you might recall about a year ago, i was in a really bad place. i wrote countless blog posts about how everything in my life, including, well, me living a life, turned to absolute shit very quickly.
it was a combination of falling ill for 6+ months and losing my job where i wasn't sure things could get any worse. but let this be a lesson to everyone: the minute you think nothing is going to get worse from where you are, you're wrong. so very wrong. when you're ill for 6+ months, you pick up other sicknesses on the way and lose any and all hope you ever had that you were going to get better at some point. you lose track of who you are, physically and mentally. i got lucky that the severity of my symptoms were limited and that it was diagnosed and treated correctly the first time without my body rejecting the antibiotics. i got lucky that i had a strong family and friends base to keep me going. but it became arduous to keep on explaining to anyone who asked what was wrong with me. i wanted to believe it was something more than what the doctors kept telling me. how did everyone else get over this easily? why was it only me that had these issues? why was i the only one who needed to be hospitalized several times with no end in sight?
"why me?" was a phrase i uttered too many times during the course of treatment. nurses and doctors continued to greet me with looks of disappointment.
"i thought i told you the last time you were here that i didn't want to see you again" i wish i had an answer. "
you might just have to be on antibiotic treatment for the rest of your life" were words that chill me to the bone to this day.
and maybe it was the stress of my job. or maybe it was that dude i was with awhile back i knew nothing about. maybe it's diet. maybe it's environmental factors. whatever it was, i wouldn't wish what i went through on anyone. i'd be a very happy girl if i never had to set foot in a doctor's office or hospital again.
a year ago, the life i had was taken from me abruptly and i was now bound to a life of "sorry, i can't hang out, i'm in the hospital". i'll always remember november 2013 of the worst month of my life up until that point.
but by january 2014, things began to change yet again. symptoms persisted and i knew i had to be strong. i was hired on at a job which i love, despite me not being able to make rent. i pressed on to events i wanted to go to and simpsons trivia nights that let us win first place a number of times. in july, i met a great dude who wasn't from the internet. yes, a real dude. and he's showing me what a real relationship is supposed to be like. it's amazing and only continues to get better as time goes on.
so, maybe things have to reach an all time low at some point before things ever start to get better. just try not to be deceived when what you think is the bottom ends up to be actually be further than you thought.
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