new beginnings

in early january, i applied to an administrative assistant job  posting i saw for a green energy firm. three weeks later, i was called in for an interview, and two days later, after completing an aptitude test, i was hired on.

the following week, i started job shadowing and training. there's a lot to know but i feel like i have an actual idea what i'm doing this time. i also don't believe that it will be as stressful as my last job, seeing as though it's only going to be part-time for the time being.

i've opted for a  part-time commitment because i'm just not sure if i can go back to full-time work. although i haven't had any real symptoms in nearly a month, my fear still stands. i don't want the same thing happening. i can't go back to hospitals and antibiotics. i can't go through what i did again. i'm not interested in almost dying again.

my director knows that i could eventually go full-time. so getting more hours than anticipated for some weeks if things don't get completed in their entirety is a good possibility. in the mean time, it's almost as though i'm a supervisor. i look after reps and keep tabs on their performance. i'm the punctuality police. i'm their performance tracker. i'm their payroll administrator. i'm the management operations specialist. i'm the customer relations expert. i'm the information request extraordinaire. i'm all of these titles and more for a pay that doesn't nearly seem like enough. and yet, i am enjoying it way more than being a gruntwork analyst at my previous job. 

unfortunately, this means i've also turned into old lady amber again. i'm exhausted by the time i get home and i don't want to do anything except play video games and go to bed. i can make attempts to maximize my weekend hours.. but it's never enough.

i was introduced to the 100 happy days challenge and have decided to take part. unfortunately, i picked the wrong day. i start tomorrow officially, but here's a sneak peak. i bought two very toronto-esque books today - robyn doolittle's crazy town (all about rob ford) & olivia chow's my journey. i don't feel i've spent nearly enough time reading lately, even with my unemployed free time. these will help me unwind after work days and i'm already hooked on crazy town. the rob ford saga is something that continues to baffle me, day after day. i'll post #100happydays across both my facebook and twitter platforms, as well as this blog if the happy is substantial or has a good story.

i'm usually a pretty happy, optimistic girl. i don't get overwhelmed by negative emotions and i think that is something which keeps me happy most days. even when life tries to get me down, it might for a little bit, but i know ways to make me happy. so why am i participating in the challenge?

i just want to be thankful for what i have. i want other people to see what i see, that i can find the happiness and positive every day. i want my friends who are struggling with mental/physical illnesses to maybe find some happiness in the happiness i bring to life. i want to keep my optimism up. i've never actually participated in any kind of online challenge before and this seemed like a good way to start, considering those facebook challenge things going around right now where people make videos in their undies out in the cold weather, chug a beer, and nominate three other people to do the same in 24 hours isn't something i'd ever participate in... but that's just my preference.

so what was my happy yesterday?

the german grapefruit wheat beer i had at house on parliament. deliciousness knows no bounds.

i'm ready!

maybe happiness is wealthy if you spell it right

in toronto, you're always looking for a job, a boyfriend, or an apartment.

yes, i just tweaked a quote from sex and the city. i'm a girl. get over it.

i've been lucky enough to have one of those for the last 2 years. and it's not a boyfriend. despite ongoing issues with my apartment and struggles to pay rent, i've always had a roof over my head. it's the other 2 i can't seem to get or keep.

that all changed thursday afternoon when i got the call.

a job offer. a real job offer with a legitimate company. with a salary. and benefits. and vacation. and experience. and all the things i've been trying to get since i finished my BA in april 2011.

so how did it happen?

i saw a  job posting on linkedin for a "digital analyst" position. i didn't understand most of the vague description but noticed that i met all of the requirements. without looking up where this company was located, i applied via linkedin. if you're not familiar with this linkedin process, you can apply to jobs simply by sending across your profile and, if you want, a resume and cover letter.

you might remember that i've done this before and got an interview out of it for something in my field. my hopes for that one were extremely high and it fell through when they hired someone internally and kept me on the hook for weeks. i figured that one was going to be my big break and it wasn't. i guess you could say that's when i became overly depressed about my ongoing job hunt.

i applied to this digital analyst position with just my profile and resume. when i looked up the location after i applied, i realized that they were just up the street from me. i gained optimism. i could walk to work! the next day, i was contacted by an intern from the company asking about my salary expectations and my anticipated start date. upon my response, i was contacted yet again for an interview later that week.

i was interviewed by two people who didn't give off many signs that they were too interested in me or my qualifications. one was the manager and other was the guy currently in the position i was after. it was a standard interview with no "scenario-based" questions but more of "can you do this and this" and "how well can you do this and this" and the nice part was knowing that i could do everything they asked. i tried out a few new interview techniques that i had read about and had been told to use by various people in my life. using these techniques let me see my interviewers' true intentions about me. i was convinced they were interested in me.

the next day after the interview, i received another email requesting a second interview and scheduling an excel test. a second interview! in all of my job searching, i've never had a second interview. i was stoked. i met with the director of the team i'd be working with. she, like the other people interviewing me, didn't give off that many signs that she was interested in me. she kept talking about how my skills would be valuable in the position, but i know i've heard that on several occasions from other potential employers before.

then came the excel test. they gave me an advanced test to work on and told me not to worry about it because it was a very difficult test, but all they had. i went into the test feeling confident. i had spent the entire weekend boning up on advanced excel tutorials and figured i knew my shit. well, according to that test, i didn't. so i threw on my poker face and took it one step at a time. you know, only freaking out in my head about why these fucking numbers weren't showing up in the spreadsheet and where the fuck did those errors come from and how the fuck am i supposed to calculate this when it's missing the actual numbers to make the formula with... and so on. i maybe got through 1/4 of the test before my time limit was up. i made it very clear to the HR person about how the test didn't really reflect my excel ability and laughed it off. she seemed impressed with me and how i handled the test. i left the company trying my best not to punch anything on the way back home.

i figured that was it. i was going to get a call saying i sucked so much at the test and i wasn't going to get the job. or worse, i'd just never hear from them again even with my following up. they had told me they were going to make a decision wednesday. by wednesday afternoon and no response, i followed up, on edge. i knew they had contacted my references and at least 2 of my references had responded with awesome things to say about me. a response from the intern said they were very close to making a decision, but wednesday came and went.

by thursday morning, i had basically wiped this job out of my head. i figured they went with someone else. a little later thursday morning, i get a call with the job offer. i was stunned. i didn't even know how to react. i decided i was just so numb when it came to the job hunt that i wasn't even sure how to talk to someone about accepting a potential job offer. i guess 2 years of continuous rejection will do that. she sent over a written offer and i'm waiting to sign it tuesday. i start on august 12. it's a full-time, 9-5 deal. the best news was when i found out the building my company is in is LEED certified. so at least there's a kind of indirect exposure to sustainability where i'm working.

i'm 2 for 3. i now have a job to pay my rent (which is going up in september) to keep a roof over my head. i imagine it'll take another 2  years of continuous rejection to get that boyfriend, right?

the one question i'm tired of hearing

here's a meme that's been going around for awhile

i first saw it sometime last year and it's been something i refer to ever since when someone asks me how my job hunt it going.

yes, i'm tired of hearing any variation of "how is your job search going?" because lately, it seems to be the only thing people are concerned about in my life.

half the time, i'm not even sure how to answer the question. what, you want me to tell you about the 15 jobs i applied to today? you want me to tell you about the two interviews i have lined up this week? you want me to say that i lied to a guy so i could get an interview (and ended up getting that interview? - so now i'm fucked).

sorry - when did my life only get interesting in my pursuit of a job? it's like an interview question. why is this the only thing people tend to ask my anymore? yes, i've taken school-mode amber and transformed her into job-searching amber, but that doesn't make me any different from what i used to be.

let's put it this way: if i want to talk to you about my job search, i will. i'll tell you every juicy detail about it, whether you're actually interested in hearing or not. but until that day comes, you're going to get a shitty response from me. especially as i approach my 31st interview this week and you can probably smell my desperation for a job two towns over.

i consider my job search to be just like what my school coursework was like. i'd give you a brief synopsis of what i'm working on -- "oh, it's a paper on (this) and it has to be (this many words)." so when you ask me and i say "i have an interview for (this place) doing (these things) and it's (related to my field/not related to my field)" -- that's all you're really going to get from now on. and if i don't have any interviews coming up, i'll tell you that. and i don't want to hear any words of optimism or any advice on how to do things, unless you're someone who's in my field and has been in the field for 5+ years.

it's simple: my job search is my own personal business.

besides, my love life is much more interesting to hear about.

remember me as a time of day

my latest interview got me thinking about how people get to where they are in a current state. for instance, this lady interviewing me was one of the few people i've met who's in a project coordination role and doesn't have her PMP (project management professional certification). if anything, it gave me hope for the future of not needing to get a PMP designation.

the interview also let me think about the question "so tell me a bit about yourself" and the next 3 minutes out of my mouth are about the last 7 years of my life that i spent in school. but, there was also a social aspect to that which i failed to mention. it's not quite meant for an answer to an interview question, but i haven't poured my little heart out in a blog post about relationships for awhile.

here's 3 sort of interesting dude stories from my teenage years that have changed me. and really haven't changed the way i think about dudes.

oh, and these are all real names. because i remember names and not faces. and hell, if any of them actually read this (but i haven't talked to them since i was a teenager), i want them to know it's me and they were.. well.. them. 

1) "andrew"

i met andrew one summer in line at warped tour. i was maybe 14 or 15. he was this tall, skinny dude from the GTA. either me or the friends i was with in line started talking to him and his friends. eventually, i ended up getting separated from my friends and ended up hanging out with andrew. he didn't say a whole lot to me in line and i'm pretty sure i spent more time talking to his friends instead. when gates opened for warped tour, i waited around for my friends but couldn't find them, so i went off with andrew and his friends.

i had a set of bands i wanted to see and told andrew. apparently, the ones he wanted to see weren't on until later, so he accompanied me to see a bunch of my bands. i remember thinking that he was kinda neat but i wasn't sure if he just wanted to hear some music. we hang out watching my bands for a few hours and then head back over to the main stages to see one of his. he says he's tired and sits down on the grass. a couple of his friends pass us by and stop to say hey. suddenly, he grabs me and makes me sit on his lap. uhm, okay. that was unexpected. his friends mention that we're missing stuff happening on stage. he says something along the lines of that he doesn't care.

cool, so this dude wants to cuddle. or something. i'm confused but just go with it anyway. his friends leave and we're just sitting on the grass, me on top of him. we don't say anything for awhile. the more i sit on him, the more i realize that this dude is way too skinny and he's super uncomfortable to sit on. so i made a break for it and stood up. a few seconds later, i see one of my friends in the crowd and she sees me. she walks over to me with this gnarly looking tattooed dude. they talk to me for a second and then start making out in front of andrew and i.

i look away and look at andrew, who's also looking away from me. he looks back at me, smirks, and pulls me closer to him. i didn't know what to do so i just kissed him. it was weird. he kept holding onto me but didn't try to kiss me again. i'm confused. i let it be. after the band ends, he says he saw one of his friends leaving in the crowd and was gonna go see them. i told him that was cool and i'd be waiting there because a band i wanted to see was the next band on stage. he says he'll come find me in a bit.

never saw him again. no idea if he was serious about coming back to find me or if he just couldn't find me. we didn't exchange numbers or emails or myspaces or anything. not even last names. it's possible that the kiss was just so bad he didn't want anything more to do with me. hell, at that age, i had barely kissed anyone. or maybe he just wanted to cuddle me and hold me. i don't know. i didn't really care. the whole ordeal left me feeling weird and it took me a long time to make a first move on a dude again after that.

2) "evan" 

evan was a friend of my brother's. when i started grade 9, he was in grade 12. he was the muscley, bro, football player and someone i wasn't sure why my brother was friends with, considering my brother was and still is this small, skinny, quiet boy. even in grade 9, the "bro" and "football player" were not my type. i'm about as surprised as you are from this story.

several of my brother's friends seemed to be obsessed with me and i don't know why. it was an ongoing occurrence and i was one of the few niners that seemed to know almost every grade 12 in high school. evan and i had our strange encounters throughout the year but nothing that interesting to mention until one day, he stopped me in the hall and asked to take me out. wait, this bro wants to go on a date? hey now, i've seen a lot of movies -- i know how this ends up. i'll be honest, i wasn't nearly as cute as i am now. but come on, i was 14. i didn't know any better. but i never took him up on his offer.

at the end of the year, we get yearbooks and i see him by himself one day in the hall. i get him to sign my yearbook, which reads something along the lines of "it was great knowing you but i only have one regret: that i never got to take you out." he may have signed his number, i can't remember. so, what the fuck?

you'd think the story ends there. but it doesn't.

that summer, a friend and i are going through yearbooks and she tells me that she knows evan's sister. the thing was, i also knew evan's sister. but the sister didn't know i was interested in her brother. my friend tells me to add his first name, last name on MSN and see what happens. so i did. low and behold, it worked. we end up talking for most of the summer and into the beginning of the next school year when he started college. i felt so young and naive now that i was crushing on a dude in college. then, in another significant turn of events, i make friends with a girl in class who says that evan is her next door neighbour.

and because i was super creepy back then (and maybe i still am, but that's up to your judgement), i kept making excuses to hang out with that girl. or be around in that general area. one night in november, i'm walking by his house with some friends and his car is in the driveway. and for some reason, we go knock on the door. he's home. this is weird. he invites us in and we sit around watching tv in his basement. evan gets me to sit on his lap. uhm, okay. we watch tv some more and then leave shortly after. i hug evan goodbye and then he kisses me out of nowhere. one kiss. i should've known better.

man, i was hooked. i never saw him again but he got me good. i tried talking to him every day. i pretty much emailed him every other day talking about stupid things in my life and occasionally he'd reply. seriously, i hate myself for being that needy and ridiculous. but i was 14. i didn't know any better. eventually, he stopped replying and i cried for days. i guess i had hoped that i'd be kissed again. i wish i could just go back in time and slap 14 year old amber in her face sometimes.

3) "stewie"/"matt"

preface: i grew up in a small, tourist town that was a booming beach in the summertime. my summer hobby was walking around to various campsites and cottages to make new friends and get given free beer to drink for something to do from these tourists. in exchange for beer, we would regale these tourists with stories about how terrible the town is and/or makeout with those dudes that gave us beer. keep this in mind as you read on. 
 
you may have noticed that this dude has 2 names. it's because i couldn't actually figure out what his name was, but he answered to both. this story is probably the best dude story i have from my teenage years and he still crosses my mind a decade later.

i met stewie one summer during wakestock. i was 15. a friend and i started talking to a group of tall, muscley, surfer-esque dudes after one of the wakestock concerts. several of them were cute looking and i took to one of them immediately. the one with some kind of a tribal tattoo and "stewie" tatooed on his arm. one of the other dudes in the group asked my friend how old she was and she told them she was 16. this kind of put off some of the dudes because they were older. now, you see, this particular summer was different. normally, if someone had asked my age, i would've told them that i was 15. but my friend and i had decided to try something new and said that if anyone asked, i was 18 years old. i know. it's cruel and i'm setting myself up for trouble. so when stewie asked how old i was and i told him i was 18, he smirked. he then told me he was 23. yes, okay, i've always had a love affair with older dudes and this was no different.

once pleasantries and ages were discussed, we moved onto plans for what to do. the group of dudes were staying at an awful campsite, so my friend invited them all back to her place. we drink heavily through drinking games and have a rad time. as night rolls around, a bunch of us travel back to the beach and shops. stewie and i walk into one of the tattoo shops. we're both drunk as fuck. he offers to buy me a tattoo. being local, i knew every tattoo artist in the shop and all of them were looking at me wondering where i had picked up this drunk dude. stewie and i stand there looking at the wall of tattoos to choose from and he's convinced we're both getting matching frog tattoos. luckily, a tattoo artist came over to us and said they don't tattoo intoxicated people, like us. thinking stewie was actually going to be super pissed, i braced myself for some kinda mouthy backlash. instead, he shrugs and says something along the lines of "yeah, this probably isn't a good idea" and walks out of the shop. cute AND chill? jackpot.

we head back to my friend's place and watch a movie where stewie and i makeout for a bit and fall asleep cuddling. at like 5am, my friend is waking us up to get the dudes out of her place before he parents come home. haha. i share a kiss with stewie and exchange numbers/emails even though i had basically assumed i would never see him again because he lived out in buttfuck nowhere and i had lied to him about my age but had yet to tell him about that.

maybe a week goes by and i don't hear from him. again, a shot in the dark, i send him an email with my number and MSN again. almost immediately, he responds and we talk on and off for the rest of the summer. he calls my house many times just to chat and tell me his crazy party stories, like how he was at some party and next to the toilet was this giant hunting gun or something. the more i talked to him, the more i felt bad about lying to him because here was this great dude who called me a few times a week and wanted to get together again even though he lived far away from me.

school starts up again in september and we're still talking on and off. i believe he had a job of some sort where he lived but he was travelling a lot for it. it had been a few months now since we had been talking and my 16th birthday was coming up. i wanted to invite him to the party i was having for it but i didn't know how. and i felt bad.

about a week before my birthday, he's chatting to me on msn. i think in my msn name it said that my birthday was soon or i had mentioned to him before that i had an october birthday. so he started talking to me about it. he asked if i was going to be 19. i told him i wasn't going to be 19. then he asked if i was going to be 18. i uh, told him no. then he asked if i was going to be 17. and i uh, once again, had to tell him no. after many minutes of silence on both our parts, i told him i was going to be 16 years old.

and that was the end of that. he went offline and i never heard from him again. believe me, i feel terrible because y'know, making out with a 15 year old when you're 23 (turning 24 a couple weeks later from the makeout day) isn't the best thing. and i'm truly sorry for lying to him and keeping it from him for so long. it just sorta sucks since we got along so well with the age difference. maybe i was just mature. who knows. but i find it hard to believe that he believed that i was 18 when i'm nearly 25 now and still get ID'ed for booze most places. and when i was 15.. i looked 15. there was no question about it.

the hilarity of my life never ceases to amaze me. and it continues to amaze me as time goes on.

sometimes things get, complicated

where do i start?

1. the job hunt solution
it seems like i had been coordinating an interview time with the home depot for about a month. it was constant phone tag and problems with scheduling because apparently, people don't listen to me when i tell them that i'm busy. eventually, they called me with a time that worked on the thursday for the following tuesday. on the friday, i confirmed and asked for a confirmation callback just to make sure i knew what i was getting myself into. by the time tuesday rolled around, i still hadn't heard from them on a confirmation and i was worried.

with the help of some opinions from friends, i decided to show up to the supposed interview regardless of the confirmation call. it didn't help that i was feeling terrible with a cold and i didn't want to go; but i went. as i commuted to the home depot, i realized that i was in familiar territory. besides a recent encounter with a dude that set me up with a walk of shame from mid-town, there was something else about this area that seemed too ridiculously familiar. and then i walked by a place i had an interview with back in early summer: the school uniform place. it took all my might not to walk my ass in there and see if anyone in the store remembered who i was. that's just the sort of mood i was in that particular evening on the way to my interview.

i walked into the home depot and talked to somebody about how i'm there for an interview but i wasn't sure exactly who i was supposed to interview with. eventually, it gets sorted and i meet with a store manager. he asks some pretty detailed questions about projects and my experience but i was confident in my responses. i knew what i was talking about -- i guess that project management background was starting to pay off. the position was for a project coordinator that, when i was applying for the position, was part-time. this part-time idea was confirmed with the HR manager upon my successful passing of the pre-screen interview. but the store manager told me differently -- that he wanted someone flexible enough to work a 40+ hour work week if it should arise. well, fuck. i left the interview feeling useless.

by thursday afternoon, i receive a call from the HR manager again asking me to meet with her friday afternoon to discuss and consider positions. i was intrigued and she had basically refused to answer my questions over the phone. so, friday afternoon, after the longest commute ever from school, i met up with her. she verbally offered me a position at the special services desk looking after customer projects and things like that. she said she could also cross-train me on project coordination as the two departments coincide with each other and work as a cross-functional team most of the time. i was stoked on this offer and filled in the paperwork immediately. upon the completion and passing of a back check and reference check, as well as getting a go ahead from headquarters (as they're creating a new position for me to set up wages and so on), i would be hired.

so now i wait for a call on wednesday to possibly start on friday. there you have it, after being unemployed for 1 year and 2 months, i may have a job. it's about fucking time.

2. the internship promotion 
remember that longboarding internship i had been working through over the past summer? the one that i was doing a crazy amount of work for without being paid (but at least getting some recognition for it, and having fun while i was doing it... most times)?

well, i had been working on a marketing/promotions project for about 2 months since the beginning of august, monitoring the progress of online advertisements and customer inquiries/sales. the thing was, there were no inquiries or sales. so i spent the majority of the project not doing anything and awaiting a response. last week, i received a response and sent it over. it was the first time in 2 months that i had heard an update from my 'boss', who had been MIA since i met with him at the beginning of august to work on this project. apparently, he had been very ill and took some time off. but he didn't tell me any of this.

i met with him and he told me how appreciative he is with all of the effort and enthusiasm i've put into my projects. and he wanted me to move up as an intern. essentially, he now wants me to help him make projects for the other interns and he wants me to supervise and train new interns. i was pretty stoked on this because i really enjoy managing people and well, developing projects. i'm all about conflict resolution and coming up with alternatives and recommendations on how to do things in a different way, which is probably why project management was such a good fit for me. besides my excellent organizational and time management skills -- geez.

3. the birthday, the school, and the other internship 

i turned 24 years old on saturday october 6. my celebrations started on friday after my ridiculous day of class, commuting, the home depot interview, more commuting, and the longboarding internship. i met up with friends for dinner and drinks and was passed out on my couch before midnight. yes, i was drunk, but also exhausted. it was well worth it. because canadian thanksgiving fell on the same weekend as my birthday, most friends headed home or had family things to attend. i didn't want to get in the way of that. my birthday almost always falls on thanksgiving every year. leave it to my parents to have 2 kids with birthdays that fall on holidays. i'm having a part next weekend to celebrate my birthday and i can't wait for that.

i spent my actual birthday day with much needed amber time and a couple surprises from friends. i had an early night and awaited the arrival of my parents the next day. on october 7, my parents came to visit me in toronto. they brought me a bunch of shit and helped clean up the apartment. i took them out for a nice hike through riverdale farm and had dinner and drinks at house on parliament. i was happy to see them.

i'm pretty swamped with school most of the time but i'm content with what's happening. i'm waiting to start my internship with metrolinx but i don't know exactly what's going on with that or what to expect. i've finished a few papers and presentations so far that keep me busy and i also took on hip hop and zumba classes for a few weeks (although i didn't go last week since i was sick... boooo.)

starting next week, i'm managing school, 2 internships, and a part-time job. so if you need me or want to do something, make sure to book me a year in advance.

i could do a lot of things if i had some money

"i'm really enjoying not having a job." 

yes, i fucking said it. i'm enjoying not working, besides the fact that i'm running low on money. the truth is that i'm so busy doing things outside of the job hunt (like volunteering, my unpaid internship, hanging out and enjoying the summer, and so on) even though i try to spend a few hours a day sending out resumes to these potential jobs.

the interview i had on thursday with the marketing firm went much better than i expected. i was so discouraged from wednesday's ridiculous interview that i forgot what it was like to talk to a real human being (and a recent graduate like myself) about getting a job and experience working. the lady interviewing me was so incredibly personable. she reminded me of what i try to be most days. we talked for a good half hour and the firm does a bunch of neat sustainability things. i'm hoping i can land this one because i feel as though i can be a definite asset to their small team. it seems like a good fit for me. fingers crossed.

in the meantime, i've been pretty busy working on internship projects that are taking up some of my time. i've been completing research on the benefits of longboarding: specifically, carbon offsetting, time/distance saved, and exercise. what started out as something i thought i could enjoy quickly spun into something i realized wasn't the best idea. there were so many different sections to observe and information to discover and transfer knowledge. it was some difficult research. but once it was over, i moved onto the calculation end of things.

just the word 'calculations' and i immediately fell into the fetal position. you mean to tell me i'm going to have to use math? oh, fuck.

this is where i spent a couple of days just staring at what i had to do on google docs and screaming 'fuck' at the top of my lungs. i was so lost. okay, so maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. but still. i didn't know what i was supposed to do. none of the things we had discussed previous to when i tried to do the calculations was making any sense and i had forgot a bunch of the things i was supposed to remember, ha.

with the help of a few friends, eventually i found my direction and kept on with it. surely, this was the most half-assed project i had completed to date. or so i thought. upon the deadline and meeting, i was praised for my continuous efforts and perfection. apparently it was exactly what he wanted and needed for the infographic. SUCCESS! mama's still got it.

since i didn't want to look at calculations or the benefits of longboarding anymore for at least awhile (and the lack of graphic design interns to work with me on creating and designing the infographic) i moved onto the newest project of the week: blogging! finally, something i know i can do well and not get bored halfway through. i sent off a list of topics i'm considering writing about with any and all the freedoms i want (including the freedom to hipsterize and swear as much as i see fit, depending on what i'm talking about).

knowing that i have a keen sense for writing and keeping the attention of the internet, and that once upon a time i was actually PAID to blog as part of a job (i know, i had a job once, can you believe that?) i figure this will be a great week.

hopefully i'll hear from the marketing firm too and i'll be paid to do other things soon again too.

time's a wastin'

i figured the job hunt is getting to a serious desperation point as i applied to several jobs yesterday and received two requests for interviews. one for an administrative position at a daycare and one for a research internship for a marketing firm.

okay, yes... i would prefer the research one. but i'm almost willing to do anything if it pays (so, start looking for my drag king debut sooner rather than later).

i'm basically up in arms about the interview i had this morning. i travelled over half an hour in rush hour commute times to the daycare. i was just under ten minutes early. i walked in and was greeted by a lady to pointed me in the direction of the lady interviewing me. we walked to an office while we attempted small talk. she was sort of difficult to understand and talked pretty fast.

at the office, i had a seat and she asked if i had any experience working with kids. yep, i sure did. then, she asked if i had office experience. yep, i kinda did. working in a library is kinda like an office. there were officey-type things to do and whatnot, so i described to her what i did. she followed up by asking me why she should hire me over others. i threw out some things about how i'm awesome. she didn't seem too impressed with me. she told me that if and when she calls for a second interview is when she would talk about the position, the wage, and answer any questions i had about the position.

i stared at her in disbelief. you mean to tell me i travelled over half an hour to meet with you for exactly five minutes? i asked her if they were looking for somebody full-time, permanent and she shook her head yes. she got up to shake my hand and wished me farewell. she didn't even walk me out. when i had checked the time upon me leaving the daycare, it was 9:30am -- the time my interview was supposed to start.

what the fuck just happened?

the fuck?

not only was this a waste of my time (to barely sleep the night before because of interview nerves, to get up and get ready, to travel across the city and meet her) but also a waste of her own time to meet with me. we both know that's five minutes of our lives we will never get back. so why even bother interviewing if you already seem to know that you don't like me or that i don't fit your qualifications/standards for the position?

ugh. feeling totally down and ridiculous, i walked past a loblaws on the way back to the subway. i dropped off a resume just to try and increase chances of a potential job. maybe something will happen. maybe not. at least my chances are better in dropping that resume off than the interview i just had.

here's hoping that tomorrow's interview on bay street goes a little better.

42 degrees and an interview or two

i've been job hunting for six months now and i just had my 7th interview.

i got a rejection email from the environmental centre on friday afternoon. i sort of expected it and didn't care too much. i know i could do it well, but it just wasn't all that workable for me, seeing as how it was a permanent position in the middle of no where.

today, i had an interview to work with a non-profit organization and on beaches/in the office all summer. this seemed like a swell role for me. i get to educate people and gain experience doing things, and manage a team of volunteers. this is an ideal position. and it was paid! i really hope i get this one.

our apartment was "randomly selected" this week to participate in the labour force unemployment survey. this basically means that i'm now a statistic in the job hunt and for the next 6 months, they'll be following up monthly to see whether or not i've found work. so next month when the unemployment rate comes out on stats canada, i'll be a part of that percentage. ugh. as if the job hunt wasn't bad enough already!

it took about until the end of june last summer to find 2 jobs and work interchangeably. and then about 3 weeks into it, i left one to gain more hours at the other and that that one let me go because there was no tourism/business/they overhired. maybe it's best for me not to try to jump into things so quickly to ensure i can have a steady job for the summer, even if it's only part-time. but i've stopped applying to shitty summer jobs only because i still wasn't getting any interviews for them. and i need experience in my field, really.

i won't lie though, last week wouldn't have been so amazing if i actually had a job. i enjoy being able to do whatever i want and am definitely keeping busy. but i'm hoping that will come to an end and i can spend my weekends on the beach all summer.

also, it's supposed to be 42 degrees today and it's only june. fuck that shit.

financial troubles

you might ask how i'm surviving in toronto without a paying job.

the short answer is that it's not going well.

the long answer is basically as follows:

1. OSAP & financial aid
i still have a little bit of money leftover from OSAP of 2011-2012. they gave me enough to cover tuition and most of my rent/food which has helped significantly over the year and the past couple of months not in school. my rent is not cheap. food is not cheap. my social life also doesn't come cheap (unless, of course, dudes buy me beers all the time... and i've been flirting my way nonstop for this just because i'm so broke at the moment. it's working; don't judge me. i won't do it as often once i've found a paying job).

my estimate for september is about the same which is quite nice. i'll be able to splurge a bit because  my tuition doesn't cost nearly as much as last year. in fact, it's about $2,000 less than last year. that's so amazing. i'm still scratching my head as to where the $6,000 i spent on tuition last year went and what i've truly gained from the program. i don't remember applying for any tuition assistance/grants/bursaries last year but somehow managed to be the recipient of a bursary that was enough to cover a month's worth of rent and groceries. so when i applied for those money saving things this year, the seneca website came back to me saying that my financial need was too great and they couldn't do anything to help me. really? because back when i was dependent on my parents and/or living at home, my parents made too much money for me to qualify for anything; or my summer working paid for most of my tuition and expenses; or OSAP covered a little bit of tuition yet was never enough. but when i'm an independent struggling to find a paying job, going back to school, living on my own, and have little to no savings because of rent/food/tuition/etc, i can't qualify for any assistance? geez. who does that money end up going to then?

2. attempts at savings 
i never followed a budget while living in toronto but i probably should have. on rent and transportation, i'm looking at $777 + $104 a month = $881. plus the cost of food/beer. and i'd say i was spending $1,000 or more each month just to cover my survival. i had a lot of money saved up to move. it was enough to pay my full amount of first semester tuition $3,000+ before my OSAP came into my hands in september when i moved to toronto.

and even with that tuition, i still had lots of money left over from living at home for almost 2 years, working part-time during the school year and summers, not having any bills to pay or transportation costs (except my cell phone... and even then, my parents sometimes paid for that), not spending any money on food/groceries, and not going out nearly as much or spending too much when i did go out for beers. so yes, i had the ability to save and budget when i wanted to and when i had a steady source of income with no bills to pay. but since i made something like $2,000 over the course of last summer and the last time i worked a paying job was august 2011, it's no wonder that i don't have a lot of cash right now.

3. social life on hold 
i've really cut back on going out lately. or if i do go out, i won't spend that much. i used to go out for meals a few times a week or order in, but i've stopped that too (and maybe i'll go out once a week.) i went home a few times in the past couple of months to save money on meals or i had certain things to do. my parents have been up visiting and have taken me out or fed me every time they come up. i just spent about a week at home to save money and was able to get them to pay for my toiletries for the next couple of months (and, every time i go home, gramma gives me moneys for coming home.. so that's pretty nice). sometimes, my mom will cook me food and i'll bring it back with me. there's a sheppard's pie and pasta sauce in my freezer that's been in there for about a month now. i should probably eat it soon. i'll go to friend's places and we'll have potlucks or barbecues and that's quite helpful in feeding me. i'm a hungry girl, okay, if you haven't noticed already!

4. interviews?
i finally had an interview at the environmental centre i've applied to like 40 times in the past 6 months. they emailed me saying that the full-time position i applied for was filled but they've opened up a part-time position and to re-submit my resume. i did and had the interview on tuesday. it's a part-time, permanent position, three days a week at about 20 hours a week. it extends past the summer but i never told them i was going back to school in september. also, it's in the middle of no where and sort of difficult to get to; i take a bus to a park, walk through the park to a trail, and hike about 2km to the centre. sure.. that's a nice walk in the summer during the daytime. but in the evning/at night/when it's raining/snowing/other inclement weather/etc it won't be very nice. and the cab ride is about $15 with a tip. so yeah, that doesn't come cheap either. i'm supposed to hear back "by the end of the week" but i may be turning it down if i do get it because of all of the things i mentioned above. we'll see.

i'm applying to lots of jobs constantly and not getting anywhere. my unpaid internship is going well. the second part of my research into the longboarding benefits calculations are going smoothly (now.. after some technical/"i can't brain today, i've got the dumb" issues) and it's helping me keep busy on these long, hot days when instead of spending money and drinking beer on a patio, i'm hanging out in my living room with the air conditioning on full blast figuring out the benefits of longboarding.

hey... job... are you out there? it's me... amber.

the unpaid internship

i've been seeing them around a lot lately in my job postings: the dreaded unpaid internship.

last year and practically every year before, i was so against them. yes, i needed experience doing things and yes, internships were a good place to start. but... money. money was always the issue. i needed money to live and survive. why should i bother putting in 20-40 hours a week for no payment? it's a catch 22. i need experience which i don't have and i need money, also which i don't have.

but, i had to throw away that mindset this summer and applied to several. some unpaid, some paid, and some which didn't specify (and i'm assuming that they will be unpaid). and then i had a thought: would it be at all possible to be rejected from an unpaid internship? i mean, it's not as if i'm applying for a computer programming intern or a communications intern or an open heart surgery intern. i'm applying for unpaid positions in not-for-profits or companies for project coordinators, environmental things, and marketing. things that i can believe i'm qualified for.

but i'm still not hearing from any of them!

are other recent graduates applying for these internships too and they are more qualified to do the job at hand? more qualified? better suited? their resume/cover letter sounds better? i don't even know how to understand this concept.

i've removed my "unpaid internships are not for me" mind frame and am feeling the stench of desperation like no other. i'm restless. i'm bored. i'm running out of money. it's too hot in my apartment. i'm still drinking rather than cutting down like i intended to do. i'm lazy. i'm unmotivated. i spend hours a day applying to jobs i know i can get and never hear from anyone!

that was until today. i came across this article in the toronto star that sort of made me feel a little better about how things are going. it basically says that half a million young people are unemployed and not entirely looking for work. it also says that those actually looking (2 in 10) were discouraged at the job market. discouraged is an understatement, i think. i applied to several jobs and internships (both paid and unpaid) today and finally received a chance for an interview. finally. my last interview was weeks ago. i was beginning to think there was nothing left in the job market for me at all.

but oh yes... that apparent job i've had since april and haven't started yet. there's still no word on that. june, they said. as far as i know, june is around the corner soon.

i mean, not that i have any idea what day it actually is or anything.

the lights are out

i like to think i don't get scared easily.

okay, that's probably the first lie i've told in a very long time. i'll be the first to admit that i'm afraid of everything. spiders, bugs, commitment, the gathering darkness...

also a lie. except for maybe spiders and commitment.

what i'm scared of currently is the fact that outside of my door, all the lights are out. and fuck, it's scary. it's pitch black. i can't see anything. i don't want to leave my place in fear of what could happen in the five second walk down the hall to the stairs. or what would be even worse is if the stairs also had no lights on, and then i would be royally fucked. i barely want to climb those stairs with the lights on, nonetheless off (see: brother slipping and ending up with a bleeding finger).

but still. it's quite strange. and creepy. and scary. so i'm just going to hang out here for awhile until they maybe turn the lights back on.

what's new on the job hunt, you ask?

well, i had an interview last week for a place that sells school uniforms. she seemed to really like me and felt that i would fit in well with the store. the interview lasted quite some time. she even commented on my outfit (new interview clothes for the win!). she told me that she would make a decision on friday but i never heard from her. i suppose it's for good measure. she said that it would be extremely part-time hours for may, june, and july. maybe one or two days a week. and then august would be full time, all the time, as much as i wanted to work. i figured it would sort of be like that; nobody wants to buy school uniforms in may and everybody leaves things till the last minute in august and september. 

but i never heard from her.

i thought i had nailed it. i expected her to call because she was so impressed with me. i felt pretty good walking out of that interview. but nope, nothing. and i didn't want the job badly enough to call her. but i mean, she DID say she was going to call ME. and i suppose that counts for something.

one of the best things about being unemployed (or rather, employed but have yet to start? apparently i'm supposed to start the event place in june... we'll see about that) is all the time you get to yourself to do the things you want to do. like, for instance, i'm pretty aware that winter hibernation (and my roommate's mac and cheese) made me gain some weight. nothing too significant (friends are saying i look better) but i'm starting to notice and that bothers me. hey, don't get me wrong. i love myself and my body. i just always have the determination to make it how i want it to be.

i started a workout regime this week as for the last few months, i've been extremely lazy. it just involves going for long walks of 40+ minutes 3-4 times a week and a series of at-home exercises including push ups, stretches, sit ups, other ab workouts, yoga and tai chi poses, and a bunch of other things i can do around the apartment, like invisible chair competitions with myself (and charles the mouse when he comes out to play). i've also been doing a lot of in-my-room dancing routines i've taught myself off youtube to get ready for pride in june. i did this and this back in my undergrad for rez events and they were so much fun. i can't wait to get back up on stage again.

i've also started to do the other healthy things i never had much time for or was too lazy to do like floss (the dentist is coming up soon), buy/cook some healthy meals, try to cut back on my drinking (both for my body and for my wallet right now) and sit outside in the sun to get a tan. i've been reading the ground truth because all that 9/11 stuff interests me greatly. next up will be climate wars, a book i've always wanted to read since my undergrad, and that should be by next week or so.

and y'know, the usual of hanging out with friends, playing video games (i'm working through ocarina of time.. god damn water temple), and watching countless hours of tv and movies when i'm that bored.

ganon is so scary.

i guess the unemployed life is not so bad. if only making money wasn't a major issue.

overqualified

i had an interview with mama earth organics on thursday afternoon.

yeah, i pretty much felt like this.

it was a standard one-on-one interview. he looked over my resume and asked me some questions about it. we talked about my education and previous work experience. but, he questioned whether the job was the right fit for me. as in, my postgrad in project management meant my goals and aspirations to eventually become a project manager were set too high and not applicable to the company.

he basically told me i was overqualified for the position, and also said that they don't want to hire students directly out of school. well, shit. so what employers do hire students from school? he said he would call on friday if he had other questions and to make a decision. there was no call, so i can assume i didn't get it. but my odds are getting better perhaps -- there were 40 applications, narrowed down to 5 people interviewed.

in the meantime, i apply to at least one new job every day. and in the last week, i've received plenty of rejection emails. so, y'know, things are swell on the job search like they always are for me and countless others!

in 11 days, i'll be finished my postgrad and i'll be one happy girl. my program is a complete joke and waste of time. the "internship" (a word i'm going to use extremely loosely here since it's not actually an internship) is not giving me any real world experience. yes, i can create a project based on sponsor requirements, but it doesn't officially help me get anywhere in work experience -- especially when ISO 14001 standards are pretty much obsolete. plus, being in a group with a dude who doesn't do anything isn't helpful either.

the main hope from completing this internship in the beginning was:
a) the possibility of getting a job with the company after completion and
b) using my sponsor as a reference
i definitely won't be doing either of those things. but i'll do a bigger review of the whole program once i'm finished.

look, i've been practicing. i made a pigeon-rat.

also, i'm pretty certain there are pigeons nesting on my balcony. they have woken me up with their noise on several occasions now and i try to scare them away by banging on the window. there's a bunch of leftover garbage from previous tenants on the balcony adjacent from my room that i never cleaned up. and the pigeons have nested on a pile of it. i can't get my door open now because  my parents sealed it shut for me in the winter. the cold draft and the wind blowing open the door sometimes were too much. i need somebody to help me open the door and destroy the pigeon habitat (in a nice, animal rights sort of way).

it's been a couple of weeks since i've seen charles the mouse hanging out in our apartment. i may have accidentally thrown him down the garbage chute one afternoon. i went to empty the garbage and felt something move. early in march, i saw a mouse running around in the laundry room. it seems the whole building must be infested. i hope they stay away with the warm weather now.

risk group project due tomorrow. internship report and presentation wednesday. GIS report wednesday. exams start the next week. risk and business exams on the monday, and civil infrastructure on wednesday, followed by my final GIS presentation and report on the thursday.

11 more days. that's all i need.

they shoot unemployed people, don't they?

i had my interview with steamwhistle on monday for retail and event staff.

there were about 50 people, more or less, in the group interview. i was terrified on the inside but not so much on the outside. when everyone introduced themselves, i felt extremely discouraged. so many of these people were definitely more experienced in life, work, school, travel, whatever, than me. there were a few others that i knew i was better than them. but i still didn't feel as though i had much of a chance.

it started off with introductions; went onto a game of improv/charades (of which i didn't get a time to participate.. grr); then a brewery tour (with a beer in hand, of course); followed by breaking off into groups to create a steamwhistle commercial (something i've definitely done before); and ended with a brief Q&A. it was at the end of it all when they said that they were hiring for at most 12 positions, and there was a second group interview happening right after mine was finished. son of a bitch.

pretty much knowing i didn't have a chance, i had another 2 beers during the rest of the interview. i didn't care at this point. i didn't have any hopes -- and i was totally okay with that. it's not exactly what i'm looking for, even for a shitty summer job. and to no avail, i received the rejection email early this afternoon. sometimes, like a really fucking horrible first date, you just know things aren't going to work out in your favour. so fuck it all, i'm just gonna drink some beer. i'm sort of glad i found out today and not like, the end of the week, or never -- like the majority of niagara employers.

the better news was that i got an email/callback from mama earth organics to set up an interview. so i hope that goes over smoothly. this place is definitely more my style of things. it would be swell if i could find something soon-ish. my bank account moneys are gettin' pretty low.

the job hunt continues.

more interviews

this week i had 3 interviews.

java joes called wednesday night to schedule a thursday afternoon interview. i thought things went well as we really only talked about my brother for the most part. i hoped that i would get lucky and land the job at least for the summer. she said that she would call back after 7pm thursday night. i did not get a call. and then i was bummed out.

i set up an interview with sport check for friday afternoon. the interview was supposed to take an hour. i got there early and the manager said to come back in 15 minutes. so i looked around for a bit and went back. i filled in an online questionnaire similar to those you get at future shop/starbucks/the source/petsmart/etc and then had the actual interview which ended after 5 minutes once they found out i was returning to school in september. apparently, this position was for a full-time permanent merchandiser.. as in, to start a career from. but they didn't read the first line of my resume that says i'm going back to school in september. wouldn't that be the first thing you look at in order to make a decision on calling to interview someone?

so, i asked them if they could at least interview me for a sales associate position. they decided to do that and asked 4-5 scenario questions. i thought i answered them pretty well. it felt more like a conversation than an interview. i was told that i would hear from them by june 30th if they make a decision.

the last interview i had this week so far was for jimmy buffett's margaritaville. they had called me a few times this week and i never responded until today. i set up an interview for 5pm which required 3 references that i really don't have. i met with the lady and answered all of her questions and seemingly passed the 'first round' of interviews, according to her. she said that she would pass me onto some other manager type for a second interview who makes the final decision on hiring. she called back just now when i got home to set up the second interview tomorrow night with the other dude.

i don't understand the process of second and third round interviews. it annoys the interviewee and i bet it is annoying and costly to the company running them. interviews are pretty hit and miss; you nail it and they like you or you blow it and they don't like you. it's what i've witnessed from not only this summer of my job hunt but every summer of my job hunt and every interview i've ever attended.

i am really tired of the job hunt. i'm frustrated and fed up. margaritaville was interview #12 of the summer.

the booty call rejection

i feel like i just got a booty call rejection.

i went to my imax interview yesterday and i wasn't sure how it went. there were lots of questions regarding teamwork, fast-paced environments, success, and motivations. i answered them all like i normally would yet i can't seem to point out or gain any feedback as to where i'm going wrong. i left the interview with high hopes. i wanted this job so that i won't have to work until 2am at dave and buster's. it just had better hours and maybe a better environment for me.

he said he would call today in order to do his hiring, so i called him instead. i actually talked to him around noon and asked if he had made a decision on hiring and he told me he had not got around to it yet. i don't normally do follow up calls/emails but i do when it's something i really want. and the majority of these follow up calls/emails are met with rejection through words or silence (usually, in most cases, no response).  i felt like i was being crazy annoying and i hated myself for following up so quickly. it was similar to the first date rule.. wait three days? wait a day? or better yet, a booty call rejection; i wanted it and he didn't. if i don't get the call sometime today, i suppose i'll have to be even more annoying and call again tomorrow.

ardene called me last night for an interview and i scheduled one for this afternoon. she asked very few questions about my likes and dislikes about former jobs and the retail industry; where i see myself in 5 years, and my strengths and weaknesses. of all the retail interviews i have ever had, this one felt like i was finally in. perhaps she was just being nice, but i suppose i'll find out. i'll hear back next week if i get it. it'll only be part-time, 6-20 hours depending on the week, but it's mad close to my house and maybe i can work at 2 places? here's seriously hoping.

if i don't hear from imax today, i'll have to surrender and go sign up on payroll with dave and buster's at least for a little while. but i won't be happy with that decision.

hired

i received a call from dave and buster's this afternoon and arranged for an interview.

they offered me the position on the spot of "mascot" where i get to run around in a root suit wearing laser tag equipment and be an asshole to tourists/take pictures with them to get them into dave and buster's. not sure what a root suit is? it looks like this: 

i don't know what colour the suit will be, but i'm sort of stoked. whenever i was the mascot last summer, i had so much fun being the centre of attention in the pink panther costume. granted that this suit will probably not smell as much or be as hot, but still. they said that they would train me on practically everything that there is to do at dave and buster's as well, but i'll primarily be mascot/laser tag/something else but i forget.  

the only thing i hate about it is that i'll have to work till 2am some nights. i have refused to work until 2am before but with the way the job market is to me this summer, i decided that it wouldn't be a problem... even though i know after awhile it will be. i don't enjoy that i'll have to get my parents out of bed for a ride home at 2am or cab/hitch hike/bike/friend/co-worker home but if it's only once or twice a week i might be able to handle it. i might not be awake for it but we'll see how it plays out.  

on saturday night, i received a call from imax theatre asking for an interview for wednesday. i haven't gone to payroll and signed up for dave and buster's yet and i don't plan to do that until i see what's up with the imax interview. i had an interview with this place, probably for an usher position (what i applied for this time around) twice and didn't land the job. both were during a summer and both were with different people hiring. this will be the third summer, third  position, and third person who will interview me. i don't know if this time around will be any different. i will see what the hours of operation are like and if i can get 40 hours or so; otherwise i'll be a slave to dave and buster's for the summer.  

since january, i must have sent out about 100+ resumes looking for summer or full-time jobs, depending on when i applied for the job. i tried to apply to as many as possible that had something to do with my field of study. eventually, i stopped applying to jobs in my field and tried for just a summer job that will give me money, and even that took two months.  

seven interviews over five weeks and i was finally hired somewhere with an eighth interview later in the week. although i am now officially offered a position at dave and buster's and have an interview with imax remaining, my job hunt will continue in order to see if there is anything better out there for me for this summer. although with the rate that things went over the last two months, i don't really see that happening.

interview update

i'm beginning to hate group interviews.

two of the six interviews i had in the past four weeks have been group interview style. you're essentially asked 2-3 impersonal questions that aren't very relevant to the position and you have to make an attempt to answer them in a way that they see fit. it doesn't seem to matter how much i tell them that i live within a reasonable distance or that i have an excellent attendance track record at every job i've ever had.

group interviews are a waste of time for people like me. at reitmans this morning, there were 4 of us; a girl kind of my age and two older, bigger ladies with 30 years of retail experience a piece. how can i even compete with that? my 2 months of retail means nothing compared to years of experience. there was a question about positive work environments, one about meeting people, and one dealing with communication.. or something. all 3 of which i remember nothing about how or what i answered with. i never answered first in any of the questions either and the one lady sitting next to me interrupted me once that i really didn't appreciate.

the "fun" part of the interview was choosing an outfit for the people interviewing me. both of them were bigger, fashionable ladies and i was intimidated. so i went with a classic, simple look  (of what i could find in 5 minutes in the store) for the scenario of one of them going to an interview and then going to lunch afterwards: black dress pants, a flowery, colourful top, a black cardigan, flowery white sandals and sparkly bracelets. this was okay in my head. it's what i would probably wear in that situation. but neither of the managers gave any feedback to say if my outfit was a good choice. it was also during this part of the interview that i overheard the managers commenting and judging me and the other younger girl because we were "tiny". as in, we wouldn't fit the clothes? we wouldn't fit in with the team of several older, bigger ladies? i don't know, but i think that's pretty uncalled for. it's not my fault that i'm skinny and you're not; that doesn't give you the right to potentially not offer me a job.

seriously, i hate group interviews. one-on-one interviews are the only ones i can seem to handle right now and at least they can get a pretty clear picture of who i am and what i'm like. reitmans, similar to build a bear workshop, does first round group interviews and then second round one-on-one interviews. if i qualify for a second interview, i'll know by friday of next week. but i highly doubt i'll get it.

but in exciting news, i'm now officially a graduate as of yesterday with a bachelor of arts in tourism and environment! but apparently, being a graduate doesn't make finding a summer job any easier.

this week in the job hunt

on monday, i handed out 20 hard copy resumes that made me feel wickedly unsustainable. about half of the places i applied to "weren't hiring but it didn't hurt to leave a resume." i finished off with 5 emails with a nice cover letter and resume attachment. i applied for a few dishwashing, retail/sales associate, spa receptionist, serving, hostess, and the like. i refuse to apply for housekeeping or front desk, the two most seemingly popular job postings that are always available.

i went to build a bear and asked one of the ladies who interviewed me if they had made a decision on hiring. she said she wasn't the one who did the hiring but the lady who does was coming in for the afternoon shift. she wrote down my name and number and said the lady would call me back that afternoon. she didn't.

i also tried to get the job i had last summer back. i've emailed the company a bunch of times with no responses and getting my friends who already work there to try to get me back.  the supervisors/managers kept saying they were doing something in order for me to come back. so i went in to see them after one of their employees quit; obviously there was now an opening for a replacement. i asked and i was told that they had  "over hired" and nobody was getting hours. well, shit, i know that already. it's just like last season: we only got hours on the weekends if that (normally when it was slow, we were sent home) until it started to get busy around the middle of june which started full time hours. i was told the "next time they were hiring" would be july 1st. i really hope i will have found a job by that date.

i sent out 5 more cover letters/resumes yesterday and 5 more today. 2 of those 5 from today were the coveted howard johnson/embassy suites tourist information clerk positions, the ones i apply to every year. the howard johnson one i have applied to twice already earlier in my search; the embassy suites i applied to once earlier in my search. both of these places now have my resume once again. either they hate it or they never get around to seeing it.

today, i received a call from the marriott offering me an interview for a front desk position, even though i never applied for it. i did apply for a hotel information clerk with them which didn't say in the description of the job posting that you were doing any of the front desk duties and you were also helping to set up rooms for conferences/banquets. why they decided to interview me for something completely different is strange, but at least it's a phone call i suppose. i declined for the interview. front desk is not me.

the job search continues for another day.

the analogy

inspired by the terrible movie he's just not that into you, (because unemployment makes you watch a ton of terrible movies) i thought about how the job search is similar to the dating search.

in the beginning, you put yourself out there. you talk about your accomplishments and give the best version of yourself through cover letters and resumes by the hundreds through email, faxes, and walk-ins. every cover letter and resume is tailored to the specific job position and company. it's the courting process. you see something you like and you hope that it will eventually like you back.. and hopefully soon.

okay, so you've put yourself out there. every company has your cover letter and resume. and you wait. and you wait. and you wait. you wait for that phone call. the one that says you have a date. the interview. you sit by the phone day and night. it rings. it's your mom. it rings again. it's a telemarketer. you're constantly waiting for someone to get in touch.

finally, you get a call. the date is set for an interview. you get nervous, just a little bit. you think about all the great things you can say about yourself. you think of questions to ask. you try to think of all the questions they will ask you, but there's always that one that gets you -- it usually makes or breaks you. you wonder what to wear, how much makeup is too much, what shoes go with what outfit. frustrated with your closet, you go buy new clothes just for the interview hoping you'll finally land a job so you can afford the new clothes you bought.

the interview quickly approaches. you're nervous. you get there early not knowing what to expect. you've never met these people before. it's a blind date. you see several attractive people working and that almost makes you more nervous. finally, you meet the person who will be be doing the interviewing. he's not all that good looking. you're still nervous. you talk yourself up. you think that things are going smoothly. you ask the dreaded "so when will i hear from you?" question and they give you a time frame. you leave with a firm handshake, pleasantries, and if you're lucky, perhaps a number to call. on your way home, you replay every detail of the date. did you smile enough? did you answer their questions correctly? did you have something lodged in your teeth? could they sense how nervous you were? your mind runs wild and yet there is nothing you can do about what took place in the interview. it's over.

the next day, you repeat the beginning stages of the process. you hand out resumes for possible jobs and hope that the company you had an interview with will give you a call. you sit by the phone and wait. and wait. you're always waiting. it rings. it's a wrong number. it rings again. this time, to set up an interview with a different company. since you are still jobless, you take up the offer. what's the harm?

days and weeks go by without any follow up phone calls. they never called, just like all those other blind dates you went on before. they told you that they would call. they didn't. you call them only to leave a message. they still never return your call. you're unemployed and lonely. you've read every book you own and are quickly running out of money.

you're constantly waiting for that phone call only to check your email and find a rejection email. your spirit is broken. yet tomorrow, you'll put yourself out there again only to spend your days waiting for the one who will hire you.

first post.

i finished my bachelor of arts degree in tourism and environment and now i'm off to bigger and better things. for the next three months, this will blog will be mostly dedicated to my post-graduation job search of which i have yet to land a job. in late august/early september, i'll be moving to the big city, toronto, where i'll be starting an 8 month post-graduate opportunity in environmental project management. what is that going to get me? i have no idea yet. hopefully something good.

this is my fifth summer living in niagara falls. i hate it here. there is nothing to do. and when i'm unemployed, there is even less to do. for the month of may, i sent out somewhere between 30 and 40 resumes in jobs in the niagara region and toronto. some of which pertain to the field of my degree. when you lack any and all housekeeping/serving/hostessing/restaurant/grocery/retail experience, the variety of jobs available in the niagara region are extremely minimal.

from those 30 or 40 resumes out there, i received 5 phone calls for interviews. the first was at a camp which i turned down. i have 'camp' experience. this job didn't start until july and also started at 6:30am. a legitimate reason for turning it down.  the second interview was for the adidas outlet store. this was part-time/full-time/whatever and he said he was going to take up to 2 weeks to get back to me. i had the interview last week.

the third interview was from plenty canada. a place that has something to do with my degree except that it's in the middle of no where. it's in lanark, the maple syrup capital of ontario. don't know where lanark is? good. neither do i. this job would have been perfect, as he said i was more than qualified for the position. except that it's in the middle of no where and you need to be able to drive and have a car. and unfortunately, i can't drive nor have a car. he's still supposed to get back to me sometime this week, but i'll more than likely have to turn the job down as there are no places to rent/sublet either in this glorious town.

the fourth interview was build a bear workshop. it was a group interview with 2 other girls and we were only asked 2 questions each. this was their first round of interviews and they will call back next week for a second interview if they think you're qualified.

the fifth interview is scheduled for friday in the big city with greenpeace, again, it actually has something to do with my degree. i'm pretty excited for this and i hope it goes over well so i can move to toronto sooner rather than later.

with one day left in the month of may, how many more interviews will it take for me to land a job for the summer?