the one question i'm tired of hearing

here's a meme that's been going around for awhile

i first saw it sometime last year and it's been something i refer to ever since when someone asks me how my job hunt it going.

yes, i'm tired of hearing any variation of "how is your job search going?" because lately, it seems to be the only thing people are concerned about in my life.

half the time, i'm not even sure how to answer the question. what, you want me to tell you about the 15 jobs i applied to today? you want me to tell you about the two interviews i have lined up this week? you want me to say that i lied to a guy so i could get an interview (and ended up getting that interview? - so now i'm fucked).

sorry - when did my life only get interesting in my pursuit of a job? it's like an interview question. why is this the only thing people tend to ask my anymore? yes, i've taken school-mode amber and transformed her into job-searching amber, but that doesn't make me any different from what i used to be.

let's put it this way: if i want to talk to you about my job search, i will. i'll tell you every juicy detail about it, whether you're actually interested in hearing or not. but until that day comes, you're going to get a shitty response from me. especially as i approach my 31st interview this week and you can probably smell my desperation for a job two towns over.

i consider my job search to be just like what my school coursework was like. i'd give you a brief synopsis of what i'm working on -- "oh, it's a paper on (this) and it has to be (this many words)." so when you ask me and i say "i have an interview for (this place) doing (these things) and it's (related to my field/not related to my field)" -- that's all you're really going to get from now on. and if i don't have any interviews coming up, i'll tell you that. and i don't want to hear any words of optimism or any advice on how to do things, unless you're someone who's in my field and has been in the field for 5+ years.

it's simple: my job search is my own personal business.

besides, my love life is much more interesting to hear about.

just remember what's right for me, might be not right for you

ten days ago was the last time i applied to a job.

eight days ago was the last time i had an interview.

things could be better.

it's not that i've given up hope in my job search, it's just been ridiculously time consuming and draining on my enthusiasm for things that matter. in just over a year, from april 2012 to june 2013, i've had thirty different interviews. do you know how difficult it is to go in each time and pretty much say very similar answers to the same questions every employer asks?

the absolute worst is having interviews for shitty, minimum wage jobs that i know i'm capable of doing but technically now, i shouldn't even be getting interviews for them as i'm overqualified. beyond the absolute worst, is seeing masters/phd students in a similar field apply for the same jobs and beat me for them. i suppose they're "more qualified" than me, but sometimes, i'm not even so sure. my 3 degrees must mean something.

i've had 3 interviews related to my field so far.

1) water NGO 

i had an interview for the same position last year. i was stoked to get an interview again. it's a summer position, talking to people about water/lake issues on the toronto beaches and reporting on results. simple. something i'd be amazing doing because i enjoy talking to people, i'm great at managing a team to do stuff well, and i know my shit when i'm talking about something i'm interested and passionate about. she asked a lot of the same questions from last time. it was the same lady. she remembered me. it seemed to go well. she told me i was a strong candidate.

funny how "you're a strong candidate" turns into "let's re-post the job posting and not hire you." i don't think i'll apply again next year.

2) sustainable tourism 

here's a job i applied to through linkedin and actually heard a response. everything about this job was right up my alley. it integrated all 7 years of my education into one beautiful job. except for the fact that the interview was nearly an hour away and in the worst possible location ever. but the good news was that i'd only have to show up to that office once a week and the majority of the work would be done out of the downtown office, closer to me.

the interview itself lasted close to 2 hours. they had a lot of questions for me that showed them i knew what i was talking about. and i also had a fair amount of questions for them. before they even got to talking to me, the lady running the organization had offered to give me a ride home. of course, i took it. i was pretty stoked on that -- people aren't that nice and that's how i knew i was a strong candidate.

i followed up a few days later with the requested writing sample but didn't have the email address of the lady who gave me the ride home, so i sent it to the HR manager (the one who i had been in contact with and who was the second person interviewing me). i expected at least a "thanks" response but didn't get it. so, after a few more days, i sent another follow up email to the lady who gave me the ride home through the organization's general email and received a response the next day, thanking me for the sample and that they're still doing interviews.

they're hoping to make a decision "within the next two weeks" - so cross your fingers, because i am.

3) project coordinator 

this is the first time i had an interview for a project coordinator role. i refreshed my memory of a number of project management related tools and techniques so that i was well versed in the language, should they ask. and oh boy, did they ever. i was interviewed by 4 people at a small research firm. one older dude who reminded me of my terrible professor from last semester by being a dick. this guy was basically poking at me to see how opinionated i could get and what my reaction would be with him being an ignorant, aggressive prick.

the good thing was how i've never been one to "lash out" so to speak when someone talks shit about something i do or something i'm passionate about. i'll correct people when necessary. i'll give an opinion, when necessary. but these all have boundaries and limits. and i know how to stay within them -- even though they might not. i think i handled it pretty well.

they told me they had a shortlist of preferred, strong candidates they were interviewing - about 4 or 5. so i guess that's a plus. they were hoping to have a decision made sometime next week. it'd be nice to get this one, too.

my lack of motivation for applying to jobs is mostly caused by my anticipation to receive job offers from the sustainable tourism place or the research firm. and also that there hasn't been too much worth going after.

plus, i've got nxne to worry about this week. priorities.

time's a wastin'

i figured the job hunt is getting to a serious desperation point as i applied to several jobs yesterday and received two requests for interviews. one for an administrative position at a daycare and one for a research internship for a marketing firm.

okay, yes... i would prefer the research one. but i'm almost willing to do anything if it pays (so, start looking for my drag king debut sooner rather than later).

i'm basically up in arms about the interview i had this morning. i travelled over half an hour in rush hour commute times to the daycare. i was just under ten minutes early. i walked in and was greeted by a lady to pointed me in the direction of the lady interviewing me. we walked to an office while we attempted small talk. she was sort of difficult to understand and talked pretty fast.

at the office, i had a seat and she asked if i had any experience working with kids. yep, i sure did. then, she asked if i had office experience. yep, i kinda did. working in a library is kinda like an office. there were officey-type things to do and whatnot, so i described to her what i did. she followed up by asking me why she should hire me over others. i threw out some things about how i'm awesome. she didn't seem too impressed with me. she told me that if and when she calls for a second interview is when she would talk about the position, the wage, and answer any questions i had about the position.

i stared at her in disbelief. you mean to tell me i travelled over half an hour to meet with you for exactly five minutes? i asked her if they were looking for somebody full-time, permanent and she shook her head yes. she got up to shake my hand and wished me farewell. she didn't even walk me out. when i had checked the time upon me leaving the daycare, it was 9:30am -- the time my interview was supposed to start.

what the fuck just happened?

the fuck?

not only was this a waste of my time (to barely sleep the night before because of interview nerves, to get up and get ready, to travel across the city and meet her) but also a waste of her own time to meet with me. we both know that's five minutes of our lives we will never get back. so why even bother interviewing if you already seem to know that you don't like me or that i don't fit your qualifications/standards for the position?

ugh. feeling totally down and ridiculous, i walked past a loblaws on the way back to the subway. i dropped off a resume just to try and increase chances of a potential job. maybe something will happen. maybe not. at least my chances are better in dropping that resume off than the interview i just had.

here's hoping that tomorrow's interview on bay street goes a little better.

the analogy

inspired by the terrible movie he's just not that into you, (because unemployment makes you watch a ton of terrible movies) i thought about how the job search is similar to the dating search.

in the beginning, you put yourself out there. you talk about your accomplishments and give the best version of yourself through cover letters and resumes by the hundreds through email, faxes, and walk-ins. every cover letter and resume is tailored to the specific job position and company. it's the courting process. you see something you like and you hope that it will eventually like you back.. and hopefully soon.

okay, so you've put yourself out there. every company has your cover letter and resume. and you wait. and you wait. and you wait. you wait for that phone call. the one that says you have a date. the interview. you sit by the phone day and night. it rings. it's your mom. it rings again. it's a telemarketer. you're constantly waiting for someone to get in touch.

finally, you get a call. the date is set for an interview. you get nervous, just a little bit. you think about all the great things you can say about yourself. you think of questions to ask. you try to think of all the questions they will ask you, but there's always that one that gets you -- it usually makes or breaks you. you wonder what to wear, how much makeup is too much, what shoes go with what outfit. frustrated with your closet, you go buy new clothes just for the interview hoping you'll finally land a job so you can afford the new clothes you bought.

the interview quickly approaches. you're nervous. you get there early not knowing what to expect. you've never met these people before. it's a blind date. you see several attractive people working and that almost makes you more nervous. finally, you meet the person who will be be doing the interviewing. he's not all that good looking. you're still nervous. you talk yourself up. you think that things are going smoothly. you ask the dreaded "so when will i hear from you?" question and they give you a time frame. you leave with a firm handshake, pleasantries, and if you're lucky, perhaps a number to call. on your way home, you replay every detail of the date. did you smile enough? did you answer their questions correctly? did you have something lodged in your teeth? could they sense how nervous you were? your mind runs wild and yet there is nothing you can do about what took place in the interview. it's over.

the next day, you repeat the beginning stages of the process. you hand out resumes for possible jobs and hope that the company you had an interview with will give you a call. you sit by the phone and wait. and wait. you're always waiting. it rings. it's a wrong number. it rings again. this time, to set up an interview with a different company. since you are still jobless, you take up the offer. what's the harm?

days and weeks go by without any follow up phone calls. they never called, just like all those other blind dates you went on before. they told you that they would call. they didn't. you call them only to leave a message. they still never return your call. you're unemployed and lonely. you've read every book you own and are quickly running out of money.

you're constantly waiting for that phone call only to check your email and find a rejection email. your spirit is broken. yet tomorrow, you'll put yourself out there again only to spend your days waiting for the one who will hire you.