hiring for at most 12 positions, and there was a second group interview happening right after mine was finished. son of a bitch.
pretty much knowing i didn't have a chance, i had another 2 beers during the rest of the interview. i didn't care at this point. i didn't have any hopes -- and i was totally okay with that. it's not exactly what i'm looking for, even for a shitty summer job. and to no avail, i received the rejection email early this afternoon. sometimes, like a really fucking horrible first date, you just know things aren't going to work out in your favour. so fuck it all, i'm just gonna drink some beer. i'm sort of glad i found out today and not like, the end of the week, or never -- like the majority of niagara employers.
the better news was that i got an email/callback from mama earth organics to set up an interview. so i hope that goes over smoothly. this place is definitely more my style of things. it would be swell if i could find something soon-ish. my bank account moneys are gettin' pretty low.
the job hunt continues.
Mar 30, 2012
life stories for minimum wage
i have applied for 32 jobs in the past month. i have one interview on monday for steamwhistle.
about four years ago, i was dating this dude who, at the time, was much older than me -- like, 6 or 7 years older. when you're 20 dating a 26/27 year old, you tend to get some strange ideas about life. or maybe it was just the dude himself. he had a job working for a call centre. the pay was steady. he had his own car. he could afford things. but he still lived at home and he didn't quite see a need for 'advancement' or 'promotion' in his work or personal life just yet. there were many reasons as to why we never lasted, but i'm not about to get into those now.
during that summer, we had a tendency to go to many parties. i also felt weird bringing my much older boyfriend to parties and pub outings with my friends as we were all early 20s and many of my friends could never see eye to eye with the dude on any level. i also had this problem on several occasions. but yes, not to get into that. i figured he would have the same problem when he brought me to parties with his friends. and yet, this would never be the case.
at one party in particular, we showed up sort of late and the majority of everyone was already wasted. there was a bonfire in the backyard. nobody looked like they were drinking heavily. inside, people were talking music and i remember being a part of the conversation. the inside folk didn't seem too much more 'mature' or 'adult' than me at 20 years old and it made me feel better about myself. when i adventured outside, i conversed with 4 or 5 girls about nothing specific until one of them asked me a question i had only heard in tv shows/movies: "so, amber, what do you do?"
i wish there would have been some kind of visual interpretation of my mind going a mile a minute (or rather, this as being more appropriate) as i tried to figure out how to respond to the question. here i was, talking to a bunch of people older than me with these grown up jobs and careers in industries that i definitely did not want to be a part of later in life. i felt as if i told them i was finishing up school to get my bachelor's degree in tourism and environment, i would be totally out of place and shunned for my attempts at higher education. i already knew that most of these people at the party had never went on to post-secondary education.
i'm positive that by the time i answered this question, like 3 solid minutes of silence (i.e., thinking, collectively attributed to my state of drunk at the time) had gone by before i told them that i worked in a library. i could sense sighs of relief from these girls as a couple of them asked me follow up questions of what i do/which library and so on, which i of course had no problem answering.
ever since that fateful night, i've never been asked that dreaded question again. yes, i now hold in my hands a bachelor's degree and in 3 weeks, i'll have a post-graduate certificate. next september, i'll likely be heading back to school for another post-graduate certificate -- because i just can't land a job. many of the parties i've been to in the last year were filled with people just like me: students, undergraduate or graduate, or recent graduates trying to find a job/career.
the job market still sucks. i've applied to everything and everyone for practically anything where i meet some or all of the requirements. and i can't even get a callback for an interview, minus the one for steamwhistle next week.
so maybe the "what do you do?" question is on it's way out -- an obsolete question to ask people in a post-recession era whether you've had a job or career in the past. perhaps a better question to ask would be "how's the job search going?" or "how's the job market treating you?" or "are you in school?"
at lease these questions are a bit more open ended and specific so this way, when you try to tell people that you're a recent graduate who's unemployed and can't find a job in this job market/recession, they won't look at you like you're a crazy son of a bitch.
but hey -- does that not describe like 95% of all recent graduates right now?
about four years ago, i was dating this dude who, at the time, was much older than me -- like, 6 or 7 years older. when you're 20 dating a 26/27 year old, you tend to get some strange ideas about life. or maybe it was just the dude himself. he had a job working for a call centre. the pay was steady. he had his own car. he could afford things. but he still lived at home and he didn't quite see a need for 'advancement' or 'promotion' in his work or personal life just yet. there were many reasons as to why we never lasted, but i'm not about to get into those now.
during that summer, we had a tendency to go to many parties. i also felt weird bringing my much older boyfriend to parties and pub outings with my friends as we were all early 20s and many of my friends could never see eye to eye with the dude on any level. i also had this problem on several occasions. but yes, not to get into that. i figured he would have the same problem when he brought me to parties with his friends. and yet, this would never be the case.
at one party in particular, we showed up sort of late and the majority of everyone was already wasted. there was a bonfire in the backyard. nobody looked like they were drinking heavily. inside, people were talking music and i remember being a part of the conversation. the inside folk didn't seem too much more 'mature' or 'adult' than me at 20 years old and it made me feel better about myself. when i adventured outside, i conversed with 4 or 5 girls about nothing specific until one of them asked me a question i had only heard in tv shows/movies: "so, amber, what do you do?"
i wish there would have been some kind of visual interpretation of my mind going a mile a minute (or rather, this as being more appropriate) as i tried to figure out how to respond to the question. here i was, talking to a bunch of people older than me with these grown up jobs and careers in industries that i definitely did not want to be a part of later in life. i felt as if i told them i was finishing up school to get my bachelor's degree in tourism and environment, i would be totally out of place and shunned for my attempts at higher education. i already knew that most of these people at the party had never went on to post-secondary education.
i'm positive that by the time i answered this question, like 3 solid minutes of silence (i.e., thinking, collectively attributed to my state of drunk at the time) had gone by before i told them that i worked in a library. i could sense sighs of relief from these girls as a couple of them asked me follow up questions of what i do/which library and so on, which i of course had no problem answering.
ever since that fateful night, i've never been asked that dreaded question again. yes, i now hold in my hands a bachelor's degree and in 3 weeks, i'll have a post-graduate certificate. next september, i'll likely be heading back to school for another post-graduate certificate -- because i just can't land a job. many of the parties i've been to in the last year were filled with people just like me: students, undergraduate or graduate, or recent graduates trying to find a job/career.
the job market still sucks. i've applied to everything and everyone for practically anything where i meet some or all of the requirements. and i can't even get a callback for an interview, minus the one for steamwhistle next week.
so maybe the "what do you do?" question is on it's way out -- an obsolete question to ask people in a post-recession era whether you've had a job or career in the past. perhaps a better question to ask would be "how's the job search going?" or "how's the job market treating you?" or "are you in school?"
at lease these questions are a bit more open ended and specific so this way, when you try to tell people that you're a recent graduate who's unemployed and can't find a job in this job market/recession, they won't look at you like you're a crazy son of a bitch.
but hey -- does that not describe like 95% of all recent graduates right now?
Mar 12, 2012
my recycling nightmare
since september, i've become one of the 1.6 million daily riders of the ttc. it's pretty convenient for getting around, especially when i can get from my place to school in about an hour.
but ttc advertising is a little strange sometimes. i'll admit that some of the posters gain my interest and i'll google the place/company/product/whatever and go on their advertised website if i remember once i'm near a computer (because SOME of us have a phone that calls and texts people, rather than to surf the interwebs). for instance, when i saw a poster for an MTax; mostly just for tyler and his tax business. or when i saw one for memorial university in newfoundland as a couple of programs were extremely relevant to my undergrad. or even, fuck, subway subs of the day.
yes, ttc advertising works. but i don't enjoy this month's ttc advertisements. the idea is to make the ttc "litter free" and depicts various litter items, such as newspapers and coffee cups on the seats of the train or on the platform floors, saying "i don't belong here" or "put me where i belong" or something along those lines. at the bottom of the advertisement, the 3 standard ttc recycling stations are pictured and it says to "put litter in its place" or again -- something along those lines. my outrage over this matter makes my memory fuzzy when it comes to the actual wording on the advertisement.
here's the breakdown (taken word for word from my sustainability workshop powerpoint):
Standard 3 category (Paper, Plastics, Garbage) recycling station:
but ttc advertising is a little strange sometimes. i'll admit that some of the posters gain my interest and i'll google the place/company/product/whatever and go on their advertised website if i remember once i'm near a computer (because SOME of us have a phone that calls and texts people, rather than to surf the interwebs). for instance, when i saw a poster for an MTax; mostly just for tyler and his tax business. or when i saw one for memorial university in newfoundland as a couple of programs were extremely relevant to my undergrad. or even, fuck, subway subs of the day.
yes, ttc advertising works. but i don't enjoy this month's ttc advertisements. the idea is to make the ttc "litter free" and depicts various litter items, such as newspapers and coffee cups on the seats of the train or on the platform floors, saying "i don't belong here" or "put me where i belong" or something along those lines. at the bottom of the advertisement, the 3 standard ttc recycling stations are pictured and it says to "put litter in its place" or again -- something along those lines. my outrage over this matter makes my memory fuzzy when it comes to the actual wording on the advertisement.
 | |||
| this isn't the actual advertisement, but still pretty neat. |
as i was preparing to run a sustainability workshop this week for university of toronto clubs executives, it became extremely clear to me that we're basically in a crisis when it comes to effective and appropriate recycling strategies. not that many people actually know HOW to recycle without compromising a bin. the city of toronto website offers a great deal of information on the subject AND even has a waste wizard that allows you to figure out what items go where if they aren't listed.
my concerns aren't really over the fact that people don't know how to recycle a newspaper. those handy metros and onions and whatever else is there to keep you sane during a commute belong in one bin; the one labelled with the pictures and words of newspapers. and even still, i see many commuters putting them in the garbage. whyyyyyyyyyy?! why does this happen?! it takes the same amount of time to recycle wrong as it does to recycle right!
all recycling varies by regions and municipalities, sometimes even city to city, or town to town. it's important to be informed about what your area recycles and what it doesn't. being a recycling station monitor at greenbuild in october 2011 definitely helped me understand toronto's insane recycling policies. which is also why the ttc advertising frustrates me. how many of you actually know how to recycle your takeout coffee cups? tim hortons roll up the rim cups, mcdonalds, and starbucks coffee cups plague the city and the subway. the majority of my friends don't have a clue how to recycle their coffee cups. so if they don't know how, there's a good chance that everyone who isn't me doesn't know either.
Standard 3 category (Paper, Plastics, Garbage) recycling station:
Sleeves and cups go in PAPER
Lids, stirrers, teabags, etc go in the GARBAGE
When an “Organics" bin is included:
Sleeves and cups go in PAPER
Stirrers, teabags, etc go in ORGANICS
Lids go in the GARBAGE
When a “Coffee Cup/Coffee Miscellaneous" bin is included:
Sleeves go in PAPER
Lids go in GARBAGE
Coffee cups, teabags, stirrers, etc can all usually go in the COFFEE CUP/COFFEE MISCELLANEOUS
Lids, stirrers, teabags, etc go in the GARBAGE
When an “Organics" bin is included:
Sleeves and cups go in PAPER
Stirrers, teabags, etc go in ORGANICS
Lids go in the GARBAGE
When a “Coffee Cup/Coffee Miscellaneous" bin is included:
Sleeves go in PAPER
Lids go in GARBAGE
Coffee cups, teabags, stirrers, etc can all usually go in the COFFEE CUP/COFFEE MISCELLANEOUS
see, it's more difficult than you expected! that's exactly why i can't stand the takeout coffee cup "i don't belong here" ttc poster advertisement. the city should make their advertising more effective by showing commuters where each item of the coffee cup goes in the recycling bin process. then there would be even less compromise in ttc bins.... i hope!
perhaps i'll even write a letter (email?) to the ttc and express my rage in their advertising campaign. i just hope i'm not the only one making a big deal about this.
Mar 2, 2012
the job hunt begins
the last possible day of exams is april 20th. which means there are just under 50 days left of my first post-graduate career.
how did that happen?
so, in 50 days, i'll have an undergraduate degree and a post-graduate degree. and that should make me qualified to do something cool, right? like.. a job with something in my field. like.. a job where i can use what i've learned in the last 6 years and apply it to some kind of a real world situation. am i wrong?
i'll be honest. last year's disappointment in the summer job/career search left me feeling pretty down. i'm still not entirely sure what it was that i was doing wrong -- or if it wasn't me, but rather, them.
a recession.
a terrible employer.
a "we have jobs but we don't have jobs".
a decline in tourism.
a decline in sales.
a decline in jobs.
an overhiring.
the list goes on.
i was not happy with anything that happened last summer and my income definitely reflects that. but there wasn't a whole lot i could do to combat how terrible things were in the job market.
yet, it doesn't seem any different being in toronto. jobs i applied to back in september/december had no calls. jobs i've applied to in january/february still have no calls. jobs i'm applying to now -- for things i know i can do -- have no calls. i have many more connections and networking possibilities in the city but only a couple that can work out to my advantage. but i don't necessarily want to be that kid who gets the sweet job 'cause they know somebody; the ethics and the morals would get the best of me.
i know i'm not the only one suffering trying to find a job. several of my friends who are recent graduates or quit work looking for something better are still having the same issues at attempting to find a job, summer or otherwise.
i'm walking into this job hunt with a little bit of optimism; whatever actually remains from last summer's ridiculous 7 jobs i mostly had for a 2 week span. only because i feel like i have more of an opportunity to land something, whether it's in my field or not, in the city rather than back in niagara.
statistics of 400 applicants for an entry level, minimum wage secretarial position in niagara still scares the fuck out of me.
how did that happen?
so, in 50 days, i'll have an undergraduate degree and a post-graduate degree. and that should make me qualified to do something cool, right? like.. a job with something in my field. like.. a job where i can use what i've learned in the last 6 years and apply it to some kind of a real world situation. am i wrong?
i'll be honest. last year's disappointment in the summer job/career search left me feeling pretty down. i'm still not entirely sure what it was that i was doing wrong -- or if it wasn't me, but rather, them.
a recession.
a terrible employer.
a "we have jobs but we don't have jobs".
a decline in tourism.
a decline in sales.
a decline in jobs.
an overhiring.
the list goes on.
i was not happy with anything that happened last summer and my income definitely reflects that. but there wasn't a whole lot i could do to combat how terrible things were in the job market.
yet, it doesn't seem any different being in toronto. jobs i applied to back in september/december had no calls. jobs i've applied to in january/february still have no calls. jobs i'm applying to now -- for things i know i can do -- have no calls. i have many more connections and networking possibilities in the city but only a couple that can work out to my advantage. but i don't necessarily want to be that kid who gets the sweet job 'cause they know somebody; the ethics and the morals would get the best of me.
i know i'm not the only one suffering trying to find a job. several of my friends who are recent graduates or quit work looking for something better are still having the same issues at attempting to find a job, summer or otherwise.
i'm walking into this job hunt with a little bit of optimism; whatever actually remains from last summer's ridiculous 7 jobs i mostly had for a 2 week span. only because i feel like i have more of an opportunity to land something, whether it's in my field or not, in the city rather than back in niagara.
statistics of 400 applicants for an entry level, minimum wage secretarial position in niagara still scares the fuck out of me.
Feb 12, 2012
positive
one of the main things i like best about meeting new people is to experience a different outlook on life, whether it's negative or positive.
i try to do my best in surrounding myself with positive people but that doesn't always happen or necessarily work out to my advantage. most people deal with shitty things in shitty ways and i can empathize with that.
it's a pretty rare occurrence for me to meet someone who's about equal to me in positivity and optimism even if sometimes that positivity is hidden under some pretty mean sarcastic comments. and yet, i've met a couple dudes that i can compare myself to. one of these dudes in particular, i'm absolutely positive (ha!) that i've never heard him say anything remotely negative... about any fucking subject. this sort of baffles me and intrigues me at the same time. because, in a way, i used to do the same. and i kind of still do, on occasion.
not only does this dude have this shining positive brilliance, but he makes me appreciate myself and the things i've done even more (although i'm not exactly sure if it's possible). because, hell, i've done some pretty amazing things and i can do some pretty amazing things. it's almost inspiring to be reminded how awesome you are with one simple positive comment that gets you thinking about your life experiences.
it's easy to rack up a number of negative reasons for a negative event/occurrence but the positive sides of things aren't normally a long list.
i think what people fail to realize is that a positive aura is fucking sexy as hell. especially to a girl like me.
there's definitely a fine line between "positive" (that's so fucking cool) and "neutral" (i don't really care) and i would gladly take the positive over anything in the world. and besides, you'll get a cooler story out of a negative event spun into a positive meaning, even if it makes everyone around you laugh at the story. the idea is to accept bad things when they happen and find something positive about them in order to move on from it. and most people, generally speaking, lack this ability.
but hey, if i can do it, and this dude can do it, i wholeheartedly believe that anyone can under the right circumstances.
happiness is not a fleeting concept.
it's right there, waiting for you.
"the call is from heroism... will you accept the charges?"
i try to do my best in surrounding myself with positive people but that doesn't always happen or necessarily work out to my advantage. most people deal with shitty things in shitty ways and i can empathize with that.
it's a pretty rare occurrence for me to meet someone who's about equal to me in positivity and optimism even if sometimes that positivity is hidden under some pretty mean sarcastic comments. and yet, i've met a couple dudes that i can compare myself to. one of these dudes in particular, i'm absolutely positive (ha!) that i've never heard him say anything remotely negative... about any fucking subject. this sort of baffles me and intrigues me at the same time. because, in a way, i used to do the same. and i kind of still do, on occasion.
not only does this dude have this shining positive brilliance, but he makes me appreciate myself and the things i've done even more (although i'm not exactly sure if it's possible). because, hell, i've done some pretty amazing things and i can do some pretty amazing things. it's almost inspiring to be reminded how awesome you are with one simple positive comment that gets you thinking about your life experiences.
it's easy to rack up a number of negative reasons for a negative event/occurrence but the positive sides of things aren't normally a long list.
i think what people fail to realize is that a positive aura is fucking sexy as hell. especially to a girl like me.
there's definitely a fine line between "positive" (that's so fucking cool) and "neutral" (i don't really care) and i would gladly take the positive over anything in the world. and besides, you'll get a cooler story out of a negative event spun into a positive meaning, even if it makes everyone around you laugh at the story. the idea is to accept bad things when they happen and find something positive about them in order to move on from it. and most people, generally speaking, lack this ability.
but hey, if i can do it, and this dude can do it, i wholeheartedly believe that anyone can under the right circumstances.
happiness is not a fleeting concept.
it's right there, waiting for you.
"the call is from heroism... will you accept the charges?"
Feb 8, 2012
horrific images
i'm an extremely visual person.
i tend to remember things better when i see them and write them several times. want me to regurgitate a diagram? sure, no problem. remember the exact detail of that dude's body i hooked up with 4 years ago? yeah, feels like it happened yesterday.
but it has some drawbacks.
there have been certain times in my life where i've wanted to forget an image or a situation. but my mind won't let me do that. many of these images/situations that i want to lose are ones that play over in my head again and again, despite how awful or embarrassing they were.
i've seen a lot of really shitty things since i moved to toronto. it mostly deals with the crazy people that roam the streets and sometimes i might get lucky and see something that is positive and brightens my day. for instance, yesterday i saw a hit and run. a car literally took the side off of a taxi and almost ran me over in the get away. there was some honking and the car turned the corner and stopped at the side of the road while the taxi waited patiently for the pedestrians to cross at the intersection. as soon as we crossed the street and the taxi moved forward, the car drove off. that's pretty fucking shitty. my dad and i were involved in a similar situation last summer, so i can relate. kind of adds to my reasons of not wanting to drive.
an earlier situation during a snowstorm at a different intersection almost cost me my life as well, had i not have used some discretion of crossing the street. a car going pretty slow heading up to the lights at an intersection must have hit a slippery patch of snow and the brakes didn't work; leaving the car to slide practically halfway through the intersection. if i would have stepped out from the sidewalk, he would have ran right over me.
this morning, i saw something i would prefer to forget. but since i know i won't, i'll write about it instead. i don't know what about this entire situation made me so upset.
i saw an older man on crutches missing his left leg. the whole leg, way up last the thigh. he hobbled along on his crutches across the intersection and for some reason, decided to hobble along through the garden of the community centre. i watched as his movements through the garden baffled me. i couldn't understand why he chose the path that was the most difficult. i figured he was on his way when the bus arrived. as i got on the bus, i could hear through the music from my headphones, a man arguing with the bus driver. it was the man with one leg. i didn't quite hear what the argument was about, but the bus driver let him on and he made his way down the aisle.
a block later, he screamed at the bus driver to stop the bus and let him off, where he proceeded to attempt to cross the street with a heavy flow of traffic and the 'don't walk' sign flashing. immediately, i saw and heard the sounds of cars screeching their brakes and honking at the man. i thought for sure i was going to see this man get slammed by a car trying to cross the street at 7am. when he reached the other side, he began to cross the other section of the street again, disobeying pedestrian signals. there was more honking and screeching brakes. the man stopped in front of a car attempting to turn through the intersection as he could not cross any further with the flow of traffic. eventually, he was able to make it to the other side and the bus drove through the lights and kept on the route.
i don't know what was going through this man's head while he did the things he did this morning but i have a feeling he was unhappy with his life. i would be too, in his situation. but just the thought that this man may not want to live anymore (and get hit by a car) upset me greatly. to lose all will to live in any situation, whether shitty or ideal, is something that hits me in an unusual way. even when life gets me down to a degree when everything is awful, i try to find the positive and move on from it, because i know eventually things will get better. it might not be right away and it might take quite some time, but i know whatever i'm facing will pass.
i only wish that people would think the way i do about these circumstances of life and death and then something as trivial as this man with one leg wouldn't be drilled into my mind forever.
i tend to remember things better when i see them and write them several times. want me to regurgitate a diagram? sure, no problem. remember the exact detail of that dude's body i hooked up with 4 years ago? yeah, feels like it happened yesterday.
but it has some drawbacks.
there have been certain times in my life where i've wanted to forget an image or a situation. but my mind won't let me do that. many of these images/situations that i want to lose are ones that play over in my head again and again, despite how awful or embarrassing they were.
i've seen a lot of really shitty things since i moved to toronto. it mostly deals with the crazy people that roam the streets and sometimes i might get lucky and see something that is positive and brightens my day. for instance, yesterday i saw a hit and run. a car literally took the side off of a taxi and almost ran me over in the get away. there was some honking and the car turned the corner and stopped at the side of the road while the taxi waited patiently for the pedestrians to cross at the intersection. as soon as we crossed the street and the taxi moved forward, the car drove off. that's pretty fucking shitty. my dad and i were involved in a similar situation last summer, so i can relate. kind of adds to my reasons of not wanting to drive.
an earlier situation during a snowstorm at a different intersection almost cost me my life as well, had i not have used some discretion of crossing the street. a car going pretty slow heading up to the lights at an intersection must have hit a slippery patch of snow and the brakes didn't work; leaving the car to slide practically halfway through the intersection. if i would have stepped out from the sidewalk, he would have ran right over me.
this morning, i saw something i would prefer to forget. but since i know i won't, i'll write about it instead. i don't know what about this entire situation made me so upset.
i saw an older man on crutches missing his left leg. the whole leg, way up last the thigh. he hobbled along on his crutches across the intersection and for some reason, decided to hobble along through the garden of the community centre. i watched as his movements through the garden baffled me. i couldn't understand why he chose the path that was the most difficult. i figured he was on his way when the bus arrived. as i got on the bus, i could hear through the music from my headphones, a man arguing with the bus driver. it was the man with one leg. i didn't quite hear what the argument was about, but the bus driver let him on and he made his way down the aisle.
a block later, he screamed at the bus driver to stop the bus and let him off, where he proceeded to attempt to cross the street with a heavy flow of traffic and the 'don't walk' sign flashing. immediately, i saw and heard the sounds of cars screeching their brakes and honking at the man. i thought for sure i was going to see this man get slammed by a car trying to cross the street at 7am. when he reached the other side, he began to cross the other section of the street again, disobeying pedestrian signals. there was more honking and screeching brakes. the man stopped in front of a car attempting to turn through the intersection as he could not cross any further with the flow of traffic. eventually, he was able to make it to the other side and the bus drove through the lights and kept on the route.
i don't know what was going through this man's head while he did the things he did this morning but i have a feeling he was unhappy with his life. i would be too, in his situation. but just the thought that this man may not want to live anymore (and get hit by a car) upset me greatly. to lose all will to live in any situation, whether shitty or ideal, is something that hits me in an unusual way. even when life gets me down to a degree when everything is awful, i try to find the positive and move on from it, because i know eventually things will get better. it might not be right away and it might take quite some time, but i know whatever i'm facing will pass.
i only wish that people would think the way i do about these circumstances of life and death and then something as trivial as this man with one leg wouldn't be drilled into my mind forever.
Feb 4, 2012
acceptance
i like to think of acceptance as both good and really terrible. why? i'm glad you asked.
i've been doing a lot of 'accepting' in 2012 so far. for instance, i accepted that i had a cold and i beat it down until i felt better with natural remedies. then, i was fine for almost a week until my body decided to play a cruel joke on me and make me feel six thousand times worse than i actually did before. and when i didn't accept the fact that i haven't felt that bad since i was about 7 years old, it got worse. much worse. i had to accept that i needed help, went to the walk-in clinic, and healed myself through antibiotics that i'm currently finishing up tomorrow.
from this terrible sickness, i had to accept that i would be falling behind in schoolwork. i was able to make up the quizzes/assignments i missed with no problem (but there's no telling if i did well on them). i was surprised at the amount i had missed in one short week -- when i only have class 3 days a week. yes, i sacrificed 4 days a week of school for scheduling of 5 classes in 3 days. which also means i'm stuck at school for a glorious 14 hours on wednesdays and thursdays. in turn, i spend a ton of money during these days trying to feed myself (eating on campus is costly) and by the time i get home around 8pm, i'm exhausted and don't want to cook, so i spend more money on a little dinner. but i've accepted 2 days a week of spending into an unemployed grad student budget.
i began to accept that my apartment renovations will never be finished. there was a time, briefly, when renovations took place 5 days a week, monday to friday. the drilling, hammering, painting, dust, and overall noise from these renovations was driving me crazy and made it extremely difficult to concentrate (or for the better part of january, get some rest to get over a sickness). it's saturday today, and this morning i was rudely awoken by the loud sounds of hammering above or below me at 9am. it's now almost 4pm and the hammering and drilling have yet to stop. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! do your fucking renovations on weekdays and leave my weekends free of the noise! ugh. i wish i had the ability to block out noise and sleep through anything.
i've accepted the fact that too many of my plans involve (and are dependent on) drinking in some way. this became evident while being on those antibiotics and i wasn't able to go out and drink, so i just didn't go out at all. this isn't necessarily a bad thing; i just never realized it before.
i suppose the good news here is that i was accepted to seneca's post-grad green business management program for september 2012. but there's no telling what will happen in between now and when i have to accept the offer. i could get offered a sweet as job doing something cool. or, y'know, still be an unemployed bum.
we'll see how i go about accepting things in the near future.
i've been doing a lot of 'accepting' in 2012 so far. for instance, i accepted that i had a cold and i beat it down until i felt better with natural remedies. then, i was fine for almost a week until my body decided to play a cruel joke on me and make me feel six thousand times worse than i actually did before. and when i didn't accept the fact that i haven't felt that bad since i was about 7 years old, it got worse. much worse. i had to accept that i needed help, went to the walk-in clinic, and healed myself through antibiotics that i'm currently finishing up tomorrow.
from this terrible sickness, i had to accept that i would be falling behind in schoolwork. i was able to make up the quizzes/assignments i missed with no problem (but there's no telling if i did well on them). i was surprised at the amount i had missed in one short week -- when i only have class 3 days a week. yes, i sacrificed 4 days a week of school for scheduling of 5 classes in 3 days. which also means i'm stuck at school for a glorious 14 hours on wednesdays and thursdays. in turn, i spend a ton of money during these days trying to feed myself (eating on campus is costly) and by the time i get home around 8pm, i'm exhausted and don't want to cook, so i spend more money on a little dinner. but i've accepted 2 days a week of spending into an unemployed grad student budget.
i began to accept that my apartment renovations will never be finished. there was a time, briefly, when renovations took place 5 days a week, monday to friday. the drilling, hammering, painting, dust, and overall noise from these renovations was driving me crazy and made it extremely difficult to concentrate (or for the better part of january, get some rest to get over a sickness). it's saturday today, and this morning i was rudely awoken by the loud sounds of hammering above or below me at 9am. it's now almost 4pm and the hammering and drilling have yet to stop. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! do your fucking renovations on weekdays and leave my weekends free of the noise! ugh. i wish i had the ability to block out noise and sleep through anything.
i've accepted the fact that too many of my plans involve (and are dependent on) drinking in some way. this became evident while being on those antibiotics and i wasn't able to go out and drink, so i just didn't go out at all. this isn't necessarily a bad thing; i just never realized it before.
i suppose the good news here is that i was accepted to seneca's post-grad green business management program for september 2012. but there's no telling what will happen in between now and when i have to accept the offer. i could get offered a sweet as job doing something cool. or, y'know, still be an unemployed bum.
we'll see how i go about accepting things in the near future.
Jan 5, 2012
money money money
free money is a glorious thing.
with all the talk about the recent tuition grants put forth by the government and terrible advertising such as this particular video, i was upset and frustrated to find out that i'm ineligible for the grant. but, who's eligible for the grant?
well, if you are dependent on your parents, your parents make less than $160,000, you are in good academic standing, and you're from ontario. who's ineligible? everyone listed here and over 500,000 post-secondary students across ontario. grad students, part-time students, international students, law, medicine, dentistry, pharmacy, optometry, and education students are all shit out of of luck on this tuition grant.
yeah. i graduated high school in 2006. it's now 2012. i would hope that i wouldn't be dependent on my parents by now. but, here's where OSAP fucked me over -- i didn't work in high school, in fact, i didn't have my first job until 2007. i had applied for OSAP in my first year of my undergrad and my parents 'made too much money'. and even though i was living on residence and had zero moneys for anything, they gave me just under $2,000 that year. my parents at the time were supporting 2 children for post-secondary education and were definitely not making 'too much' money to support their children and live a comfortable life.
i didn't bother applying for 2007/2008. i had made almost enough working during the summer (back when minimum wage was $8.25) to afford the costs of my tuition but no where close to my residence fees. i worked during this year and saved up some money. in the summer of 2008, i couldn't land a well-paying job and only occasionally worked weekends at a camp on call for 2 months. so i had applied to OSAP for 2008/2009. this time, they gave me just over $2,000. again, not nearly enough to cover tuition or residence fees. i didn't have that much money in the bank, but i was now working just under 20 hours a week during the school year. my parents didn't make that much money, in fact, they made even less that year, and they still had to support 2 children in post-secondary education.
i had a part-time job during the summer of 2009 and a full-time job for just over a month. my bank account was starting to grow. in 2009/2010, OSAP decided to be sort of nice to me since i had stayed in school and used them twice before. i was living at home for first semester and working up to 20 hours again. my second semester was studying abroad and OSAP gave me just over $5,000. that was enough to cover tuition; but not the $10,000 extra and spending money to study abroad. i also received a bursary for going away -- but i think it was $200. maybe it was $500. i don't really remember. it's a good thing i had saved up quite a bit of money to reward myself with going away even during the recession.
upon return from my adventures of studying in new zealand, i picked up a job that guaranteed me full-time/overtime hours in the peak of summer. i was making a shit ton of money and living at home. i had 3.5 credits remaining in order to graduate in 2010/2011. 3.5 credits was still considered a full course load and i could have applied for OSAP, but i refused. they would have given me more money this time for sure as i was now independent of my parents, but still living at home for the year. i told OSAP to fuck off for the year and enjoyed my shit ton of money saved from the summer/whatever was left from paying a smaller tuition for not that many credits and sailed in spending money from my 20 hours a week part-time job.
2011/2012, i began my postgrad living in toronto, completely independent of my parents and making something ridiculous like less than $2,000 over the course of the summer. OSAP was my only option; and they gave me less than $12,000 to help with tuition, books, rent, and food. it was a great thing that i saved up practically all the money i made from the previous year working and kept my expenses to a minimum. i paid my full first semester tuition in june without any help from OSAP yet as my funding had yet to be released until september. OSAP helped with the second semester tuition and has been covering my rent most months.
i guess the most exciting thing about applying for OSAP are the surprises you never know about, such as the textbook and technology grant of $150. yep, sent to me almost by the time first semester had ended, it kept me drunk and fed for a few days. or for instance, the email i just received from seneca, telling me that i was selected as the recipient for the ontario student access guarantee bursary. how and why i'm still sort of confused about.. but an extra $800 will help me with next month's rent for sure. i don't remember filling in any application for something like this. i really hope it's not a mistake.
and hey, is that a GST cheque i see in my bank account already?
2012, you're starting to redeem yourself already.
with all the talk about the recent tuition grants put forth by the government and terrible advertising such as this particular video, i was upset and frustrated to find out that i'm ineligible for the grant. but, who's eligible for the grant?
well, if you are dependent on your parents, your parents make less than $160,000, you are in good academic standing, and you're from ontario. who's ineligible? everyone listed here and over 500,000 post-secondary students across ontario. grad students, part-time students, international students, law, medicine, dentistry, pharmacy, optometry, and education students are all shit out of of luck on this tuition grant.
yeah. i graduated high school in 2006. it's now 2012. i would hope that i wouldn't be dependent on my parents by now. but, here's where OSAP fucked me over -- i didn't work in high school, in fact, i didn't have my first job until 2007. i had applied for OSAP in my first year of my undergrad and my parents 'made too much money'. and even though i was living on residence and had zero moneys for anything, they gave me just under $2,000 that year. my parents at the time were supporting 2 children for post-secondary education and were definitely not making 'too much' money to support their children and live a comfortable life.
i didn't bother applying for 2007/2008. i had made almost enough working during the summer (back when minimum wage was $8.25) to afford the costs of my tuition but no where close to my residence fees. i worked during this year and saved up some money. in the summer of 2008, i couldn't land a well-paying job and only occasionally worked weekends at a camp on call for 2 months. so i had applied to OSAP for 2008/2009. this time, they gave me just over $2,000. again, not nearly enough to cover tuition or residence fees. i didn't have that much money in the bank, but i was now working just under 20 hours a week during the school year. my parents didn't make that much money, in fact, they made even less that year, and they still had to support 2 children in post-secondary education.
i had a part-time job during the summer of 2009 and a full-time job for just over a month. my bank account was starting to grow. in 2009/2010, OSAP decided to be sort of nice to me since i had stayed in school and used them twice before. i was living at home for first semester and working up to 20 hours again. my second semester was studying abroad and OSAP gave me just over $5,000. that was enough to cover tuition; but not the $10,000 extra and spending money to study abroad. i also received a bursary for going away -- but i think it was $200. maybe it was $500. i don't really remember. it's a good thing i had saved up quite a bit of money to reward myself with going away even during the recession.
upon return from my adventures of studying in new zealand, i picked up a job that guaranteed me full-time/overtime hours in the peak of summer. i was making a shit ton of money and living at home. i had 3.5 credits remaining in order to graduate in 2010/2011. 3.5 credits was still considered a full course load and i could have applied for OSAP, but i refused. they would have given me more money this time for sure as i was now independent of my parents, but still living at home for the year. i told OSAP to fuck off for the year and enjoyed my shit ton of money saved from the summer/whatever was left from paying a smaller tuition for not that many credits and sailed in spending money from my 20 hours a week part-time job.
2011/2012, i began my postgrad living in toronto, completely independent of my parents and making something ridiculous like less than $2,000 over the course of the summer. OSAP was my only option; and they gave me less than $12,000 to help with tuition, books, rent, and food. it was a great thing that i saved up practically all the money i made from the previous year working and kept my expenses to a minimum. i paid my full first semester tuition in june without any help from OSAP yet as my funding had yet to be released until september. OSAP helped with the second semester tuition and has been covering my rent most months.
i guess the most exciting thing about applying for OSAP are the surprises you never know about, such as the textbook and technology grant of $150. yep, sent to me almost by the time first semester had ended, it kept me drunk and fed for a few days. or for instance, the email i just received from seneca, telling me that i was selected as the recipient for the ontario student access guarantee bursary. how and why i'm still sort of confused about.. but an extra $800 will help me with next month's rent for sure. i don't remember filling in any application for something like this. i really hope it's not a mistake.
and hey, is that a GST cheque i see in my bank account already?
2012, you're starting to redeem yourself already.
Jan 4, 2012
resolution
i have a tendency to make the same resolutions year after year. but they aren't those generic resolutions to eat better, lose weight, or work out more (which, are all related and let's face it; i don't really need to do any of those things).
no, my resolutions are of a different kind suited to my inner well-being rather than the exterior. and if i can simplify my resolution into two words:
better decision-making.
2011 was a rough year in any and almost all of the decisions i made. many were life-changing. many were wrong. and many were decisions i can never take back. but there was an upside to several of my decisions on occasion, so not everything was as bad as i'm making it out to be. in fact, i know exactly when things began to take a turn for the worst and pretty much just spiraled out of control. there were too many months where i felt as though i had reverted back to my 15 year old self through decisions that were made.
and hey, i loved my 15 year old self. just not enough to go back to it again.
generally, i'm a pretty fucking happy girl. i don't focus on negatives. i manage my stress effectively. i don't really shut people out and tend to give second chances when i probably shouldn't. i don't say a lot of mean things without sarcasm and hell, i love my friends and family to death. but my decision-making could always be better. and, i'll be honest: i was hurt more times than i can count in 2011.
a rejection from niagara meant i had no future; but opened up the scrambled possibility of moving to toronto and going to seneca.
i lost friends due to reasons beyond my control; but gained new ones (albeit who knows how much better some of them are).
i successfully ruined my longest relationship on more than one occasion; and well, i'm still waiting for the positive yang to my yin on this one.
2011 definitely overstayed its welcome.
here's to the new year:
- to keeping healthy;
- to being active;
- for good times with family and friends;
- for a better relationship to find me when the time is right; and
- to better, all around decision-making on my part.
cheers to 2012.
no, my resolutions are of a different kind suited to my inner well-being rather than the exterior. and if i can simplify my resolution into two words:
better decision-making.
2011 was a rough year in any and almost all of the decisions i made. many were life-changing. many were wrong. and many were decisions i can never take back. but there was an upside to several of my decisions on occasion, so not everything was as bad as i'm making it out to be. in fact, i know exactly when things began to take a turn for the worst and pretty much just spiraled out of control. there were too many months where i felt as though i had reverted back to my 15 year old self through decisions that were made.
and hey, i loved my 15 year old self. just not enough to go back to it again.
generally, i'm a pretty fucking happy girl. i don't focus on negatives. i manage my stress effectively. i don't really shut people out and tend to give second chances when i probably shouldn't. i don't say a lot of mean things without sarcasm and hell, i love my friends and family to death. but my decision-making could always be better. and, i'll be honest: i was hurt more times than i can count in 2011.
a rejection from niagara meant i had no future; but opened up the scrambled possibility of moving to toronto and going to seneca.
i lost friends due to reasons beyond my control; but gained new ones (albeit who knows how much better some of them are).
i successfully ruined my longest relationship on more than one occasion; and well, i'm still waiting for the positive yang to my yin on this one.
2011 definitely overstayed its welcome.
here's to the new year:
- to keeping healthy;
- to being active;
- for good times with family and friends;
- for a better relationship to find me when the time is right; and
- to better, all around decision-making on my part.
cheers to 2012.
Dec 26, 2011
semester in review
it took about four months and the night before my project management exam to finally learn how to calculate net present value, earned value, and the critical path method. and it was all thanks to a dude in my program and youtube's SirGanttAlot.
somehow, i figure if i'm learning more from youtube than the education i'm paying for, there might be a serious problem. i was rewarded today with my results and i'm pretty happy; ending with a C+ in project management is what i needed to achieve in order to stay in the program. of course, everything else was fine: B in law, B+ in environmental management, A in business, and A+ in english. yes, postgrad is a bit of a joke. i can only hope that it stays that way for next semester.
shit, did i really just finish my first four months and first semester in toronto already?
i've been home for the holidays since tuesday afternoon and i've likely spent more time with friends than my actual family. everyone was around for christmas dinner and opening gifts; i'm excited to play the new batman soon. i had to make a decision whether i should bring all my dirty clothes home or my xbox. i think i made the right decision.
i'm heading back to toronto on wednesday and figuring out something to do for new years eve but i don't know what that will be yet. school starts back up january 9th -- my schedule currently shows 3 more 8am classes. i'm very unhappy. nobody knows what's happening with the internship yet. they didn't tell us anything before we left, so i hope it's all sorted out by the time we get back.
i'm also thinking about applying to seneca's green business management postgrad program for september 2012. it looks more interesting than what i'm doing currently; more of a focus on the environment and sustainability plus an internship that seems to be much more organized than my program too. and it costs less. and it'll mean living in toronto for another year.
i'll go talk to them once i get back in january. originally, i was gonna go talk to someone after my last exam... but.. y'know.. i kinda started drinking at 11am when my exam finished. i figured it was a better use of my time.
happy holidays!
"so have a merry christmas, happy channukah, kwazy kwanza, a tip top tet, and a solemn, dignified ramadan.
..and now a word from my god; our sponsor."
somehow, i figure if i'm learning more from youtube than the education i'm paying for, there might be a serious problem. i was rewarded today with my results and i'm pretty happy; ending with a C+ in project management is what i needed to achieve in order to stay in the program. of course, everything else was fine: B in law, B+ in environmental management, A in business, and A+ in english. yes, postgrad is a bit of a joke. i can only hope that it stays that way for next semester.
shit, did i really just finish my first four months and first semester in toronto already?
i've been home for the holidays since tuesday afternoon and i've likely spent more time with friends than my actual family. everyone was around for christmas dinner and opening gifts; i'm excited to play the new batman soon. i had to make a decision whether i should bring all my dirty clothes home or my xbox. i think i made the right decision.
i'm heading back to toronto on wednesday and figuring out something to do for new years eve but i don't know what that will be yet. school starts back up january 9th -- my schedule currently shows 3 more 8am classes. i'm very unhappy. nobody knows what's happening with the internship yet. they didn't tell us anything before we left, so i hope it's all sorted out by the time we get back.
i'm also thinking about applying to seneca's green business management postgrad program for september 2012. it looks more interesting than what i'm doing currently; more of a focus on the environment and sustainability plus an internship that seems to be much more organized than my program too. and it costs less. and it'll mean living in toronto for another year.
i'll go talk to them once i get back in january. originally, i was gonna go talk to someone after my last exam... but.. y'know.. i kinda started drinking at 11am when my exam finished. i figured it was a better use of my time.
happy holidays!
"so have a merry christmas, happy channukah, kwazy kwanza, a tip top tet, and a solemn, dignified ramadan.
..and now a word from my god; our sponsor."
Dec 11, 2011
living with stress
i've always felt i have the ability to manage my stress pretty effectively.
but that's probably only because it's in my nature to let all my stress build up to a point of no return. and with the amount of things i've had to face this semester between school and living here, it's beginning to get the best of me now that it's exam time.
several things happened yesterday that made me feel rather uncomfortable:
1. corey found a mouse in our garbage
now, i'll admit that sometimes our kitchen is not the cleanest. bur our garbage doesn't normally pile up or be left for significant periods of time. it rarely smells. and we keep all our recyclables on the island until someone decides to take them out. so where the fuck did this mouse come from?
well, it could be from the number of our interior/exterior doors that don't close properly. the little fucker could have came in through any one of them. corey was emptying the garbage last night and the mouse jumped out at him. it ran somewhere, either behind the stove or dishwasher. we don't know. there was so much mouse shit behind the garbage. now i'm more afraid that i'm going to get a late night mousey visitor while i'm asleep. we have moved our garbage from underneath the sink to the island counter in hopes that charles will leave our apartment. perhaps we may even catch him and keep him as a pet?
2. water dripping from the bathroom vent
last night, there was this constant stream of water/pee flowing from the bathroom ceiling vent for a good... ten to fifteen minutes. luckily, the bathroom vent is mostly over the toilet; so the majority of the water/pee was going into the toilet. we're not sure why this was happening but eventually it did stop.
3. bathroom ceiling starting to bend
this may be connected to the water dripping from the bathroom vent, but the ceiling around the vent is beginning to curve and bend, like what happens when there is water damage to a wall. it's been getting worse over the last few months.
again, i'm sure this has something to do with the renovations upstairs... but i still constantly hear people doing things.. like living and not renovating during the evening hours. i wonder what's actually happening up there.
4. full garbage chutes
the superintendent seems to disappear on weekends and is 'off duty'. this causes problems in the use of our garbage chute on the floor. it gets backed up to an insane degree and is not always resolved by monday morning. my neighbours either need to learn how to use a chute properly (and keep their recyclables like a normal person) or the garbage needs to be emptied on a daily basis, even on the weekend.
those are just my apartment troubles from last night.
my exam stress is 4 exams in 3 days, and a 5th exam on the 5th day. with the two most difficult on wednesday. my bigger problem is my professor who teaches two of my classes this semester who thinks that:
1. it's alright to fail me on the midterm by two marks and tell me he wouldn't look at it again.
2. it's alright to insult me by saying my handwriting is illegible (but yet, nobody in the class can ever read his writing).
3. it's alright to circle words on my midterm that he didn't agree with but mean the same thing and giving me zero or half marks.
it's not as if i asked to be on his bad side; i attended class and participated. i did well on quizzes and assignments... for the most part. if i can get an almost 90 in the multiple choice section of the midterm; fail the short answer section that is based off of the multiple choice questions because he "couldn't read my writing" or didn't agree with the words i used to describe my short answers; and bomb the problems section of the midterm.. there's seriously an issue with his marking and teaching. and when 95% of the class needs to approach the prof after the midterm to discuss marks... it is definitely not a student problem.
i need to at least pass his exam on wednesday in order to make sure i'll pass the course (despite passing and doing well on everything else in his class). so, i'm a bit stressed over that. but i'm studying. i just hope i won't freeze up wednesday morning.
tomorrow: open book law exam.
tuesday: ridiculously easy english exam.
wednesday: project managamenet exam (need to pass); business exam (study and i'll be fine).
friday: EMS exam (would appreciate doing better on the exam than the midterm.. but who knows with that prof).
is it friday at 10:30am yet?
but that's probably only because it's in my nature to let all my stress build up to a point of no return. and with the amount of things i've had to face this semester between school and living here, it's beginning to get the best of me now that it's exam time.
several things happened yesterday that made me feel rather uncomfortable:
1. corey found a mouse in our garbage
now, i'll admit that sometimes our kitchen is not the cleanest. bur our garbage doesn't normally pile up or be left for significant periods of time. it rarely smells. and we keep all our recyclables on the island until someone decides to take them out. so where the fuck did this mouse come from?
well, it could be from the number of our interior/exterior doors that don't close properly. the little fucker could have came in through any one of them. corey was emptying the garbage last night and the mouse jumped out at him. it ran somewhere, either behind the stove or dishwasher. we don't know. there was so much mouse shit behind the garbage. now i'm more afraid that i'm going to get a late night mousey visitor while i'm asleep. we have moved our garbage from underneath the sink to the island counter in hopes that charles will leave our apartment. perhaps we may even catch him and keep him as a pet?
2. water dripping from the bathroom vent
last night, there was this constant stream of water/pee flowing from the bathroom ceiling vent for a good... ten to fifteen minutes. luckily, the bathroom vent is mostly over the toilet; so the majority of the water/pee was going into the toilet. we're not sure why this was happening but eventually it did stop.
3. bathroom ceiling starting to bend
this may be connected to the water dripping from the bathroom vent, but the ceiling around the vent is beginning to curve and bend, like what happens when there is water damage to a wall. it's been getting worse over the last few months.
again, i'm sure this has something to do with the renovations upstairs... but i still constantly hear people doing things.. like living and not renovating during the evening hours. i wonder what's actually happening up there.
4. full garbage chutes
the superintendent seems to disappear on weekends and is 'off duty'. this causes problems in the use of our garbage chute on the floor. it gets backed up to an insane degree and is not always resolved by monday morning. my neighbours either need to learn how to use a chute properly (and keep their recyclables like a normal person) or the garbage needs to be emptied on a daily basis, even on the weekend.
those are just my apartment troubles from last night.
my exam stress is 4 exams in 3 days, and a 5th exam on the 5th day. with the two most difficult on wednesday. my bigger problem is my professor who teaches two of my classes this semester who thinks that:
1. it's alright to fail me on the midterm by two marks and tell me he wouldn't look at it again.
2. it's alright to insult me by saying my handwriting is illegible (but yet, nobody in the class can ever read his writing).
3. it's alright to circle words on my midterm that he didn't agree with but mean the same thing and giving me zero or half marks.
it's not as if i asked to be on his bad side; i attended class and participated. i did well on quizzes and assignments... for the most part. if i can get an almost 90 in the multiple choice section of the midterm; fail the short answer section that is based off of the multiple choice questions because he "couldn't read my writing" or didn't agree with the words i used to describe my short answers; and bomb the problems section of the midterm.. there's seriously an issue with his marking and teaching. and when 95% of the class needs to approach the prof after the midterm to discuss marks... it is definitely not a student problem.
i need to at least pass his exam on wednesday in order to make sure i'll pass the course (despite passing and doing well on everything else in his class). so, i'm a bit stressed over that. but i'm studying. i just hope i won't freeze up wednesday morning.
tomorrow: open book law exam.
tuesday: ridiculously easy english exam.
wednesday: project managamenet exam (need to pass); business exam (study and i'll be fine).
friday: EMS exam (would appreciate doing better on the exam than the midterm.. but who knows with that prof).
is it friday at 10:30am yet?
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