new beginnings

in early january, i applied to an administrative assistant job  posting i saw for a green energy firm. three weeks later, i was called in for an interview, and two days later, after completing an aptitude test, i was hired on.

the following week, i started job shadowing and training. there's a lot to know but i feel like i have an actual idea what i'm doing this time. i also don't believe that it will be as stressful as my last job, seeing as though it's only going to be part-time for the time being.

i've opted for a  part-time commitment because i'm just not sure if i can go back to full-time work. although i haven't had any real symptoms in nearly a month, my fear still stands. i don't want the same thing happening. i can't go back to hospitals and antibiotics. i can't go through what i did again. i'm not interested in almost dying again.

my director knows that i could eventually go full-time. so getting more hours than anticipated for some weeks if things don't get completed in their entirety is a good possibility. in the mean time, it's almost as though i'm a supervisor. i look after reps and keep tabs on their performance. i'm the punctuality police. i'm their performance tracker. i'm their payroll administrator. i'm the management operations specialist. i'm the customer relations expert. i'm the information request extraordinaire. i'm all of these titles and more for a pay that doesn't nearly seem like enough. and yet, i am enjoying it way more than being a gruntwork analyst at my previous job. 

unfortunately, this means i've also turned into old lady amber again. i'm exhausted by the time i get home and i don't want to do anything except play video games and go to bed. i can make attempts to maximize my weekend hours.. but it's never enough.

i was introduced to the 100 happy days challenge and have decided to take part. unfortunately, i picked the wrong day. i start tomorrow officially, but here's a sneak peak. i bought two very toronto-esque books today - robyn doolittle's crazy town (all about rob ford) & olivia chow's my journey. i don't feel i've spent nearly enough time reading lately, even with my unemployed free time. these will help me unwind after work days and i'm already hooked on crazy town. the rob ford saga is something that continues to baffle me, day after day. i'll post #100happydays across both my facebook and twitter platforms, as well as this blog if the happy is substantial or has a good story.

i'm usually a pretty happy, optimistic girl. i don't get overwhelmed by negative emotions and i think that is something which keeps me happy most days. even when life tries to get me down, it might for a little bit, but i know ways to make me happy. so why am i participating in the challenge?

i just want to be thankful for what i have. i want other people to see what i see, that i can find the happiness and positive every day. i want my friends who are struggling with mental/physical illnesses to maybe find some happiness in the happiness i bring to life. i want to keep my optimism up. i've never actually participated in any kind of online challenge before and this seemed like a good way to start, considering those facebook challenge things going around right now where people make videos in their undies out in the cold weather, chug a beer, and nominate three other people to do the same in 24 hours isn't something i'd ever participate in... but that's just my preference.

so what was my happy yesterday?

the german grapefruit wheat beer i had at house on parliament. deliciousness knows no bounds.

i'm ready!

positive

one of the main things i like best about meeting new people is to experience a different outlook on life, whether it's negative or positive.

i try to do my best in surrounding myself with positive people but that doesn't always happen or necessarily work out to my advantage. most people deal with shitty things in shitty ways and i can empathize with that.

it's a pretty rare occurrence for me to meet someone who's about equal to me in positivity and optimism even if sometimes that positivity is hidden under some pretty mean sarcastic comments. and yet, i've met a couple dudes that i can compare myself to. one of these dudes in particular, i'm absolutely positive (ha!) that i've never heard him say anything remotely negative... about any fucking subject. this sort of baffles me and intrigues me at the same time. because, in a way, i used to do the same. and i kind of still do, on occasion.

not only does this dude have this shining positive brilliance, but he makes me appreciate myself and the things i've done even more (although i'm not exactly sure if it's possible). because, hell, i've done some pretty amazing things and i can do some pretty amazing things. it's almost inspiring to be reminded how awesome you are with one simple positive comment that gets you thinking about your life experiences.

it's easy to rack up a number of negative reasons for a negative event/occurrence but the positive sides of things aren't normally a long list.

i think what people fail to realize is that a positive aura is fucking sexy as hell. especially to a girl like me.
there's definitely a fine line between "positive" (that's so fucking cool) and "neutral" (i don't really care) and i would gladly take the positive over anything in the world. and besides, you'll get a cooler story out of a negative event spun into a positive meaning, even if it makes everyone around you laugh at the story. the idea is to accept bad things when they happen and find something positive about them in order to move on from it. and most people, generally speaking, lack this ability.

but hey, if i can do it, and this dude can do it, i wholeheartedly believe that anyone can under the right circumstances.

happiness is not a fleeting concept.
it's right there, waiting for you.

"the call is from heroism... will you accept the charges?"