dear ontario government/city of toronto, thanks for nothing

i'd just like to thank the ontario government/city of toronto for fucking me over royally.

i couldn't afford to live in toronto after i finished school last april, so in june/july, i applied for social assistance and was accepted. they offered me some basic money every month that didn't cover my rent, but at least it helped a bit. they were supposed to give me money for volunteering. they didn't. i'm with one worker until i get my job in august.

when i got a full time job in august, they gave me money for 2 more months, once because i didn't get my first pay until the end of my first month of work and the second time because i was unaware i had to report my income every month to them, even though they knew i had a full-time, well-enough paying job. they were supposed to tack on more money for volunteering. they didn't. they were supposed to give me money for getting a job - a, "here, buy some nice clothes and get a haircut for your new job" - and they only gave me half. so i thought. i'm passed to another worker at this point, who i never meet.

3 months go by and i'm out of a job. i leave toronto for almost the entirety of november and come back in december to call social assistance and get back on it. turns out i have too much money now and i'm not eligible. uh, okay. also, i had been transferred to yet another worker. i call back in january to this new worker when i have less money. okay, i'm eligible. they go back and give me money for december. they give me the full amount for that clothes thing, which they mistakenly didn't give me before. at all. they tack on the volunteering amount and now i can roughly make my rent costs without much of a struggle. i can't afford much else, but i can at least afford a roof over my head.

two days later, after all of this is settled and i'm told all of my money problems have been rectified and i'm actually a file in their system now, i get a new job. a part time job that doesn't pay well. i notify the correct people and am told i'll be transferred to ANOTHER worker who i've yet to meet. i report my income for february and they continue to give me a fair amount of money. well, look at that! i can kind of afford things! not a lot of things. but things. in march, i don't make that much more than i do in february and i figure they'll give me the same amount. a few days ago, i received a letter booking me for an updated appointment to meet my new worker. on a tuesday morning. hey uh, remember that job i have and stuff? the one i told the last worker about - that i work monday to friday, AT LEAST 9am-2pm? yeah. i do. so why don't you?

i stopped in to see someone this afternoon and met with my new worker who looked about as young as i do. i had to essentially re-tell my entire life story to her because she knew nothing about me and didn't even bother to look at my file. i was already having the worst day so i was getting ready to just get up and walk away from her. she told me that she didn't receive my income report even though i mailed it out. then i told her how much i made and she said i probably wouldn't be eligible for this month because i made too much money. excuse me?

as per EVERY SINGLE WORKER I'VE DEALT WITH SO FAR, she made a comment about how my phone number is still a niagara number. yes, it's long distance. yes, you're the fucking city of toronto, i'm PRETTY SURE YOU CAN AFFORD A LONG DISTANCE CALL TO ME OCCASIONALLY. she went on to tell me that i hadn't been given the volunteering amount of money yet. YET. IT HAD BEEN AT LEAST THREE MONTHS SINCE I HAD TRIPLE CONFIRMED THAT I'D GET THAT MONEY. which means i also probably didn't get the "hey go buy new clothes and get a haircut because you got a job again" money.

oh, then i was eligible for this month. FOR 14 FUCKING CENTS. 

let this be a lesson to everyone: even if you're low income/no income, you'll still get fucked over by the people who are supposed to give you money because you're low income/no income.

fuck. you.

new beginnings

in early january, i applied to an administrative assistant job  posting i saw for a green energy firm. three weeks later, i was called in for an interview, and two days later, after completing an aptitude test, i was hired on.

the following week, i started job shadowing and training. there's a lot to know but i feel like i have an actual idea what i'm doing this time. i also don't believe that it will be as stressful as my last job, seeing as though it's only going to be part-time for the time being.

i've opted for a  part-time commitment because i'm just not sure if i can go back to full-time work. although i haven't had any real symptoms in nearly a month, my fear still stands. i don't want the same thing happening. i can't go back to hospitals and antibiotics. i can't go through what i did again. i'm not interested in almost dying again.

my director knows that i could eventually go full-time. so getting more hours than anticipated for some weeks if things don't get completed in their entirety is a good possibility. in the mean time, it's almost as though i'm a supervisor. i look after reps and keep tabs on their performance. i'm the punctuality police. i'm their performance tracker. i'm their payroll administrator. i'm the management operations specialist. i'm the customer relations expert. i'm the information request extraordinaire. i'm all of these titles and more for a pay that doesn't nearly seem like enough. and yet, i am enjoying it way more than being a gruntwork analyst at my previous job. 

unfortunately, this means i've also turned into old lady amber again. i'm exhausted by the time i get home and i don't want to do anything except play video games and go to bed. i can make attempts to maximize my weekend hours.. but it's never enough.

i was introduced to the 100 happy days challenge and have decided to take part. unfortunately, i picked the wrong day. i start tomorrow officially, but here's a sneak peak. i bought two very toronto-esque books today - robyn doolittle's crazy town (all about rob ford) & olivia chow's my journey. i don't feel i've spent nearly enough time reading lately, even with my unemployed free time. these will help me unwind after work days and i'm already hooked on crazy town. the rob ford saga is something that continues to baffle me, day after day. i'll post #100happydays across both my facebook and twitter platforms, as well as this blog if the happy is substantial or has a good story.

i'm usually a pretty happy, optimistic girl. i don't get overwhelmed by negative emotions and i think that is something which keeps me happy most days. even when life tries to get me down, it might for a little bit, but i know ways to make me happy. so why am i participating in the challenge?

i just want to be thankful for what i have. i want other people to see what i see, that i can find the happiness and positive every day. i want my friends who are struggling with mental/physical illnesses to maybe find some happiness in the happiness i bring to life. i want to keep my optimism up. i've never actually participated in any kind of online challenge before and this seemed like a good way to start, considering those facebook challenge things going around right now where people make videos in their undies out in the cold weather, chug a beer, and nominate three other people to do the same in 24 hours isn't something i'd ever participate in... but that's just my preference.

so what was my happy yesterday?

the german grapefruit wheat beer i had at house on parliament. deliciousness knows no bounds.

i'm ready!

sometimes things get, complicated

where do i start?

1. the job hunt solution
it seems like i had been coordinating an interview time with the home depot for about a month. it was constant phone tag and problems with scheduling because apparently, people don't listen to me when i tell them that i'm busy. eventually, they called me with a time that worked on the thursday for the following tuesday. on the friday, i confirmed and asked for a confirmation callback just to make sure i knew what i was getting myself into. by the time tuesday rolled around, i still hadn't heard from them on a confirmation and i was worried.

with the help of some opinions from friends, i decided to show up to the supposed interview regardless of the confirmation call. it didn't help that i was feeling terrible with a cold and i didn't want to go; but i went. as i commuted to the home depot, i realized that i was in familiar territory. besides a recent encounter with a dude that set me up with a walk of shame from mid-town, there was something else about this area that seemed too ridiculously familiar. and then i walked by a place i had an interview with back in early summer: the school uniform place. it took all my might not to walk my ass in there and see if anyone in the store remembered who i was. that's just the sort of mood i was in that particular evening on the way to my interview.

i walked into the home depot and talked to somebody about how i'm there for an interview but i wasn't sure exactly who i was supposed to interview with. eventually, it gets sorted and i meet with a store manager. he asks some pretty detailed questions about projects and my experience but i was confident in my responses. i knew what i was talking about -- i guess that project management background was starting to pay off. the position was for a project coordinator that, when i was applying for the position, was part-time. this part-time idea was confirmed with the HR manager upon my successful passing of the pre-screen interview. but the store manager told me differently -- that he wanted someone flexible enough to work a 40+ hour work week if it should arise. well, fuck. i left the interview feeling useless.

by thursday afternoon, i receive a call from the HR manager again asking me to meet with her friday afternoon to discuss and consider positions. i was intrigued and she had basically refused to answer my questions over the phone. so, friday afternoon, after the longest commute ever from school, i met up with her. she verbally offered me a position at the special services desk looking after customer projects and things like that. she said she could also cross-train me on project coordination as the two departments coincide with each other and work as a cross-functional team most of the time. i was stoked on this offer and filled in the paperwork immediately. upon the completion and passing of a back check and reference check, as well as getting a go ahead from headquarters (as they're creating a new position for me to set up wages and so on), i would be hired.

so now i wait for a call on wednesday to possibly start on friday. there you have it, after being unemployed for 1 year and 2 months, i may have a job. it's about fucking time.

2. the internship promotion 
remember that longboarding internship i had been working through over the past summer? the one that i was doing a crazy amount of work for without being paid (but at least getting some recognition for it, and having fun while i was doing it... most times)?

well, i had been working on a marketing/promotions project for about 2 months since the beginning of august, monitoring the progress of online advertisements and customer inquiries/sales. the thing was, there were no inquiries or sales. so i spent the majority of the project not doing anything and awaiting a response. last week, i received a response and sent it over. it was the first time in 2 months that i had heard an update from my 'boss', who had been MIA since i met with him at the beginning of august to work on this project. apparently, he had been very ill and took some time off. but he didn't tell me any of this.

i met with him and he told me how appreciative he is with all of the effort and enthusiasm i've put into my projects. and he wanted me to move up as an intern. essentially, he now wants me to help him make projects for the other interns and he wants me to supervise and train new interns. i was pretty stoked on this because i really enjoy managing people and well, developing projects. i'm all about conflict resolution and coming up with alternatives and recommendations on how to do things in a different way, which is probably why project management was such a good fit for me. besides my excellent organizational and time management skills -- geez.

3. the birthday, the school, and the other internship 

i turned 24 years old on saturday october 6. my celebrations started on friday after my ridiculous day of class, commuting, the home depot interview, more commuting, and the longboarding internship. i met up with friends for dinner and drinks and was passed out on my couch before midnight. yes, i was drunk, but also exhausted. it was well worth it. because canadian thanksgiving fell on the same weekend as my birthday, most friends headed home or had family things to attend. i didn't want to get in the way of that. my birthday almost always falls on thanksgiving every year. leave it to my parents to have 2 kids with birthdays that fall on holidays. i'm having a part next weekend to celebrate my birthday and i can't wait for that.

i spent my actual birthday day with much needed amber time and a couple surprises from friends. i had an early night and awaited the arrival of my parents the next day. on october 7, my parents came to visit me in toronto. they brought me a bunch of shit and helped clean up the apartment. i took them out for a nice hike through riverdale farm and had dinner and drinks at house on parliament. i was happy to see them.

i'm pretty swamped with school most of the time but i'm content with what's happening. i'm waiting to start my internship with metrolinx but i don't know exactly what's going on with that or what to expect. i've finished a few papers and presentations so far that keep me busy and i also took on hip hop and zumba classes for a few weeks (although i didn't go last week since i was sick... boooo.)

starting next week, i'm managing school, 2 internships, and a part-time job. so if you need me or want to do something, make sure to book me a year in advance.

the last first week of school

that was a fast summer for not working in paid employment.

i'm back at school now. another graduate certificate. this time around: green business management. i've regaled my classmates of the horrors of last year's program and the way that only one dude was able to get a job in the field... which just so happened to be his dream company. it's difficult to remain optimistic in these troubled times.

but, fortunately this time around, the program doesn't feel like a joke. i'm already busy working away on assignments, papers, and presentations. perhaps this is where i can find whatever is left of my motivation to be in school again for the 7th year. i now have more education experience on my resume than work experience. that also means my student debt is pretty fucking outrageous. yet, my options were limited. i could have scrapped school and kept on with my unemployed job search -- to what end? i probably would have been more miserable if i didn't go to school.

i took the last couple weeks of my summer off from the job hunt. mostly, because i was tired of it and there wasn't many places that were worth my time in order to apply. i have every right to be a picky motherfucker and aim for the jobs i feel are the best fit for me -- personality wise and education wise. and to my surprise, i have an interview with seneca on thursday afternoon for a marketing and communications position. it's part-time and works around my schedule. considering the majority of my summer was spent working on market research, marketing campaigns, promotions and so on, i feel like this could be extremely beneficial to me.

in fact, during the first week of school, one of my professors called me out on potentially being a marketing student. he explained to me that when i answered his question, he immediately thought i had a marketing background based on my answer. well, fuck -- i guess the summer internship and project management program paid off somehow.

i've also been up to some pretty fun things lately. i became an orientation staff member for u of t during the parade, concert (kardinal offishall, le sera, & anjulie), and after party. last year, i was an orientation leader volunteer -- basically, i got to do whatever was needed. in that case, i did security for sam roberts. i was pretty ecstatic about doing that. this year, however, as a staff member, i was to manage and look after my volunteers. i ran the carnival area and food trucks. i back marshalled the parade and ensured the parade went smoothly. and then i went to guvernment for the after party -- the first time i've ever been there, and i monitored the lineup for too many underage drunk kids and tried to be as helpful as possible by shuttling people home on the right buses. i left at 1am for home because i could no longer take the stabbing pain in my legs and feet that proved how great of a time i had that day.

fucked up. he's the love of my life.

i won VIP tickets to riot fest in toronto too from exclaim. i was stoked on that. got to see fucked up, descendents, hot water music, nofx, and less than jake. i saw fucked up back in february at steamwhistle -- and it was amazing. the last time i saw less than jake and nofx was in grade 9 and 10, respectively. less than jake at the international centre way back and nofx at warped tour once. i was never really that into the descendents so we didn't stick around for too much of their set. and hot water music was pretty great because chuck ragan is super rad. i wish i knew more songs, though. 

VIP tickets

1 week down, 14 more to do for this semester. and i'll only have 2 or less exams for this semester. finally -- a program that doesn't require final exams testing how well i can memorize concepts and regurgitate information.

the booty call rejection

i feel like i just got a booty call rejection.

i went to my imax interview yesterday and i wasn't sure how it went. there were lots of questions regarding teamwork, fast-paced environments, success, and motivations. i answered them all like i normally would yet i can't seem to point out or gain any feedback as to where i'm going wrong. i left the interview with high hopes. i wanted this job so that i won't have to work until 2am at dave and buster's. it just had better hours and maybe a better environment for me.

he said he would call today in order to do his hiring, so i called him instead. i actually talked to him around noon and asked if he had made a decision on hiring and he told me he had not got around to it yet. i don't normally do follow up calls/emails but i do when it's something i really want. and the majority of these follow up calls/emails are met with rejection through words or silence (usually, in most cases, no response).  i felt like i was being crazy annoying and i hated myself for following up so quickly. it was similar to the first date rule.. wait three days? wait a day? or better yet, a booty call rejection; i wanted it and he didn't. if i don't get the call sometime today, i suppose i'll have to be even more annoying and call again tomorrow.

ardene called me last night for an interview and i scheduled one for this afternoon. she asked very few questions about my likes and dislikes about former jobs and the retail industry; where i see myself in 5 years, and my strengths and weaknesses. of all the retail interviews i have ever had, this one felt like i was finally in. perhaps she was just being nice, but i suppose i'll find out. i'll hear back next week if i get it. it'll only be part-time, 6-20 hours depending on the week, but it's mad close to my house and maybe i can work at 2 places? here's seriously hoping.

if i don't hear from imax today, i'll have to surrender and go sign up on payroll with dave and buster's at least for a little while. but i won't be happy with that decision.