(dis)abled

for whatever reason since i moved to toronto, i've been dealing with a seemingly never-ending list of ailments. the latest being the stupidity of my knees/legs not working properly. and let me tell you, toronto is hardly accessible for the functional pedestrian, let alone those who aren't quite able-bodied.

my knees got exceptionally bad the past couple weeks and i've been back on meds the last couple days with positive improvements. like the majority of toronto pedestrians, i spend a lot of my time commuting on the ttc during rush hour. i, like everyone else, still have to get to work, whether my knees work or not. i can't afford constant taxis (not an uber because windows phone problems), i can't always walk a long distance (or short distances some days) and i definitely can't bike.

on one particularly rough knee day, it's rush hour and i'm trying to get home. a couple of king streetcars pass by me, too packed for me to even begin to think about getting on. a third one comes along and although i've been standing around the longest, everyone rushes the streetcar before it stops. it looks like there might be some room and i make a move. i make it onto the streetcar and move about an inch from the white line and can barely stand on my own two feet. i have a very noticeable limp. i look around frantically to see if someone might be able to give up their seat for me. in the blue accessible seats is an older lady and two younger looking people. as i continue looking around and trying to make eye contact with anyone at all sitting down, i feel a small tap on my back and a quiet voice: "sweetie, do you need a seat?".

it's the older lady. the only one who has noticed me get on the streetcar and require a seat. now, the last thing i want to do is move this older lady from her seat because i need one. i also do not feel comfortable asking someone for a seat because they might have some sort of invisible, underlying disability. or maybe they've been on their feet for 8+ hours a day and the only time they got to sit down was their commute home. i can only hope that someone who is a bit more able-bodied than me at the time will be nice enough to get up and let me have their seat.

i smiled at the old lady, nodded my head, and said "yeah, i do. is that okay?". the second i said something, the two younger people got up from the seats and moved so i could sit down. i was grateful, but the entire situation could have been avoided if everyone paid attention to the people getting on the streetcar.

a similar encounter happened while i was with another friend during rush hour on the subway. a train rolls into the station as the two of us are on the escalator down. as we're in no real rush and i can't quite move that fast, we get off the escalator and take a few steps toward the train when the doors ding dang dong. a few more steps and we would have been on the train with no issues. instead, an older man barrels down the escalator at full speed, yells, and pushes right through us to get on the train, nearly knocking the two of us down in the process. the doors close and the train leaves while we try to gather ourselves back up and realize that an older man just pushed two young girls out of the way to get on a train during rush hour. i was dumbfounded. 30 seconds later, another train rolled into the station and we were on our way again.

a slight push in the wrong direction, a twist of my own body, or my foot touching the crack of a sidewalk the wrong way can cause me a lot of distress and a possible dislocation/sublaxation of my knees. i wear knee braces to minimize the risk of this happening, but there is always possibility. this is why my greatest fear is now people. i can only be so careful to avoid certain situations and crowds, but i still have to get around, get to work, get home, go to buy groceries, attempt a social life and try my best to continue living life to the best of my ability.

i think the biggest problem is that when you see my face, i look like a young and healthy girl. a young, normal girl with knees that don't work the way they should.

please be mindful of those around you and don't fucking barrel through people. i assure you, the last thing you want to do is hear me scream if my knees dislocate. i guarantee you will be hearing that scream until you die. just ask my coworkers in that kitchen during the summer of 2011.

dear ontario government/city of toronto, thanks for nothing

i'd just like to thank the ontario government/city of toronto for fucking me over royally.

i couldn't afford to live in toronto after i finished school last april, so in june/july, i applied for social assistance and was accepted. they offered me some basic money every month that didn't cover my rent, but at least it helped a bit. they were supposed to give me money for volunteering. they didn't. i'm with one worker until i get my job in august.

when i got a full time job in august, they gave me money for 2 more months, once because i didn't get my first pay until the end of my first month of work and the second time because i was unaware i had to report my income every month to them, even though they knew i had a full-time, well-enough paying job. they were supposed to tack on more money for volunteering. they didn't. they were supposed to give me money for getting a job - a, "here, buy some nice clothes and get a haircut for your new job" - and they only gave me half. so i thought. i'm passed to another worker at this point, who i never meet.

3 months go by and i'm out of a job. i leave toronto for almost the entirety of november and come back in december to call social assistance and get back on it. turns out i have too much money now and i'm not eligible. uh, okay. also, i had been transferred to yet another worker. i call back in january to this new worker when i have less money. okay, i'm eligible. they go back and give me money for december. they give me the full amount for that clothes thing, which they mistakenly didn't give me before. at all. they tack on the volunteering amount and now i can roughly make my rent costs without much of a struggle. i can't afford much else, but i can at least afford a roof over my head.

two days later, after all of this is settled and i'm told all of my money problems have been rectified and i'm actually a file in their system now, i get a new job. a part time job that doesn't pay well. i notify the correct people and am told i'll be transferred to ANOTHER worker who i've yet to meet. i report my income for february and they continue to give me a fair amount of money. well, look at that! i can kind of afford things! not a lot of things. but things. in march, i don't make that much more than i do in february and i figure they'll give me the same amount. a few days ago, i received a letter booking me for an updated appointment to meet my new worker. on a tuesday morning. hey uh, remember that job i have and stuff? the one i told the last worker about - that i work monday to friday, AT LEAST 9am-2pm? yeah. i do. so why don't you?

i stopped in to see someone this afternoon and met with my new worker who looked about as young as i do. i had to essentially re-tell my entire life story to her because she knew nothing about me and didn't even bother to look at my file. i was already having the worst day so i was getting ready to just get up and walk away from her. she told me that she didn't receive my income report even though i mailed it out. then i told her how much i made and she said i probably wouldn't be eligible for this month because i made too much money. excuse me?

as per EVERY SINGLE WORKER I'VE DEALT WITH SO FAR, she made a comment about how my phone number is still a niagara number. yes, it's long distance. yes, you're the fucking city of toronto, i'm PRETTY SURE YOU CAN AFFORD A LONG DISTANCE CALL TO ME OCCASIONALLY. she went on to tell me that i hadn't been given the volunteering amount of money yet. YET. IT HAD BEEN AT LEAST THREE MONTHS SINCE I HAD TRIPLE CONFIRMED THAT I'D GET THAT MONEY. which means i also probably didn't get the "hey go buy new clothes and get a haircut because you got a job again" money.

oh, then i was eligible for this month. FOR 14 FUCKING CENTS. 

let this be a lesson to everyone: even if you're low income/no income, you'll still get fucked over by the people who are supposed to give you money because you're low income/no income.

fuck. you.

my recycling nightmare

since september, i've become one of the 1.6 million daily riders of the ttc. it's pretty convenient for getting around, especially when i can get from my place to school in about an hour.

but ttc advertising is a little strange sometimes. i'll admit that some of the posters gain my interest and i'll google the place/company/product/whatever and go on their advertised website if i remember once i'm near a computer (because SOME of us have a phone that calls and texts people, rather than to surf the interwebs). for instance, when i saw a poster for an MTax; mostly just for tyler and his tax business. or when i saw one for memorial university in newfoundland as a couple of programs were extremely relevant to my undergrad. or even, fuck, subway subs of the day. 

yes, ttc advertising works. but i don't enjoy this month's ttc advertisements. the idea is to make the ttc "litter free" and depicts various litter items, such as newspapers and coffee cups on the seats of the train or on the platform floors, saying "i don't belong here" or "put me where i belong" or something along those lines. at the bottom of the advertisement, the 3 standard ttc recycling stations are pictured and it says to "put litter in its place" or again -- something along those lines. my outrage over this matter makes my memory fuzzy when it comes to the actual wording on the advertisement.

this isn't the actual advertisement, but still pretty neat.

as i was preparing to run a sustainability workshop this week for university of toronto clubs executives, it became extremely clear to me that we're basically in a crisis when it comes to effective and appropriate recycling strategies. not that many people actually know HOW to recycle without compromising a bin. the city of toronto website offers a great deal of information on the subject AND even has a waste wizard that allows you to figure out what items go where if they aren't listed.

my concerns aren't really over the fact that people don't know how to recycle a newspaper. those handy metros and onions and whatever else is there to keep you sane during a commute belong in one bin; the one labelled with the pictures and words of newspapers. and even still, i see many commuters putting them in the garbage. whyyyyyyyyyy?! why does this happen?! it takes the same amount of time to recycle wrong as it does to recycle right! 

all recycling varies by regions and municipalities, sometimes even city to city, or town to town. it's important to be informed about what your area recycles and what it doesn't. being a recycling station monitor at greenbuild in october 2011 definitely helped me understand toronto's insane recycling policies. which is also why the ttc advertising frustrates me. how many of you actually know how to recycle your takeout coffee cups? tim hortons roll up the rim cups, mcdonalds, and starbucks coffee cups plague the city and the subway. the majority of my friends don't have a clue how to recycle their coffee cups. so if they don't know how, there's a good chance that everyone who isn't me doesn't know either. 

here's the breakdown (taken word for word from my sustainability workshop powerpoint):

Standard 3 category (Paper, Plastics, Garbage) recycling station:

Sleeves and cups go in PAPER
Lids, stirrers, teabags, etc go in the GARBAGE

When an “Organics" bin is included:
Sleeves and cups go in PAPER
Stirrers, teabags, etc go in ORGANICS
Lids go in the GARBAGE

When a “Coffee Cup/Coffee Miscellaneous" bin is included:
Sleeves go in PAPER
Lids go in GARBAGE
Coffee cups, teabags, stirrers, etc can all usually go in the COFFEE CUP/COFFEE MISCELLANEOUS

see, it's more difficult than you expected! that's exactly why i can't stand the takeout coffee cup "i don't belong here" ttc poster advertisement. the city should make their advertising more effective by showing commuters where each item of the coffee cup goes in the recycling bin process. then there would be even less compromise in ttc bins.... i hope! 

perhaps i'll even write a letter (email?) to the ttc and express my rage in their advertising campaign. i just hope i'm not the only one making a big deal about this.