besides the fact that tinder now crashes my phone every time the app opens, i've kind of laid it to rest. but not before coming across something in particular.
there he was, using the same photo from 3 years ago.
3 years ago, i was in a bit of a weird place, trying to figure out my life. i had 4 different dudes i was seeing at the same time and he was one of them. fortunately enough for me, he was designated for sex and nothing more. that was established pretty quickly. he was just old enough to know all the right everything. i was just young enough to give in.
i'll never forget the time when he thought i was 28. i'd hope by then i would've been in a better place. although he was much older than me, he was in the same place i was. he didn't have a job. i think he had just finished school or was about to finish school. he didn't know what he wanted and neither did i. what we had in common was only each other. even his nerdiness, although similar to my own, did not line up. i found myself shy around him, unable to converse. he'd invite me over to his parkdale apartment, feed me drinks i've never heard of, show me films i've never seen, and spend countless hours watching futurama with me. he'd always ask me to stay over and sometimes i did.
i knew it was never going to last and i was quite surprised it went on for as long as it did. i never initiated anything with him because i never needed to do so. there was just something about him that made me kept going back for more, and the sex wasn't even that good. there wasn't a spark. it was just.. something. i still can't figure it out.
what threw me for a loop when i saw him on tinder was that same photo. all of them were the same ones i remember. it had been 3 years. even if it was your best picture, in 3 years, you should've at least taken a different one to use. you have the technology.
i swiped right just to see what would happen. so far, there hasn't been a match.
i'm okay with that.
Showing posts with label dude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dude. Show all posts
Jul 1, 2015
May 18, 2015
adventures in tinder
the biggest change that has happened since my last update is that i'm currently single.
i use the term "biggest change" very loosely because not much has actually changed. i could sit here and write out everything i'm feeling and thinking and believe me, i have tried to do this. for once in my life, i had no words to express my frustration, so i didn't. i kept to myself and have every intention of keeping it that way.
in order to get out of my head, i needed a distraction. seeing as how i had extreme curiosity with tinder, i joined. here are my adventures in tinder in somewhat chronological order.
that cute simpsons dude
not thinking much about it, i instantly matched with a very cute blonde dude in town to film some movie who asked me just the right amount of trivia questions before falling in love with me. it went on like this for a few days and that was the end of that. it was a good start that i knew was going to end up totally misleading during my adventure.
that dude who had no idea how to converse (dick pic #1)
i matched with some dude with a limited profile and now i understand why his profile was so limited. this dude was cute but had no idea how to talk to me. eventually, this ended with him sending me a dick pic. i couldn't have ran away fast enough. thanks for not letting me waste my time on you. here's the things, dudes: familiarize yourself with that of what a girl wants in a dick and decide whether or not yours is it. you know that porn you watch? pay attention to the dude next time. does yours look similar? then maybe send that dick pic. if it doesn't, i'd suggest not sending one.
some cool dudes
they're cool. maybe we'll meet someday. maybe we won't. whatever.
all the dudes i matched with, initiated conversation, then was frustrated with the lack of everything
this is kind of self-explanatory. isn't this not what tinder is about? matching based on physical appearance and then hooking up/hanging out/whatever? if you don't respond, what's the point? i even played on the offensive side and initiated a conversation with every dude i matched with within a period of time. this is frustrating in itself and makes me hate online dating even more.
all of those aggressive types
take a step back, please. i'm not a piece of meat. no, i don't want to come over. no, i don't want to be your fantasy. no, i don't want you to tell me what you want to do to me. no, i don't care of this "won't be a one time thing". what if i want it to be a one time thing? come on. there are 2 people in this. i don't really give a fuck what you think. buddy, you know nothing of the online dating world. i understand why you're here.
intentional matching of dude friends
only to see how long it takes to match with each other while we're standing next to each other. pro tip: it took them longer to find me than it did for me to find them.
unintentional matching of dude friends
absolutely hilarious. still laughing about it. swipe right.
unintentional matching of exes
not hilarious, whether they are quite recent or very old. not cool, tinder. let those wounds heal. problem is, they likely were the ones to swipe right.
i gave myself 2 weeks and expected to quit. after 2 weeks, i realized that this was now a fairly decent tool to use to add to my ridiculous life stories. i began to play more and more with various techniques. i spent one day swiping right on every dude. that was probably the biggest mistake i've ever made. unlike my veteran online dating life of plenty of fish with me in a bikini picture which i used to troll dudes, my tinder profile was about as real as it gets. if dudes asked me what i was doing on tinder, i told them the truth: research - and to talk to some cool dudes. if things got a bit more serious in conversation, i'd explain how i'm recently out of a relationship.
some dudes were quite turned off by me being newly single. i don't quite understand why as it had nothing to do with them. except that maybe the odds of me sleeping with them were down about 900%. some dudes were pissed off that i was only looking to talk. one dude even had the audacity to tell me to try okcupid. yeah, fuck you. what a dumb dude.
similar to what happened before, the minute i leave the online dating world is when i'm going to find my next dude.
just give me some time.
i use the term "biggest change" very loosely because not much has actually changed. i could sit here and write out everything i'm feeling and thinking and believe me, i have tried to do this. for once in my life, i had no words to express my frustration, so i didn't. i kept to myself and have every intention of keeping it that way.
in order to get out of my head, i needed a distraction. seeing as how i had extreme curiosity with tinder, i joined. here are my adventures in tinder in somewhat chronological order.
that cute simpsons dude
not thinking much about it, i instantly matched with a very cute blonde dude in town to film some movie who asked me just the right amount of trivia questions before falling in love with me. it went on like this for a few days and that was the end of that. it was a good start that i knew was going to end up totally misleading during my adventure.
that dude who had no idea how to converse (dick pic #1)
i matched with some dude with a limited profile and now i understand why his profile was so limited. this dude was cute but had no idea how to talk to me. eventually, this ended with him sending me a dick pic. i couldn't have ran away fast enough. thanks for not letting me waste my time on you. here's the things, dudes: familiarize yourself with that of what a girl wants in a dick and decide whether or not yours is it. you know that porn you watch? pay attention to the dude next time. does yours look similar? then maybe send that dick pic. if it doesn't, i'd suggest not sending one.
some cool dudes
they're cool. maybe we'll meet someday. maybe we won't. whatever.
all the dudes i matched with, initiated conversation, then was frustrated with the lack of everything
this is kind of self-explanatory. isn't this not what tinder is about? matching based on physical appearance and then hooking up/hanging out/whatever? if you don't respond, what's the point? i even played on the offensive side and initiated a conversation with every dude i matched with within a period of time. this is frustrating in itself and makes me hate online dating even more.
all of those aggressive types
take a step back, please. i'm not a piece of meat. no, i don't want to come over. no, i don't want to be your fantasy. no, i don't want you to tell me what you want to do to me. no, i don't care of this "won't be a one time thing". what if i want it to be a one time thing? come on. there are 2 people in this. i don't really give a fuck what you think. buddy, you know nothing of the online dating world. i understand why you're here.
intentional matching of dude friends
only to see how long it takes to match with each other while we're standing next to each other. pro tip: it took them longer to find me than it did for me to find them.
unintentional matching of dude friends
absolutely hilarious. still laughing about it. swipe right.
unintentional matching of exes
not hilarious, whether they are quite recent or very old. not cool, tinder. let those wounds heal. problem is, they likely were the ones to swipe right.
i gave myself 2 weeks and expected to quit. after 2 weeks, i realized that this was now a fairly decent tool to use to add to my ridiculous life stories. i began to play more and more with various techniques. i spent one day swiping right on every dude. that was probably the biggest mistake i've ever made. unlike my veteran online dating life of plenty of fish with me in a bikini picture which i used to troll dudes, my tinder profile was about as real as it gets. if dudes asked me what i was doing on tinder, i told them the truth: research - and to talk to some cool dudes. if things got a bit more serious in conversation, i'd explain how i'm recently out of a relationship.
some dudes were quite turned off by me being newly single. i don't quite understand why as it had nothing to do with them. except that maybe the odds of me sleeping with them were down about 900%. some dudes were pissed off that i was only looking to talk. one dude even had the audacity to tell me to try okcupid. yeah, fuck you. what a dumb dude.
similar to what happened before, the minute i leave the online dating world is when i'm going to find my next dude.
just give me some time.
Nov 5, 2014
the year everything ended in november
you might recall about a year ago, i was in a really bad place. i wrote countless blog posts about how everything in my life, including, well, me living a life, turned to absolute shit very quickly.
it was a combination of falling ill for 6+ months and losing my job where i wasn't sure things could get any worse. but let this be a lesson to everyone: the minute you think nothing is going to get worse from where you are, you're wrong. so very wrong. when you're ill for 6+ months, you pick up other sicknesses on the way and lose any and all hope you ever had that you were going to get better at some point. you lose track of who you are, physically and mentally. i got lucky that the severity of my symptoms were limited and that it was diagnosed and treated correctly the first time without my body rejecting the antibiotics. i got lucky that i had a strong family and friends base to keep me going. but it became arduous to keep on explaining to anyone who asked what was wrong with me. i wanted to believe it was something more than what the doctors kept telling me. how did everyone else get over this easily? why was it only me that had these issues? why was i the only one who needed to be hospitalized several times with no end in sight?
"why me?" was a phrase i uttered too many times during the course of treatment. nurses and doctors continued to greet me with looks of disappointment.
"i thought i told you the last time you were here that i didn't want to see you again" i wish i had an answer. "
you might just have to be on antibiotic treatment for the rest of your life" were words that chill me to the bone to this day.
and maybe it was the stress of my job. or maybe it was that dude i was with awhile back i knew nothing about. maybe it's diet. maybe it's environmental factors. whatever it was, i wouldn't wish what i went through on anyone. i'd be a very happy girl if i never had to set foot in a doctor's office or hospital again.
a year ago, the life i had was taken from me abruptly and i was now bound to a life of "sorry, i can't hang out, i'm in the hospital". i'll always remember november 2013 of the worst month of my life up until that point.
but by january 2014, things began to change yet again. symptoms persisted and i knew i had to be strong. i was hired on at a job which i love, despite me not being able to make rent. i pressed on to events i wanted to go to and simpsons trivia nights that let us win first place a number of times. in july, i met a great dude who wasn't from the internet. yes, a real dude. and he's showing me what a real relationship is supposed to be like. it's amazing and only continues to get better as time goes on.
so, maybe things have to reach an all time low at some point before things ever start to get better. just try not to be deceived when what you think is the bottom ends up to be actually be further than you thought.
it was a combination of falling ill for 6+ months and losing my job where i wasn't sure things could get any worse. but let this be a lesson to everyone: the minute you think nothing is going to get worse from where you are, you're wrong. so very wrong. when you're ill for 6+ months, you pick up other sicknesses on the way and lose any and all hope you ever had that you were going to get better at some point. you lose track of who you are, physically and mentally. i got lucky that the severity of my symptoms were limited and that it was diagnosed and treated correctly the first time without my body rejecting the antibiotics. i got lucky that i had a strong family and friends base to keep me going. but it became arduous to keep on explaining to anyone who asked what was wrong with me. i wanted to believe it was something more than what the doctors kept telling me. how did everyone else get over this easily? why was it only me that had these issues? why was i the only one who needed to be hospitalized several times with no end in sight?
"why me?" was a phrase i uttered too many times during the course of treatment. nurses and doctors continued to greet me with looks of disappointment.
"i thought i told you the last time you were here that i didn't want to see you again" i wish i had an answer. "
you might just have to be on antibiotic treatment for the rest of your life" were words that chill me to the bone to this day.
and maybe it was the stress of my job. or maybe it was that dude i was with awhile back i knew nothing about. maybe it's diet. maybe it's environmental factors. whatever it was, i wouldn't wish what i went through on anyone. i'd be a very happy girl if i never had to set foot in a doctor's office or hospital again.
a year ago, the life i had was taken from me abruptly and i was now bound to a life of "sorry, i can't hang out, i'm in the hospital". i'll always remember november 2013 of the worst month of my life up until that point.
but by january 2014, things began to change yet again. symptoms persisted and i knew i had to be strong. i was hired on at a job which i love, despite me not being able to make rent. i pressed on to events i wanted to go to and simpsons trivia nights that let us win first place a number of times. in july, i met a great dude who wasn't from the internet. yes, a real dude. and he's showing me what a real relationship is supposed to be like. it's amazing and only continues to get better as time goes on.
so, maybe things have to reach an all time low at some point before things ever start to get better. just try not to be deceived when what you think is the bottom ends up to be actually be further than you thought.
May 23, 2014
a life together
i once dated a dude who had his life together.
at the time, my life was far from together. all i remember thinking whenever we hung out was that i couldn't be with this dude because, well, he had his life together and i didn't. he had a steady job he liked. he had an income that allowed him to have a car in the city and live in a fancy apartment without struggling to pay his bills. and me? i was trying to figure life out as a starving post-grad living in the city for the first time. the kicker was that he didn't go to school and he was my age, yet had all of this, life togetherness, the thing i've been yearning for since birth, figured out already.
in conversations with friends, i'd mention how he wasn't the only dude i was dating at the time. but i'd also mention how different each of the dudes i was dating at the time were and how they each made me feel differently. i liked hanging out with him and the sex was incredible. but as time wore on, i had every excuse waiting for the inevitable ride home and not let him spend the night. where was this future going? is that what we were even doing? past relationships and the future of us were never discussed, but with him, i wasn't sure a future would even be possible. i couldn't understand what it was that kept him coming back to me. i was always available and yet, we still didn't even manage to hang as much as one would've thought since i started to lean away from him and into another dude where a future seemed more likely.
so when that other dude didn't end up the way it was meant to be, mr. life together was still hanging out, waiting for me. and as i was still picking up the pieces of myself, he sat me down for the first time and asked me where things were going. he talked to me about settling and i stared at him, nearly dropping my beer in disbelief. why now? why me? my life, at this time, was even less together than it ever was and he was willing to see past all of that. although he was not aware of my recent fall out with the other dude, (of which the two of them managed to meet once and i was essentially scared and couldn't stop grinning the entire time) he had no idea that i was not in any shape to settle down with anyone, even someone as loving and forgiving as he had been to me over the course of our dating life. i shook my head. i wouldn't and couldn't rebound into him. that wouldn't be fair to anyone involved.
the next time we hung out, i had no excuses to not bring him home with me. unfortunately, he did. and i couldn't even fight it. he had made his choice and i had made mine. what i didn't know then, was that dudes with their life together are uhh.. elusive and don't come around very often.
the irony of this story is that back when my life was an entire fuck up of epic proportions was also the time when i was at the peak of desirability. my life (and me) needed saving and each of the dudes i had picked for that saving either made things better or worse, depending on the timing and situation. and now that i'm mildly self sufficient and have my life together? i don't need to be saved anymore, i just need someone around to open jars and reach items on the top shelf.
last year, i ran into mr. life together on two separate occasions where he was attending with his girlfriend but she wasn't with him when we exchanged pleasantries. unfortunately, i'm not a girl who waits around for dudes.
it wasn't me back then and it's not me now; i think i've come to terms with that.
but i'd probably throw that all away in a second for one more chance to hold his hand.
at the time, my life was far from together. all i remember thinking whenever we hung out was that i couldn't be with this dude because, well, he had his life together and i didn't. he had a steady job he liked. he had an income that allowed him to have a car in the city and live in a fancy apartment without struggling to pay his bills. and me? i was trying to figure life out as a starving post-grad living in the city for the first time. the kicker was that he didn't go to school and he was my age, yet had all of this, life togetherness, the thing i've been yearning for since birth, figured out already.
in conversations with friends, i'd mention how he wasn't the only dude i was dating at the time. but i'd also mention how different each of the dudes i was dating at the time were and how they each made me feel differently. i liked hanging out with him and the sex was incredible. but as time wore on, i had every excuse waiting for the inevitable ride home and not let him spend the night. where was this future going? is that what we were even doing? past relationships and the future of us were never discussed, but with him, i wasn't sure a future would even be possible. i couldn't understand what it was that kept him coming back to me. i was always available and yet, we still didn't even manage to hang as much as one would've thought since i started to lean away from him and into another dude where a future seemed more likely.
so when that other dude didn't end up the way it was meant to be, mr. life together was still hanging out, waiting for me. and as i was still picking up the pieces of myself, he sat me down for the first time and asked me where things were going. he talked to me about settling and i stared at him, nearly dropping my beer in disbelief. why now? why me? my life, at this time, was even less together than it ever was and he was willing to see past all of that. although he was not aware of my recent fall out with the other dude, (of which the two of them managed to meet once and i was essentially scared and couldn't stop grinning the entire time) he had no idea that i was not in any shape to settle down with anyone, even someone as loving and forgiving as he had been to me over the course of our dating life. i shook my head. i wouldn't and couldn't rebound into him. that wouldn't be fair to anyone involved.
the next time we hung out, i had no excuses to not bring him home with me. unfortunately, he did. and i couldn't even fight it. he had made his choice and i had made mine. what i didn't know then, was that dudes with their life together are uhh.. elusive and don't come around very often.
the irony of this story is that back when my life was an entire fuck up of epic proportions was also the time when i was at the peak of desirability. my life (and me) needed saving and each of the dudes i had picked for that saving either made things better or worse, depending on the timing and situation. and now that i'm mildly self sufficient and have my life together? i don't need to be saved anymore, i just need someone around to open jars and reach items on the top shelf.
last year, i ran into mr. life together on two separate occasions where he was attending with his girlfriend but she wasn't with him when we exchanged pleasantries. unfortunately, i'm not a girl who waits around for dudes.
it wasn't me back then and it's not me now; i think i've come to terms with that.
but i'd probably throw that all away in a second for one more chance to hold his hand.
May 3, 2014
time stops
i've just spent my first entire year out of school.
and in that year i:
- started something with a dude
- went to vegas
- ended something with a dude
- spent forever job hunting
- started something with a dude
- started something with a dude
- had a wonderful summer without a job
- got a real job
- got really sick
- saw my favourite band ever live for the first time
- got fired from the real job
- almost died due to sickness
- spent two months sober
- recovered from sickness
- got hired at a new job
- celebrated 3 months at the new job
- ended something with a dude
- pretty much ended something with a dude
for the first time in a long time, i'm not seeing anyone. this includes any physical or emotional relationships that were barely anything to begin with. i have no dudes. and it's actually one of the best feelings i've had in a long time.
a lot can change in a year because timing is everything.
i'm just happy to be alive.
and in that year i:
- started something with a dude
- went to vegas
- ended something with a dude
- spent forever job hunting
- started something with a dude
- started something with a dude
- had a wonderful summer without a job
- got a real job
- got really sick
- saw my favourite band ever live for the first time
- got fired from the real job
- almost died due to sickness
- spent two months sober
- recovered from sickness
- got hired at a new job
- celebrated 3 months at the new job
- ended something with a dude
- pretty much ended something with a dude
for the first time in a long time, i'm not seeing anyone. this includes any physical or emotional relationships that were barely anything to begin with. i have no dudes. and it's actually one of the best feelings i've had in a long time.
a lot can change in a year because timing is everything.
i'm just happy to be alive.
Nov 26, 2012
#internshipproblems
i never took the job from home depot.
i'm finding it difficult to have motivation to callback loblaws who have been after me for a couple of weeks now to set up an interview because i don't want a shitty, part-time job. and also, i just don't have the time for it.
since reading week ended, i've just been on the go nonstop. school is kicking my ass (but i'm still half-assing basically everything and rocking a 4.0 GPA. don't ask how; i have no idea).
i left my internship at metrolinx and realized i could never survive in an office environment with too many ridiculous, condescending people. i was overwhelmed and stressed out, which never happens. i just didn't know how to deal. i had no words. and i shouldn't have any words when i'm giving out free labour to a company that doesn't know what they want out of their free labour. asking questions got me no where and lead to aggressive responses that were completely uncalled for. not to mention, the issues with space for me being on site and the limited access to information for what i needed to do for them, eventually.
it just wasn't worth my time. and my coordinator didn't exactly make the issue any easier. i decided to use my own connections, networking, contacts, and cuteness (c'mon, you gotta give me that one) to talk to a bunch of companies and organizations that would appreciate an intern of my caliber. i got really far in a few companies who i'm still waiting to reply back (but, being around the beginning and middle of november, almost every internship placement won't start again until december or january). and i assumed that i would be without a placement until january. i was cool with that until i got a strange email.
i received an email from the globe and mail, one of our original program internship placements, saying that my coordinator had selected me as the second intern for their placement. i was thrown off by this because my coordinator hadn't said a word to me about this happening -- and then proceeded to let it slide until i approached her about it. and that pretty much settled it; i had to throw the majority of all the people i was talking to about becoming an intern at their organization under the bus. uhhh, thanks for playing, but my coordinator decided my fate without telling me and now i look like a fucking asshole and have ruined my name if i ever wanted to actually work for those companies.
god damnit.
so, now i'm an intern at the globe and mail, getting to work alongside a wonderful dude from my program. and i guess that's a plus. but there's just so much more i wanted out of this internship which is not even worth any course credit. it's just an addition to the program. i met with globe and mail this past friday and they're going to help me get set up. but, there's only 3 weeks left in the semester and i told them not to rush things. i'll just focus on my remaining schoolwork and start fresh in the new year. and then i'll be counting down the days until i'm finished and not returning to school in september.
2 terrible years of grad school are enough for me, i think.
i'm finding it difficult to have motivation to callback loblaws who have been after me for a couple of weeks now to set up an interview because i don't want a shitty, part-time job. and also, i just don't have the time for it.
since reading week ended, i've just been on the go nonstop. school is kicking my ass (but i'm still half-assing basically everything and rocking a 4.0 GPA. don't ask how; i have no idea).
i left my internship at metrolinx and realized i could never survive in an office environment with too many ridiculous, condescending people. i was overwhelmed and stressed out, which never happens. i just didn't know how to deal. i had no words. and i shouldn't have any words when i'm giving out free labour to a company that doesn't know what they want out of their free labour. asking questions got me no where and lead to aggressive responses that were completely uncalled for. not to mention, the issues with space for me being on site and the limited access to information for what i needed to do for them, eventually.
it just wasn't worth my time. and my coordinator didn't exactly make the issue any easier. i decided to use my own connections, networking, contacts, and cuteness (c'mon, you gotta give me that one) to talk to a bunch of companies and organizations that would appreciate an intern of my caliber. i got really far in a few companies who i'm still waiting to reply back (but, being around the beginning and middle of november, almost every internship placement won't start again until december or january). and i assumed that i would be without a placement until january. i was cool with that until i got a strange email.
i received an email from the globe and mail, one of our original program internship placements, saying that my coordinator had selected me as the second intern for their placement. i was thrown off by this because my coordinator hadn't said a word to me about this happening -- and then proceeded to let it slide until i approached her about it. and that pretty much settled it; i had to throw the majority of all the people i was talking to about becoming an intern at their organization under the bus. uhhh, thanks for playing, but my coordinator decided my fate without telling me and now i look like a fucking asshole and have ruined my name if i ever wanted to actually work for those companies.
god damnit.
so, now i'm an intern at the globe and mail, getting to work alongside a wonderful dude from my program. and i guess that's a plus. but there's just so much more i wanted out of this internship which is not even worth any course credit. it's just an addition to the program. i met with globe and mail this past friday and they're going to help me get set up. but, there's only 3 weeks left in the semester and i told them not to rush things. i'll just focus on my remaining schoolwork and start fresh in the new year. and then i'll be counting down the days until i'm finished and not returning to school in september.
2 terrible years of grad school are enough for me, i think.
Jul 19, 2012
the social media break up
i can guarantee it's happened to you, whether you actually knew about it or not: the social media break up.
because, yes, we've gotten to a point where the only logical thing to do when you don't want to see or hang out with somebody anymore is to "remove and delete them from life". you have the power. you have the ability. technology is right there to embrace whatever you want to do. you can throw out people like nobody's business (and i'm waiting to see how many friends i'm losing after this blog post.... ha!)
technology has come so far and we've only grown a little.
about a month ago, i met a dude at a party and things seemed to go okay. he had a childish charm that, while i was drunk, made me laugh. and that's fine. except he was supposed to be mature. and have his life figured out. and was doing a lot of things i couldn't even begin to understand. we exchanged numbers and facebooks to plan hangs. sure, he was kind of cute. but there was something about him that just made me really uneasy and i was soon to find out what that was.
neither of us wanted things to move too quickly, so we spent many weeks texting to try to get together. he'd text me a bunch of times during the day about nothing in particular. it started to get sort of annoying and i didn't always respond. what i didn't need was another stage 5 clinger. i had enough of those encounters already in 2012 and hoped he wasn't one of them. eventually, we made plans with some mutual friends to go to an event. it was great since i was definitely not comfortable hanging out on our own yet -- there was still something about him that gave me a strange feeling.
to my horror, some other friends bailed at the last minute and i was now stuck on a double date. fuck. okay. so we walked around and looked at things. we drank some beer. he talked a lot. he also seemed really nervous. i didn't know what to think. i can't even remember a single thing we talked about. i just found him extremely dull. this was not the dude i met at that party. at the end of the evening, he ended up buying me something cute -- probably to win me back. it didn't really work but hey, that was a good effort. i left him with a hug and went to meet up with other friends to try and analyze what just happened.
so, what happened? well, besides the fact that he was boring, nervous, talked a lot, didn't really get along with any of the friends that were with us and just didn't seem comfortable being with me -- there was also just no fucking spark. no connection. i couldn't see anything in him worth going after. there were a few common interests but not nearly enough to get by. we were pretty much doomed from the start.
i just knew that he knew things between us weren't as good as they should have been after that night. i likely texted saying i had a good time even though i didn't. and i'm pretty sure he responded saying he did too. but then we never texted again. and for good reason. it wasn't until lately when i noticed we were no longer friends on facebook either. i was a little relieved. recently, i did my own social media break up and got rid of at least 30 "friends" that i haven't talked to in months or years -- or they were those stage 5 clingers/stalkers i mentioned before. i figured i may have removed him in that purge or maybe he did it to me. i guess we will never know. and really, i don't give a fuck.
sure, it's not so easy when it's somebody i might actually care about. there are a lot of those friends out there that may not feel the same way about me. and that sucks since i hold friendships quite close to me. social media has just made breaking off friendships and bad dates so much easier leaving most friends none the wiser until it's too late.
so please, i'm asking all of you to remember those manners your mommy once taught you to be polite. because i'd appreciate a reason as to why we're no longer friends. it's simple: tell me you hate the things i post on facebook. tell me you're in love with me and i don't feel the same. tell me you find me annoying. tell me i'm boring. tell me you hate the sarcastic things i say. tell me you're tired of my simpsons quotes.
just tell me something before you remove me from your life forever, okay?
because the absolute worst thing you can do to me is keep me wondering what it was that made you lose interest in me.
because, yes, we've gotten to a point where the only logical thing to do when you don't want to see or hang out with somebody anymore is to "remove and delete them from life". you have the power. you have the ability. technology is right there to embrace whatever you want to do. you can throw out people like nobody's business (and i'm waiting to see how many friends i'm losing after this blog post.... ha!)
technology has come so far and we've only grown a little.
about a month ago, i met a dude at a party and things seemed to go okay. he had a childish charm that, while i was drunk, made me laugh. and that's fine. except he was supposed to be mature. and have his life figured out. and was doing a lot of things i couldn't even begin to understand. we exchanged numbers and facebooks to plan hangs. sure, he was kind of cute. but there was something about him that just made me really uneasy and i was soon to find out what that was.
neither of us wanted things to move too quickly, so we spent many weeks texting to try to get together. he'd text me a bunch of times during the day about nothing in particular. it started to get sort of annoying and i didn't always respond. what i didn't need was another stage 5 clinger. i had enough of those encounters already in 2012 and hoped he wasn't one of them. eventually, we made plans with some mutual friends to go to an event. it was great since i was definitely not comfortable hanging out on our own yet -- there was still something about him that gave me a strange feeling.
to my horror, some other friends bailed at the last minute and i was now stuck on a double date. fuck. okay. so we walked around and looked at things. we drank some beer. he talked a lot. he also seemed really nervous. i didn't know what to think. i can't even remember a single thing we talked about. i just found him extremely dull. this was not the dude i met at that party. at the end of the evening, he ended up buying me something cute -- probably to win me back. it didn't really work but hey, that was a good effort. i left him with a hug and went to meet up with other friends to try and analyze what just happened.
so, what happened? well, besides the fact that he was boring, nervous, talked a lot, didn't really get along with any of the friends that were with us and just didn't seem comfortable being with me -- there was also just no fucking spark. no connection. i couldn't see anything in him worth going after. there were a few common interests but not nearly enough to get by. we were pretty much doomed from the start.
i just knew that he knew things between us weren't as good as they should have been after that night. i likely texted saying i had a good time even though i didn't. and i'm pretty sure he responded saying he did too. but then we never texted again. and for good reason. it wasn't until lately when i noticed we were no longer friends on facebook either. i was a little relieved. recently, i did my own social media break up and got rid of at least 30 "friends" that i haven't talked to in months or years -- or they were those stage 5 clingers/stalkers i mentioned before. i figured i may have removed him in that purge or maybe he did it to me. i guess we will never know. and really, i don't give a fuck.
sure, it's not so easy when it's somebody i might actually care about. there are a lot of those friends out there that may not feel the same way about me. and that sucks since i hold friendships quite close to me. social media has just made breaking off friendships and bad dates so much easier leaving most friends none the wiser until it's too late.
so please, i'm asking all of you to remember those manners your mommy once taught you to be polite. because i'd appreciate a reason as to why we're no longer friends. it's simple: tell me you hate the things i post on facebook. tell me you're in love with me and i don't feel the same. tell me you find me annoying. tell me i'm boring. tell me you hate the sarcastic things i say. tell me you're tired of my simpsons quotes.
just tell me something before you remove me from your life forever, okay?
because the absolute worst thing you can do to me is keep me wondering what it was that made you lose interest in me.
Mar 30, 2012
life stories for minimum wage
i have applied for 32 jobs in the past month. i have one interview on monday for steamwhistle.
about four years ago, i was dating this dude who, at the time, was much older than me -- like, 6 or 7 years older. when you're 20 dating a 26/27 year old, you tend to get some strange ideas about life. or maybe it was just the dude himself. he had a job working for a call centre. the pay was steady. he had his own car. he could afford things. but he still lived at home and he didn't quite see a need for 'advancement' or 'promotion' in his work or personal life just yet. there were many reasons as to why we never lasted, but i'm not about to get into those now.
during that summer, we had a tendency to go to many parties. i also felt weird bringing my much older boyfriend to parties and pub outings with my friends as we were all early 20s and many of my friends could never see eye to eye with the dude on any level. i also had this problem on several occasions. but yes, not to get into that. i figured he would have the same problem when he brought me to parties with his friends. and yet, this would never be the case.
at one party in particular, we showed up sort of late and the majority of everyone was already wasted. there was a bonfire in the backyard. nobody looked like they were drinking heavily. inside, people were talking music and i remember being a part of the conversation. the inside folk didn't seem too much more 'mature' or 'adult' than me at 20 years old and it made me feel better about myself. when i adventured outside, i conversed with 4 or 5 girls about nothing specific until one of them asked me a question i had only heard in tv shows/movies: "so, amber, what do you do?"
i wish there would have been some kind of visual interpretation of my mind going a mile a minute (or rather, this as being more appropriate) as i tried to figure out how to respond to the question. here i was, talking to a bunch of people older than me with these grown up jobs and careers in industries that i definitely did not want to be a part of later in life. i felt as if i told them i was finishing up school to get my bachelor's degree in tourism and environment, i would be totally out of place and shunned for my attempts at higher education. i already knew that most of these people at the party had never went on to post-secondary education.
i'm positive that by the time i answered this question, like 3 solid minutes of silence (i.e., thinking, collectively attributed to my state of drunk at the time) had gone by before i told them that i worked in a library. i could sense sighs of relief from these girls as a couple of them asked me follow up questions of what i do/which library and so on, which i of course had no problem answering.
ever since that fateful night, i've never been asked that dreaded question again. yes, i now hold in my hands a bachelor's degree and in 3 weeks, i'll have a post-graduate certificate. next september, i'll likely be heading back to school for another post-graduate certificate -- because i just can't land a job. many of the parties i've been to in the last year were filled with people just like me: students, undergraduate or graduate, or recent graduates trying to find a job/career.
the job market still sucks. i've applied to everything and everyone for practically anything where i meet some or all of the requirements. and i can't even get a callback for an interview, minus the one for steamwhistle next week.
so maybe the "what do you do?" question is on it's way out -- an obsolete question to ask people in a post-recession era whether you've had a job or career in the past. perhaps a better question to ask would be "how's the job search going?" or "how's the job market treating you?" or "are you in school?"
at lease these questions are a bit more open ended and specific so this way, when you try to tell people that you're a recent graduate who's unemployed and can't find a job in this job market/recession, they won't look at you like you're a crazy son of a bitch.
but hey -- does that not describe like 95% of all recent graduates right now?
about four years ago, i was dating this dude who, at the time, was much older than me -- like, 6 or 7 years older. when you're 20 dating a 26/27 year old, you tend to get some strange ideas about life. or maybe it was just the dude himself. he had a job working for a call centre. the pay was steady. he had his own car. he could afford things. but he still lived at home and he didn't quite see a need for 'advancement' or 'promotion' in his work or personal life just yet. there were many reasons as to why we never lasted, but i'm not about to get into those now.
during that summer, we had a tendency to go to many parties. i also felt weird bringing my much older boyfriend to parties and pub outings with my friends as we were all early 20s and many of my friends could never see eye to eye with the dude on any level. i also had this problem on several occasions. but yes, not to get into that. i figured he would have the same problem when he brought me to parties with his friends. and yet, this would never be the case.
at one party in particular, we showed up sort of late and the majority of everyone was already wasted. there was a bonfire in the backyard. nobody looked like they were drinking heavily. inside, people were talking music and i remember being a part of the conversation. the inside folk didn't seem too much more 'mature' or 'adult' than me at 20 years old and it made me feel better about myself. when i adventured outside, i conversed with 4 or 5 girls about nothing specific until one of them asked me a question i had only heard in tv shows/movies: "so, amber, what do you do?"
i wish there would have been some kind of visual interpretation of my mind going a mile a minute (or rather, this as being more appropriate) as i tried to figure out how to respond to the question. here i was, talking to a bunch of people older than me with these grown up jobs and careers in industries that i definitely did not want to be a part of later in life. i felt as if i told them i was finishing up school to get my bachelor's degree in tourism and environment, i would be totally out of place and shunned for my attempts at higher education. i already knew that most of these people at the party had never went on to post-secondary education.
i'm positive that by the time i answered this question, like 3 solid minutes of silence (i.e., thinking, collectively attributed to my state of drunk at the time) had gone by before i told them that i worked in a library. i could sense sighs of relief from these girls as a couple of them asked me follow up questions of what i do/which library and so on, which i of course had no problem answering.
ever since that fateful night, i've never been asked that dreaded question again. yes, i now hold in my hands a bachelor's degree and in 3 weeks, i'll have a post-graduate certificate. next september, i'll likely be heading back to school for another post-graduate certificate -- because i just can't land a job. many of the parties i've been to in the last year were filled with people just like me: students, undergraduate or graduate, or recent graduates trying to find a job/career.
the job market still sucks. i've applied to everything and everyone for practically anything where i meet some or all of the requirements. and i can't even get a callback for an interview, minus the one for steamwhistle next week.
so maybe the "what do you do?" question is on it's way out -- an obsolete question to ask people in a post-recession era whether you've had a job or career in the past. perhaps a better question to ask would be "how's the job search going?" or "how's the job market treating you?" or "are you in school?"
at lease these questions are a bit more open ended and specific so this way, when you try to tell people that you're a recent graduate who's unemployed and can't find a job in this job market/recession, they won't look at you like you're a crazy son of a bitch.
but hey -- does that not describe like 95% of all recent graduates right now?
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