feedback

as a culminating paper for a class this semester, i had to write as many words as i wanted on the program, courses, and internship component.

and now, for your reading pleasure, i present to you:

a review of the last 8 months of my life just shy of 4,000 words.

note: names have been changed.

This feedback paper reviews each semester followed by comments on how the semester should have been structured from my perspective and where the program needs to improve. The internship placement is reviewed and how the course material can be applied to the internship and future endeavours in the sustainability industry. The paper concludes how the internship placement should be carried out next year to set the Green Business Management program apart from other environmental and sustainability post-graduate programs.

Semester One

In the first semester, the program requires students to take five courses: an introduction to sustainability, development theory, eco-productivity, corporate social responsibility, and green marketing. I began the program with optimism for interesting course material, great teaching styles, and a working internship placement.

GBM702: Sustainable Development: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

Dr. Naveed taught this course. The format of the course was no different than any other; two “debates”, a midterm, and a case study presentation. We had readings most weeks that rarely anyone completed – and we were honest about not reading them. I graduated with an Honours Bachelor of Arts degree in Tourism and Environment which focused on sustainability for four years and also graduated from a Graduate Certificate in Project Management – Environmental. I was well immersed in the sustainability concept but was still required to take the course.

I expected that admissions would accurately judge the backgrounds of the students entering into the program and place them into the courses which made sense, rather than placing those with an environmental education into an introductory course. I couldn’t understand the logic behind this, especially when the professor teaching openly admitted to not having much of a background in sustainability. However, it was too late into the semester when I was told that I likely could have been exempt from the course for “advanced standing.”

Many of us purchased two expensive textbooks for the course. One textbook was used for the assignments and the other textbook was used one time for a reading then tossed aside. Dr. Naveed was adamant that we would use the textbook again, but we never did. A positive to the course was a guest speaker from the Marketing department at Steam Whistle Brewing who explained the organization’s sustainability initiatives that help to reduce costs and waste. A skill I can take away from this course and apply to the internship at The Globe and Mail is public speaking through the debates and case study presentations.

GBM701: Development Theory and Sustainability Models

Jim ran this course exceptionally well. Although there was very little “teaching” involved, Jim offered a format for the course and feedback when needed. We had summaries of learning material due every week that allowed for reflection on a different level, from both what Jim had taught or through the guest speaker’s material. The majority of the course was structured through self-learning around broad topics that let the students decide the direction of the topic, whether in teams or individually.  The course was split into two sections – a group paper and presentation and an individual paper and presentation.

Jim’s vast network of industry leaders was helpful in the learning process and in the internship search for a few of us who were in need of a placement. We were able to see real people in the sustainability industry making change happen, as well as job positions and openings in these organizations. Although I am unsure if Jim taught other post-graduate classes previously, his initial 8,000 word individual paper as a final project for the course during exam week was not the best idea. Many of us struggled with the grading of the course, even when the paper was reduced to 5,000 words. Several classmates expressed that they had never written a paper of that length and with the amount of workload from the remaining courses during that time period, 5,000 words was a definite setback.

The addition of Bob Willard to guest lecture an entire class was a nice treat and I have been using his theories as the basis for many of my projects throughout the year, both in The New Sustainability Advantage and The Sustainability Champion’s Guidebook. Again, despite Jim’s best efforts, the take away from this course relevant to The Globe and Mail is enhancing public speaking skills and the ability to network with industry professionals. The research involved with the two papers is indirectly applicable to The Globe and Mail but could be utilized on the Green Team for research on waste and recycling initiatives. “Development Theories & Sustainability Models” is a course name that needs to be modified. Since the course was self-directed, Jim taught a very limited amount of theories and models – such as systems and structures governing – but made attempts to reiterate these concepts at every chance.

GBM701 Eco-productivity in the Workplace I

This was the pre-requisite of two courses taught by Brett, one in the first semester and one in the second semester. Brett discussed the concepts of the 7 green wastes and demonstrated how to give sustainability a monetary value in order to receive attention from organizations and CEOs. I found this course to be the most valuable to me, as previously I had never viewed sustainability theory in a business sense for reducing costs and maximizing profits. This course would have been more valuable if my internship components didn’t fall through and I was able to use information from the organizations for the assignments, rather than Brett’s assigned case studies.

Brett’s classes were an open dialogue of ideas and discussion. His assignments placed value on effectiveness in time management, reporting, researching, presentation skills, and PowerPoint presentations. The midterm and final assignments in the course could be directly applied to The Globe and Mail’s operations in their current state of green waste and the future state to demonstrate solutions of where the organization could reduce costs to increase profit using sustainability initiatives.

GBM704: Corporate Social Responsibility and Business Ethics

Bob's course on Corporate Social Responsibility was an interesting concept with the end goal of the course to complete a CSR report for your partner company. This would have been a great opportunity and project to undertake if each student in the program had a working internship by the time the final project was completed. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen and several students, including myself, were forced to complete a case study CSR report or team up with other students with their partner company. This course would have been more effective if there were deadlines for each section of the CSR report, rather than the finished report amounting to 80% of the final grade in the course.

Bob stated that there isn’t one company in the world that is ISO26000 compliant and that made me wonder why the course is being offered in the Green Business Management program if no organization is interested in using ISO26000 certified CSR reports. I’m sure that this course will be an addition to my resume – to say that I can complete an ISO26000 certified CSR report, if necessary. However, since I did not have my internship set up by the end of the course, I was unable to use data related to The Globe and Mail. The information in the CSR report is something The Globe and Mail could have used for their organization’s current state. We are also still waiting on the grades from this course to ensure we can graduate from the program. Spending an entire semester on a course where the final project is worth 80% of the grade and not knowing whether you have passed the course can lead to a few anxious students hoping to graduate in April 2013.

GBM802: Green Marketing and Consumerism

Margaret was the professor of this course. GBM802 had a good concept and a solid textbook which made up for lectures that were a bit vague at times. The course was to use internships to overlap projects and assignments, making an attempt to gain more experience and real-world application with the courses and internship placements. The first paper was based entirely on the internship company for the year. The remaining assignments were meant to do the same, except when internships fell through and I, once again, was required to partner up with a colleague to complete the projects.

This course covered a variety of topics in marketing and business that could be useful for The Globe and Mail or other organizations who desire a sustainable marketing plan – which I can now complete for them. I found the course to be interesting but when classes are back to back in a two and a half to three hour span (nearly totalling six hours of straight class), minds tend to wander and the focus is no longer present. This course will be a stepping stone to help me begin an entry-level career in sustainable marketing activities if I’d like to go into that job direction.

Conclusion of Semester One

The underlying notion of the Green Business Management program emphasized a working internship where students could gain real world experience in the sustainability industry at various partner companies. When internships fail due to administrative errors or communication breakdowns, students are at a loss at what to do and continue the program missing out on opportunities in applying internship data to projects and assignments.

If the program coordinator is to place students at companies accordingly, the program coordinator should ensure that those company supervisors are aware of every detail of the internship, including the schedule (one day a week), the student’s workload in other courses, the student’s knowledge of sustainability, the student’s prior work and education experience, and what the student is to gain from interning at the company. The internship company should also let the program coordinator and student know exactly what the projects will be to complete, specific timeframes for completion of projects, and demonstrate flexibility and empathy with the student, as the internship is a learning opportunity.

Each professor in the first semester had a different way of teaching; some taught from textbooks, some taught very little, some had specific formats and page lengths for assignments, and some had minimal project specifics. Each professor also had a different policy for submitting assignments in hard-copy or soft-copy format. In a sustainability program, one would assume that nearly every assignment submission would be via email or Blackboard. Unfortunately, this did not happen as much as I would have liked.

What each of the professors had in common was the end of semester workload, which sent most students into a sleep deprived state for about two weeks. Seeing as how Green Business Management is a part of the Faculty of Business at Seneca College, one would assume that professors have a better understanding of time management. This would not the case. A balanced workload throughout the semester for each course would have been extremely beneficial for both students and professors.

Relating to time management is the horrible scheduling of first semester. Seneca College is a commuter school and students in the program commute many hours in order to get to class. This was extremely tough at times for those who lived far away from campus and had to deal with traffic and bad weather to arrive on time for an 8am class, and only one class for that day. I would have preferred a schedule with several classes in a day (just not back-to-back scheduling) to maximize the time at which I am commuting and on campus. Several classes in a day forces students to get to know each other outside of a classroom setting which allows the program to bond, growing as a group together. I felt GBM did not develop to its full potential until late in the semester due to these scheduling conflicts.

The program should have scheduled a feedback focus group in the first semester. This way, key professors and colleagues would be aware of the program’s faults and where they cold improve for the second semester. This would also give students a chance to speak their minds critically about the program as a whole and offer solutions to challenges faced throughout the first semester.

Semester Two

In the second semester, I was enrolled in the second eco-productivity course, sustainable leadership, ecopreneurship, and sustainable business plan. I was exempt for “advanced standing” in Margaret’s second course, GBM703: Sustainable Management.

GBM800: Eco-productivity in the Workplace II

Brett’s second course has been, so far, structured about the same as his first course. It continues to place monetary value on sustainability and includes more calculations for a carbon footprint, part of one of the projects I’m working on at The Globe and Mail. Finally, I’m able to use information from my partner company in the assignments for the second semester, upon starting at The Globe and Mail in January 2013. The Globe and Mail can benefit from these projects to reduce waste and improve profits.

Brett incorporated a few guest speakers this semester, including Bob Willard and employees from the Ministry of Environment. Originally, there was a discussion earlier on in the semester about a “field trip” to Evergreen Brickworks. However, I think due to inclement weather, holidays, course material, and scheduling conflicts, the field trip is not happening. This is unfortunate as I think hands-on learning and out-of-the-classroom learning is a great way to gain experience in the sustainability industry. Brett also talked about writing the GHG emissions exam to become GHG certified – something that would set the program apart from other environmental and sustainability post-graduate programs. I don’t think that went ahead either. I think the certification is a great idea and hope that it can be part of the curriculum for next year’s students.

GBM801: Sustainable Leadership

This course was the best course of the entire program, taught by Michael. The open dialogue and discussion format of the course worked so well. The readings every week were interesting and relevant to the course material. I believe that self-awareness is critical to success and that Michael demonstrated this through his lectures and assignments.

The course gave the opportunity to connect our placement companies through every reading, assignment, and discussion – and by the second semester, each student had a working placement until April. Reflecting each week on my internship placement organization kept me grounded in the projects I’m working on at The Globe and Mail. Reviewing the employees and culture at The Globe and Mail and my experiences as an intern to the readings in the course was an excellent way to learn about leadership styles.

GBM803: Ecopreneurship

Peter openly announced to the program that he has very little background in sustainability, yet is teaching an entrepreneurship course that focuses on sustainability. The main project is a semester-long fake sustainable business from inception to implementation to pitch and beyond. I imagine this would be a better course suited to actual business or entrepreneurial students rather than Green Business Management. It is not in my plan to begin my own business even though the group project has both negative and positive aspects to it.

Submitting a business plan on the fake business meant that two business plans were to be submitted for two different courses with two different professors and each professor not wanting the same format or layout. The business plans were also submitted following each other in two weeks. This made it difficult to understand what parts were actually required in writing a business plan.

Following the 40+ page hard copy business plan was the implementation plan: a 100+ page hard copy document of every government, bank, and marketing form a business needs to start. This did not go over well with Green Business Management students. The final project is a marketing blog, virtual trade show, and “Dragon’s Den” type pitch to “investors.” I’m looking forward to the pitch as what I’ve learned from the entire program so far is that sustainability is all about selling yourself and what you plan to do for the organization so that they buy-in. I enjoy my fake business idea and hope that one of the investors will buy into it as much as I have throughout the semester. However, the only take away from this course is the pitch – since pitching ideas and proposals to The Globe and Mail is important for success and employee buy-in.

The name of the course “Ecopreneurship” needs to change. Whoever designed the courses and course names needs to understand that putting “eco,” “green,” or “sustainable” in front of a course name doesn’t make it a “sustainable” course. Call it what it is – entrepreneurship. Not every course name needs to reiterate sustainability if the program and underlying concepts of each of the courses are actually about sustainability.

Peter helped students with their cover letters and resumes. He brought a different perspective into the course by utilizing networking, social media, and technology. He offered insightful tips for job interviews, as well as new social media websites that are on the rise. I’ve never had a professor so technologically and social media oriented, so that was a nice change.

GBM804: Sustainability Business Plan  

As previously mentioned, this business plan was entirely different compared to Peter's business plan. Michael's version was to keep it short and simple – the shorter, the better. I think the idea of the course was to stress proposals to organizations for sustainability initiatives, but I doubt that if I were to contact The Globe and Mail and/or The Globe and Mail’s Green Team outside of being a student intern at the organization, a proposal presentation would not go over very well.

The course didn’t have much “teaching” and was possibly meant to be self-directed. Class time was never used appropriately. I believe the course has potential to be an excellent addition to the program curriculum if it is taught by a professor in the sustainability industry with a background in writing business plans. At least, this new professor may be able to offer a sustainable business plan template for the internship placements (even though there are too many to choose from). Again, this course suffers from awful course naming, as there was very little “sustainability” involved in the course. I like the idea of the capstone paper and I hope it offers insight into where the program needs to be improved in future years.

Conclusion of Semester Two

Semester two experienced many of the similar problems as Semester One. Class scheduling was still terrible. Commuting to campus for early 8am classes was now Tuesday to Friday and dealing with the winter weather did not help. Classes for me were once a day for almost three hours. This meant I was commuting two hours a day for three hours of class. Professors with little to no interest or background in sustainability were teaching courses in the program. Course names were misunderstood and confusing. Professors continued to want hard-copy and/or soft-copy versions of projects and assignments. Professors had terrible time management and piled on the workload once again in the last two weeks of the semester, rather than trying to balance the coursework over the semester. Many of these problems could have been avoided with a simple feedback session at the end of the first semester.

Most of what I’ve learned during both semesters can be applied to the job title I’m hoping to get in the future as a sustainability project manager. Brett’s courses will be extremely valuable to selling sustainability to organizations and Michael's leadership course will help me continue to develop as a great manager and leader in the long and short term. Working on business plans and carbon footprint reporting at The Globe and Mail will add to my resume list of tasks I can complete for any organization, as well as sustainable marketing plans, ISO26000 certified corporate social responsibility reports. Every course enhanced my presentation and public speaking skills which are valuable for my future endeavours in the sustainability industry.

Internship Placement

In the beginning of the program, I had an internship placement set up at Metrolinx. I was happy and excited to start at the placement with a partner classmate. Eventually, there was a communication breakdown between the Metrolinx supervisor, the program coordinator, my partner, and myself. What Metrolinx was asking for and what my program coordinator was asking for were always two different tasks. By the third discussion with Metrolinx and first on-site internship day, it was impossible to understand exactly what the organization wanted and how we were supposed to carry out what they wanted, since we were just beginning the program. My partner and I were overwhelmed with Metrolinx and decided to end the internship.

This sent the two of us scrambling for another internship and left to our own devices to find a suitable placement. After weeks of searching for a placement and continuing to come up empty handed, I was thrown into The Globe and Mail as a second intern. However, by this time it was nearing the end of the first semester and I didn’t actually start the placement until January 2013.

I believe that many of us in the program enrolled in the program to gain first hand, real world work experience as part of the internship. Several internship placements failed during the semester for one reason or another and left students without a working placement for weeks or an entire semester. Some internship companies were located extremely far away for students. These internships were picked by the program coordinator – students were unable to choose their placement unless the one chosen placement for that student had failed.

Since the internship placements play such a large role in the program, they should be set up and confirmed immediately within the first month of the program. The placements should be required to know exactly what it is they are getting into upon signing up with the program. Instead of spending one day a week at the placement, students should be able to spend two or three days a week on-site at the internship, with the rest of the time during the week devoted to class. One day a week at a large or small organization does not work well for productivity and students do not gain any insight into the company’s environment and culture.

All placements should be located within the TTC and GO Transit lines to be accessible for all students inside and outside of the Greater Toronto Area. This is especially important for students who do not drive and their only means of transportation is by public transit. Students should have the ability to choose their own placement and ensure that the placement is somewhere the student wants to intern. The companies should allow students to work on environmental and sustainability projects that relate to the program. The placements should also be flexible in providing data and information for course-related projects and assignments, if possible, to enhance the learning experience.

Alternatively, I believe the internship placement could be modified entirely. I would change the internship to be extended throughout the year. The internship could remain as one day a week at a placement, followed by a full-time summer (paid) employment at the company for 3-4 months. I think this is the best route and would set the program apart from all similar post-graduate programs at universities and colleges. This would also help many students secure entry-level positions directly after the program is completed.

pilot project

my education has been an ongoing series of pilot projects over the course of seven years.

i'm not kidding.

1) brock life 

i started university at 17. my interests after high school included english/writing, environment/sustainability, and general activism. no doubt, all of these things made me decide that going into hearing sciences made the mot sense (did you catch the sarcasm? good.) hearing sciences at brock was going to end with a BA in humanities. because a "science" program was humanities. what else does brock list as programs under the faculty of humanities? classics, english, philosophy, music, drama, history, liberal arts, visual arts, canadian studies... and so on. yep. still makes perfect sense.

hearing sciences required physics, biology, and chemistry. i took biology in summer school in high school. i'm awful with numbers. of course, i struggled. i excelled at my linguistics courses but failed both physics and biology. i didn't have to take chemistry until second year of the program, if i made it that far. i could change into speech and language sciences instead (it's similar but without the "science" component), but i didn't like that idea. i didn't even like what my supposed end result was going to be for hearing sciences. so, upon the end of my first year (being at least 2 courses behind), i changed my major to a program that had just started the same year i entered university: tourism and environment.

tourism and environment (TREN) was a social science. i heard about the program from a guy i met, drunk on residence one night. he only had good things to say about it. i had the ability to choose core courses and electives, of which i made an attempt to minor in writing, but the shortage of courses in writing made that nearly impossible. TREN really caught my eye. the professors stood out and the department was small. by my fourth year in university, i had grades high enough to embark on a study abroad program to new zealand with 8 other TREN folks. we got lucky that year, as the shortage of core courses for TREN and professors to teach them were the worst they had ever been so far in the program. i gained the allotted amount of courses needed for the year while in new zealand for 3 1/2 months (which didn't come cheap.. but was well worth it).

in my fifth and final year of TREN, i wrote a research project with 3 other TREN folks which received attention on all levels. not only did we end with one of the highest grades ever given in the research course, but the praise and encouragement from our department and professors was unreal. talks about publishing in journals were underway. the TREN department offered all graduating students to give feedback on where the program needed to improve for the future. if only they had done this in the beginning or halfway through so we could have changed everything we didn't like.

i decided i was going to apply to masters programs. my research project advisor (the one who gave us the grade) kept telling me he wouldn't write me a reference letter for my application to a masters because my "grades weren't good enough." well, fuck. so, i applied to a few post-graduates at colleges that had something to do with the environment. and in september 2011, i was toronto bound.

2) seneca, round 1 

i got into a post-graduate certificate program called project management - environmental (PME). it was only in it's second or third year when i started. i was stoked because it had an internship and the majority of my classmates didn't have any work experience, like me. but, if you've been keeping up with this blog at all, you'll know how much i struggled with such an unorganized program and terrible professors. i learned some stuff but i'm still unaware of how it will benefit me in the long run. this runs true when one of the people interviewing me last year was concerned that i was trying to steal his job, being that i had the education to be a "project manager." sigh. yes, i'm gonna take your job with no work experience. THEY TOOK YER JOB!

a classmate in PME told me about the program she was in last year, called green business management (GBM). it was also a post-graduate certificate. when i looked into it, it definitely had more of a sustainability and environment focus rather than PME - which seemed to focus on... service? civil? government? law? actually, i have no idea what PME was centred around. i think that kind of sums up the entire program, right there. confused. the department offered us a chance to give feedback on the program and where to improve. and oh, we gave it.

i applied to GBM and got in right away. i hoped that i wouldn't have to return to school in september 2012 and that i'd get some job for at least the summer of 2012. that didn't happen, so back to seneca i went.

3) seneca, round 2

i hoped things would be different. they weren't. i quickly realized that it wasn't exactly the department or faculty's fault for having terrible programs; it was seneca not actually caring about their graduate students. GBM was only in it's third or fourth year when i started. again, my classmates were in the program to gain real-world work experience through the internship. and fuck, we all know how that's turning out. i'll give you a hint: it's not well. it seems as though most days after class ends, my program gets together and bitches about all the things that went wrong and things that need to change in the short and long-term. there are five weeks left in the program, and most of my classmates still sit there with a confused look on their face, wondering what it is that these professors are trying to teach.

i'll admit that there are 2-3 professors that i highly enjoy and make their classes a wonderful learning environment. and yes, they are much better than the shit i had to deal with in PME. but there are still so many things that need to be improved. when i looked online at the newly improved PME program this year, there were a few course changes. but when talking to current PME students, it seems that most of them are still facing similar challenges as my year did.

7 years of post-secondary education. 3 different programs running as supposed pilot projects. i finish GBM in 5 weeks. i'm tired of school and i'm tired of offering feedback on how things would be better.

somebody hire me so i can get out of this school bubble and start the real world. 

the last first week of school

that was a fast summer for not working in paid employment.

i'm back at school now. another graduate certificate. this time around: green business management. i've regaled my classmates of the horrors of last year's program and the way that only one dude was able to get a job in the field... which just so happened to be his dream company. it's difficult to remain optimistic in these troubled times.

but, fortunately this time around, the program doesn't feel like a joke. i'm already busy working away on assignments, papers, and presentations. perhaps this is where i can find whatever is left of my motivation to be in school again for the 7th year. i now have more education experience on my resume than work experience. that also means my student debt is pretty fucking outrageous. yet, my options were limited. i could have scrapped school and kept on with my unemployed job search -- to what end? i probably would have been more miserable if i didn't go to school.

i took the last couple weeks of my summer off from the job hunt. mostly, because i was tired of it and there wasn't many places that were worth my time in order to apply. i have every right to be a picky motherfucker and aim for the jobs i feel are the best fit for me -- personality wise and education wise. and to my surprise, i have an interview with seneca on thursday afternoon for a marketing and communications position. it's part-time and works around my schedule. considering the majority of my summer was spent working on market research, marketing campaigns, promotions and so on, i feel like this could be extremely beneficial to me.

in fact, during the first week of school, one of my professors called me out on potentially being a marketing student. he explained to me that when i answered his question, he immediately thought i had a marketing background based on my answer. well, fuck -- i guess the summer internship and project management program paid off somehow.

i've also been up to some pretty fun things lately. i became an orientation staff member for u of t during the parade, concert (kardinal offishall, le sera, & anjulie), and after party. last year, i was an orientation leader volunteer -- basically, i got to do whatever was needed. in that case, i did security for sam roberts. i was pretty ecstatic about doing that. this year, however, as a staff member, i was to manage and look after my volunteers. i ran the carnival area and food trucks. i back marshalled the parade and ensured the parade went smoothly. and then i went to guvernment for the after party -- the first time i've ever been there, and i monitored the lineup for too many underage drunk kids and tried to be as helpful as possible by shuttling people home on the right buses. i left at 1am for home because i could no longer take the stabbing pain in my legs and feet that proved how great of a time i had that day.

fucked up. he's the love of my life.

i won VIP tickets to riot fest in toronto too from exclaim. i was stoked on that. got to see fucked up, descendents, hot water music, nofx, and less than jake. i saw fucked up back in february at steamwhistle -- and it was amazing. the last time i saw less than jake and nofx was in grade 9 and 10, respectively. less than jake at the international centre way back and nofx at warped tour once. i was never really that into the descendents so we didn't stick around for too much of their set. and hot water music was pretty great because chuck ragan is super rad. i wish i knew more songs, though. 

VIP tickets

1 week down, 14 more to do for this semester. and i'll only have 2 or less exams for this semester. finally -- a program that doesn't require final exams testing how well i can memorize concepts and regurgitate information.

so long, sweet summer

i don't want to go back to school.

i've finished 6 years of post-secondary education. i'm tired of it. grad school the first time around was a joke. actually, it was worse than a joke. i spent a god awful amount of money on what felt like nothing -- nothing that really stuck in my head after april.

i guess i have every right to be tired of school and not have any motivation to get through another fucking year. i figured that maybe this summer -- the one where i couldn't land a job -- would be the summer that follows into september where i don't have to head back to school for something. i just want a job i can be content with and preferably isn't shitty, like working retail. 6 years of school should at least allow me to be able to function in my field of study. as long as i'm getting some moneys, i'll just get you coffee and watch your kids. whatever. i want the real world experience that i lack. i want the real world experience i was supposed to get during my internship in the second semester of grad school; except what i got was developing a 40 page research project that they threw out the moment we walked away. at least i can truly justify my anger.

i haven't had an interview since sometime in the beginning of july when i figured i had nailed that internship with the marketing place. i did nail it; it came down to me and two others. except somebody else got hired over me. still, it's nice to know that i was considered, i suppose. on friday, i had 2 interviews. one with tourism ontario and one with global village. i feel like the lady at tourism ontario was pretty impressed with me. the interview went on for quite awhile and it sounded like a lot of things i could do, given the right circumstances. the global village interview also went pretty well, i think. they didn't have anyone even remotely interested in environment-related things and figured they should probably start.

there's a recruitment/temp agency that's been calling me lately too, but every time i return the call, i never get who i'm supposed to talk to and it's a never-ending cycle of phone tag. she "just wants to talk about my resume"... whatever that means. i've applied to a couple of jobs through that agency but none of them were anything i was that crazy interested in doing. i have an interview with them on wednesday. i also sort of had an in with a retail store that i went to see today, but apparently showed up too late. they clearly saw me standing there quite confused and they didn't even bother to come over to the door and tell me what's up. whatever. i'm better off. i should have just slept through my alarm instead of getting up and trekking over there. i also wasted a bunch of my time applying for a ryerson job only to hear back instantly that applicants were preferred to be ryerson students. for the amount of things i do for both ryerson and u of t, i may as well be an enrolled student. fuck.

the good news is that i'm going to get some money this week. i signed up and was randomly selected to participate in a focus group with seneca. they give me some moneys that will cover a fair amount of food and beer for a couple of weeks. i'm stoked on that. remember that job i was hired at back in april? and then they told me may? and june? and july? and for canada day, they got in touch with me and asked if i was available to work -- but i wasn't. well, they contacted me again for this saturday. and this time, i'm free all day. so, here's hoping something happens with that.

so what am i doing with my time, then? well, applying to jobs takes up a good portion of my day. i've been doing volunteer work with u of t and i'm an official orientation leader of frosh week in september. my longboarding internship is still kicking around and i'm working on things for that. and i did go home to visit for about a week in august. i hadn't been home in a couple of months and had a  lot of stuff to do while i was home. last week, i also found out that my kitty's feline diabetes reversed and now he's back to being healthy. that was super exciting news, and i'm really happy about that.

such a baby.

yep... same old life, really. if i end up going back to school, i start on september 4. with an 8am. because seneca is terrible, amongst other things. but that won't stop me from trying to find a job.

graduation day

technology is cool, right?

i just watched an hour of my own graduation ceremony online through a live stream. the picture quality was horrendous. but yes, today's the day i graduate. and although i missed out on it for various reasons (the main one being that my parents couldn't even come see me graduate), i watched four of the girls graduate live without actually being there. which is kind of neat. i mean, nobody in my program wanted to go. two of them are out west. others had to work or missed the deadline to RSVP to graduate. to each their own, i suppose. i'm not too concerned about missing it. sitting through a 2 hour ceremony again is not really in my best interest.

i now officially have an ontario graduate certificate in project management - environmental... although it's not quite in my literal hands just yet. but yay! i guess.

so, i got rejected from my dream job last week. pretty much a bummer. and i haven't had any calls for interviews or anything since then; but i'm still applying everywhere. i've been filling my time with lots of volunteer things and networking events, as well as working on projects for my unpaid internship. i'm very busy as i just noticed while looking at my calendar. also, it's pride. and i'm performing on saturday june 30 from 5pm-6pm at the pride community cafe. i'm excited for that. and i'll be in the parade on july 1st.

i got an email from the events place, finally, after countless emails from my end of things. you remember this events place, yes? they hired me in april and told me i'd hear from them around may 24. then they said the first week of june. and now it's the end of june and the first time i've heard from them since may. they asked for my availability for "canada day". so i emailed back telling them what's up.

ohhhhh man. i can't even believe if this means i'll start working soon.

acceptance

i like to think of acceptance as both good and really terrible. why? i'm glad you asked.

i've been doing a lot of 'accepting' in 2012 so far. for instance, i accepted that i had a cold and i beat it down until i felt better with natural remedies. then, i was fine for almost a week until my body decided to play a cruel joke on me and make me feel six thousand times worse than i actually did before. and when i didn't accept the fact that i haven't felt that bad since i was about 7 years old, it got worse. much worse. i had to accept that i needed help, went to the walk-in clinic, and healed myself through antibiotics that i'm currently finishing up tomorrow.

from this terrible sickness, i had to accept that i would be falling behind in schoolwork. i was able to make up the quizzes/assignments i missed with no problem (but there's no telling if i did well on them). i was surprised at the amount i had missed in one short week -- when i only have class 3 days a week. yes, i sacrificed 4 days a week of school for scheduling of 5 classes in 3 days. which also means i'm stuck at school for a glorious 14 hours on wednesdays and thursdays. in turn, i spend a ton of money during these days trying to feed myself (eating on campus is costly) and by the time i get home around 8pm, i'm exhausted and don't want to cook, so i spend more money on a little dinner. but i've accepted 2 days a week of spending into an unemployed grad student budget.

i began to accept that my apartment renovations will never be finished. there was a time, briefly, when renovations took place 5 days a week, monday to friday. the drilling, hammering, painting, dust, and overall noise from these renovations was driving me crazy and made it extremely difficult to concentrate (or for the better part of january, get some rest to get over a sickness). it's saturday today, and this morning i was rudely awoken by the loud sounds of hammering above or below me at 9am. it's now almost 4pm and the hammering and drilling have yet to stop. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! do your fucking renovations on weekdays and  leave my weekends free of the noise! ugh. i wish i had the ability to block out noise and sleep through anything.

i've accepted the fact that too many of my plans involve (and are dependent on) drinking in some way. this became evident while being on those antibiotics and i wasn't able to go out and drink, so i just didn't go out at all. this isn't necessarily a bad thing; i just never realized it before.

i suppose the good news here is that i was accepted to seneca's post-grad green business management program for september 2012. but there's no telling what will happen in between now and when i have to accept the offer. i could get offered a sweet as job doing something cool. or, y'know, still be an unemployed bum.

we'll see how i go about accepting things in the near future.

money money money

free money is a glorious thing.

with all the talk about the recent tuition grants put forth by the government and terrible advertising such as this particular video, i was upset and frustrated to find out that i'm ineligible for the grant. but, who's eligible for the grant? 

well, if you are dependent on your parents, your parents make less than $160,000, you are in good academic standing, and you're from ontario. who's ineligible? everyone listed here and over 500,000 post-secondary students across ontario. grad students, part-time students, international students, law, medicine, dentistry, pharmacy, optometry, and education students are all shit out of of luck on this tuition grant.

yeah. i graduated high school in 2006. it's now 2012. i would hope that i wouldn't be dependent on my parents by now. but, here's where OSAP fucked me over -- i didn't work in high school, in fact, i didn't have my first job until 2007. i had applied for OSAP in my first year of my undergrad and my parents 'made too much money'. and even though i was living on residence and had zero moneys for anything, they gave me just under $2,000 that year. my parents at the time were supporting 2 children for post-secondary education and were definitely not making 'too much' money to support their children and live a comfortable life.

i didn't bother applying for 2007/2008. i had made almost enough working during the summer (back when minimum wage was $8.25) to afford the costs of my tuition but no where close to my residence fees. i worked during this year and saved up some money. in the summer of 2008, i couldn't land a well-paying job and only occasionally worked weekends at a camp on call for 2 months. so i had applied to OSAP for 2008/2009. this time, they gave me just over $2,000. again, not nearly enough to cover tuition or residence fees. i didn't have that much money in the bank, but i was now working just under 20 hours a week during the school year. my parents didn't make that much money, in fact, they made even less that year, and they still had to support 2 children in post-secondary education.

i had a part-time job during the summer of 2009 and a full-time job for just over a month. my bank account was starting to grow. in 2009/2010, OSAP decided to be sort of nice to me since i had stayed in school and used them twice before. i was living at home for first semester and working up to 20 hours again. my second semester was studying abroad and OSAP gave me just over $5,000. that was enough to cover tuition; but not the $10,000 extra and spending money to study abroad. i also received a bursary for going away -- but i think it was $200. maybe it was $500. i don't really remember. it's a good thing i had saved up quite a bit of money to reward myself with going away even during the recession.

upon return from my adventures of studying in new zealand, i picked up a job that guaranteed me full-time/overtime hours in the peak of summer. i was making a shit ton of money and living at home. i had 3.5 credits remaining in order to graduate in 2010/2011. 3.5 credits was still considered a full course load and i could have applied for OSAP, but i refused. they would have given me more money this time for sure as i was now independent of my parents, but still living at home for the year. i told OSAP to fuck off for the year and enjoyed my shit ton of money saved from the summer/whatever was left from paying a smaller tuition for not that many credits and sailed in spending money from my 20 hours a week part-time job.

2011/2012, i began my postgrad living in toronto, completely independent of my parents and making something ridiculous like less than $2,000 over the course of the summer. OSAP was my only option; and they gave me less than $12,000 to help with tuition, books, rent, and food. it was a great thing that i saved up practically all the money i made from the previous year working and kept my expenses to a minimum. i paid my full first semester tuition in june without any help from OSAP yet as my funding had yet to be released until september. OSAP helped with the second semester tuition and has been covering my rent most months.

i guess the most exciting thing about applying for OSAP are the surprises you never know about, such as the textbook and technology grant of $150. yep, sent to me almost by the time first semester had ended, it kept me drunk and fed for a few days. or for instance, the email i just received from seneca, telling me that i was selected as the recipient for the ontario student access guarantee bursary. how and why i'm still sort of confused about.. but an extra $800 will help me with next month's rent for sure. i don't remember filling in any application for something like this. i really hope it's not a mistake.

and hey, is that a GST cheque i see in my bank account already?

2012, you're starting to redeem yourself already.

resolution

i have a tendency to make the same resolutions year after year. but they aren't those generic resolutions to eat better, lose weight, or work out more (which, are all related and let's face it; i don't really need to do any of those things).

no, my resolutions are of a different kind suited to my inner well-being rather than the exterior. and if i can simplify my resolution into two words:

better decision-making. 

2011 was a rough year in any and almost all of the decisions i made. many were life-changing. many were wrong. and many were decisions i can never take back. but there was an upside to several of my decisions on occasion, so not everything was as bad as i'm making it out to be. in fact, i know exactly when things began to take a turn for the worst and pretty much just spiraled out of control. there were too many months where i felt as though i had reverted back to my 15 year old self through decisions that were made.

and hey, i loved my 15 year old self. just not enough to go back to it again.

generally, i'm a pretty fucking happy girl. i don't focus on negatives. i manage my stress effectively. i don't really shut people out and tend to give second chances when i probably shouldn't. i don't say a lot of mean things without sarcasm and hell, i love my friends and family to death. but my decision-making could always be better. and, i'll be honest: i was hurt more times than i can count in 2011.

a rejection from niagara meant i had no future; but opened up the scrambled possibility of moving to toronto and going to seneca.
i lost friends due to reasons beyond my control; but gained new ones (albeit who knows how much better some of them are).
i successfully ruined my longest relationship on more than one occasion; and well, i'm still waiting for the positive yang to my yin on this one.

2011 definitely overstayed its welcome.

here's to the new year:
- to keeping healthy;
- to being active;
- for good times with family and friends;
- for a better relationship to find me when the time is right; and
- to better, all around decision-making on my part.

cheers to 2012.

semester in review

it took about four months and the night before my project management exam to finally learn how to calculate net present value, earned value, and the critical path method. and it was all thanks to a dude in my program and youtube's SirGanttAlot. 

somehow, i figure if i'm learning more from youtube than the education i'm paying for, there might be a serious problem. i was rewarded today with my results and i'm pretty happy; ending with a C+ in project management is what i needed to achieve in order to stay in the program. of course, everything else was fine: B in law, B+ in environmental management, A in business, and A+ in english. yes, postgrad is a bit of a joke. i can only hope that it stays that way for next semester.

shit, did i really just finish my first four months and first semester in toronto already?

i've been home for the holidays since tuesday afternoon and i've likely spent more time with friends than my actual family. everyone was around for christmas dinner and opening gifts; i'm excited to play the new batman soon. i had to make a decision whether i should bring all my dirty clothes home or my xbox. i think i made the right decision.

i'm heading back to toronto on wednesday and figuring out something to do for new years eve but i don't know what that will be yet. school starts back up january 9th -- my schedule currently shows 3 more 8am classes. i'm very unhappy. nobody knows what's happening with the internship yet. they didn't tell us anything before we left, so i hope it's all sorted out by the time we get back.

i'm also thinking about applying to seneca's green business management postgrad program for september 2012. it looks more interesting than what i'm doing currently; more of a focus on the environment and sustainability plus an internship that seems to be much more organized than my program too. and it costs less. and it'll mean living in toronto for another year.

i'll go talk to them once i get back in january. originally, i was gonna go talk to someone after my last exam... but.. y'know.. i kinda started drinking at 11am when my exam finished. i figured it was a better use of my time.

happy holidays!

"so have a merry christmas, happy channukah, kwazy kwanza, a tip top tet, and a solemn, dignified ramadan.
..and now a word from my god; our sponsor."

what if

sometimes i wonder if i made the right choice.

i guess it really wasn't my choice to make. with the rejection from niagara and that being the only school i applied to for a post-grad, i was scrambling for something better. but it made me wonder and showed that it was almost fate that i didn't get in.

let's face it: 8 months at niagara would mean 8 more months of living at home and i definitely would not have been able to stand that. i doubt i would be learning anything about project management or getting 100% on assignments (okay, i don't know about the latter). still, i love every aspect of city life. the nightlife, the closeness, the transportation, the friends, the accessibility, and being on my own for sure rules.

i just imagine how things would be different if i didn't scramble to apply to seneca and get in -- even though it wasn't exactly what i wanted. but it's now shaping up to be something that could be beneficial to me in the long run.

i realized how different college life and university life are -- both through the atmosphere and the teaching/grading styles. yes, i'm post-grad, but fuck, if it's 8am and i just got up at 6am, i should have every right to show up in trackpants. fuck all of you for thinking otherwise. and the midterms. oh god, the midterms. i've written 4 so far with a 5th tomorrow. i fucking hate midterms. i didn't have any in my final year of university; i think the last time was in my 4th year. oh yeah, and what happened on that midterm? i scored 100% on short answer and essay questions. yeah. it was a good way to end my university midterm career. this also goes with final exams too --  i only had one final exam in my last year at brock and i did quite well.

i guess i'm just not a fan of testing. my memory, she ain't what she used to be and i find myself blanking on questions i should know... but don't. i prefer writing papers in order to collect my thoughts and ideas and apply them accordingly -- 'cause hell, i can express myself and argue my opinions pretty well! this seems no different in the marks i get from papers/reports/assignments so far. but, even my test scores are turning around. it's all just a matter of my focus at the time. if my mind is elsewhere (and it tends to be), i'm gonna do terrible. but if it's not, i'll more than likely be successful. hell week and a half is winding down to a close tomorrow and it's pretty much smooth sailing with only a few assignments to complete before final exams.

this seneca post-grad or a niagara post-grad was not what i intended. it's no applied master's, but it's going to have to work out.. for now. i just don't enjoy this all theory with no action thing. i want action with less theory!

first week in toronto

i enjoy toronto immensely but i don't exactly enjoy my commute to school.

i had 2 classes on wednesday, one at 8am and one at 11am. i hate having to be up by 6am in order to make it into class by 8am, though i almost have my commute down to a science now. which is nice, i suppose. my wednesday 8am class is a joke -- pretty much take everything i ever learned from my undergrad and put it into one course -- and there you have my 8am class. then i have a business writing course which is also a joke. entirely similar to a technical writing course i took in my undergrad. and all the assignments are completed in class... at 8am on fridays. god damnit. but i'm getting ahead of myself.

wednesday night, i went out with steve to celebrate our own frosh week. tyler and steve came over. we made perogies and had beers. steve and i went to pegasus on church street and then hoops on yonge, with a late-night stop at mcdonalds. we drunkenly stumbled back to my place and shortly after, corey stumbled in as well and we all hung out for a little while.

thursday, i nursed my hangover and went to school for 4pm and my prof showed up like 20 minutes late because she couldn't find the room (neither could i, damn you seneca and your awful directions/new buildings). the class was business principles and seems like it should be sort of easy. i went with some of the guys from my program to check out the bookstore and found 2 of the textbooks we need -- one at about $60 and the other $90. fuck textbooks. i ate pita pit, headed home, and went to bed early. i was exhausted.

friday, i made it to my 8am class. again, a total joke. we had to write 'tell me about yourself' memos. i made some jokes in mine. i hope she gets them. we had 2 hours to kill before the next class, so 6 of us from the program lazed outside in a green area somewhere on campus and got to know each other. i went home right after the second class (that went on FOREVER), grabbed a sub for lunch, had a quick shower, and met steve at wellesley station. we headed over to u of t and became volunteers for the orientation concert, thanks to corey.

i was stoked. i did front stage security for sam roberts and land of talk. i met sam roberts and KC from degrassi. i got a free poutine and a bunch of other free stuff. i was supposed to help out at guvernment after for the afterparty but i bailed since i was so tired. steve and i left u of t, met up with tyler for a short hangout, then i went home and passed out. it was such a fantastic day.

saturday, i met up with steph and erica at the vegetarian food festival in the afternoon.we ate some real delicious food and enjoyed ourselves in the sun. it was nice to catch up! i took my first streetcar ever. i left harbourfront centre and went over to tyler's, meeting up with juan and adam. tyler made us all some amazing dinner -- then i headed home to get ready. i was back out on the road about an hour later to go to heather's for a predrink before lee's palace. lee's palace/dance cave was sweet and i can foresee me going back there soon.

today, i did a little grocery shopping (bought milk, chocolate milk, raspberries, and orange juice) and only spent $10. i was planning to do laundry but i think i'll save that for tuesday afternoon. gerrad and paul are coming over later to watch the season finale of curb your enthusiasm.

geez, it's been a long week but an excellent week! at least i get to sleep in tomorrow -- class isn't until 1:30pm.

toronto living

i officially live in toronto!

i moved in yesterday. i'm all settled and unpacked. my parents helped me move for most of the day after waiting for an hour for corey to open the door to the apartment. we only had one set of keys -- they were with corey. the movers were not impressed. here is the part where i would post pictures of my place, but alas, i am without a camera. one of the many things that i didn't pack.

i spent last night unwinding and catching up with tyler while waiting for corey to eventually come home, as i was now the sole protector of the coveted keys. i did go get them copied. no more waiting up for late corey anymore!

toronto is a loud city. i found it hard to sleep at night. so many sirens and people talking loudly on the street or apartments below. i hope that i'll be able to get over my light sleeping mode soon. i was up bright and early to get ready for my big day today. i commuted to seneca for the first time and met up with steve. he showed me around, i found the majority of my classes, got my osap and my student card. we grabbed a quick lunch at pizza hut and i commuted back home which took less time for some reason. also, on the subway, i definitely saw a dude that used to be in brock residence back in the day. i never met his eyes but i'm absolutely positive it was him. though i had never had a conversation with him in my residence days, i used to see him around constantly (and let's face it, i was pretty much crushin') -- and now i saw him in toronto. small world.

my parents called to inform me that a letter had arrived from seneca saying that i needed to show proof of my degree, proficiency in english at the college level, and a transcript in order to keep my conditional offer of acceptance. and an expiry of september 8. well, fuck. i don't know what i need to do and nobody seemed to give me a hard time today when i was getting all my shit done on campus. and since it's the long weekend, i won't hear from anyone until possibly tuesday. i'll have to wait in ridiculous lines to talk to somebody on tuesday and get it all sorted out.

it's friday night in toronto and i'm exhausted.

first week

i'm alive after my first week working at embassy suites.

the mornings are difficult but somehow i managed. wednesday, i stocked the cold part of the buffet, which is a ridiculous amount of work all the time. i looked after all the muffins, pastries, cold cereal, bagels, fruit (grapefruit, watermelon, 2 types of apples, oranges, bananas), bread for toasting, and english muffins. it amazed me how much i had to constantly stock and the amount of people going through the buffet.

thursday, i was stocking cutlery and mostly working with high school kids in the bar kitchen. i knew working in a kitchen wasn't the best idea, but fuck. these high school kids are so fucking rude. not to me -- just in general. i'm pretty sure i wasn't like them when i was that age. anyway, so i had to stock the silverware (knives, forks, spoons). i'd grab all the washed ones from the dishpit, polish them off, put them in an insert, and run them out to where they belong on the buffet. this was a pretty easy job.

friday, i was on toast. i was situated at the end of one of the chef stations toasting bread for each of the 3 chef stations. all i did for the entire time i was there was toast bread and talk to the chefs cooking omelettes and eggs. this was okay but was also the day it was like 49 degrees outside and so standing in front of a toaster for 3 hours was not the greatest time in the world.

saturday, i was on cutlery again and it was insanely busy like every other tourist destination on a saturday during the summer. a few other people working had to help me out a couple of times just because the cutlery was disappearing so fast and not exiting the dishpit fast enough. i survived, though. i just think it's strange that the majority of people working in the kitchen actually do their work and don't normally shoot the shit that much. it's probably my first job i've had where quality work is being done almost all the time. that being said, i haven't met that many people and rarely if ever take a break.

there is one dude who's been helping me out since my second day. he's nice and we get along. we normally get assigned together to do cleanup duties. yesterday, 2 of the girls got me to take a break with them.. so that was nice to talk for a bit. we got along too. next week, i only work 3 shifts at embassy. i called sport chek and am not scheduled for next week at all since the trainers are on vacation. they said they would schedule me for the following week. the first week in august, holy shit.

corey and i are working on still getting the apartment. we should be able to have it soon! i'm so excited. also, my timetable for seneca should be arriving the second week in august and i'll know my schedule finally. a few weeks after that, i'll be moving to toronto!

i just want to move now.

and the job search continues

sometimes i wish that job postings would be more descriptive so you know what it is exactly you'll be doing for most of the time.

when i'm in toronto for festivals or events, i normally see greenpeace booths set up with opinionated youngsters trying to change the world one person at a time. people at the festival who have the time to do so walk up the booth and ask questions. that's what i thought i applied for.

instead, i applied to be an annoying person on a street corner yelling at people to join greenpeace. and not only do these people have to hear me talk about issues; they have to give me money in order to sign up. yes, 'donations'. you donate to become a member. well, shit. on my way to the interview, i passed by two people handing out flyers or yelling at me to come talk to them about things. of course, i walked by them with no eye contact because i didn't want to be bothered. if i take the job, i'll be on the other end of this scenario and hating every minute of it. even if i do get to talk to people about the issues i care about, i know i would absolutely hate trying to get them to give me money... to give greenpeace money.. in order to become a member.

the lady who interviewed me explained what i would be doing and i was immediately turned off from the job. politely, i completed the interview that had a bunch of questions i was never asked before in any interview. one of the last deal breakers was the fact that if the weather doesn't hold (if it's raining, thunderstorming, or 40 degrees) i don't work and i won't be paid for the day. and with the way the weather has been going lately, it seems like i'd work like twice a week. if they offer me a position, i should hear back in about a week and a half.

i still have yet to hear from any of my interviews. lanark dude, who said he was going to call regardless if i got the job or not has yet to call (and he wanted me to start this coming monday). adidas still has a week or so before they make a decision. build a bear workshop was supposed to get back to me yesterday and they didn't. i have also received no calls about any other jobs recently that i have applied for.

at least toronto was a good time and i saw some friends. next friday, i officially will get my degree handed to me and will have graduated. the week after that, i have to pay my tuition to seneca. that might pose a bit of a problem when i haven't worked for the whole month of may and so far the first few days of june.