and i can't breathe deeply enough to fill me with every disappointment

i think everyone has that one album they listen to when life is both good and bad. it's your fallback. that one album that can give you the highest of highs but also make you feel as sad as you want to be, given the circumstances.

that band for me is misery signals and the album is of malice and the magnum heart. 

yes, it's screamy. yes, it's loud. yes, it's fantastic. but after every happy moment in my life and every disappointment, this album was here for me, ready to be played. every heartache. every fight. every wake up routine. every walk to a job interview. every exciting moment. and the few times i've been able to see misery signals live were incredible, minus the original members that made the actual album, as the band changed members continuously after the album.

so, when misery signals decided to do a 10 year anniversary reunion tour playing of malice and the magnum heart from start to finish, you can bet i was there that wonderful night at the opera house on august 23, 2014. and as the playlist went on and i fought back tears from all of those disappointing memories rushing back, i realized this album was the only album that got me through the last 10 years.

and i know i wasn't the only one who felt this way. a sold out crowd at the opera house could tell you the same thing. although i'd like to say that my life, moving forward, will no longer have any associated disappointment, at least i know i'll have a contingency plan that will keep me fighting the good fight.

this is not my favourite song but it shows just how amazing the band and the crowd was that night. listen to the full album of malice and the magnum heart here.

first assignment

it took 3 weeks to start and finish my first grad school assignment.

unfortunately, the assignment was a joke -- an email message worth 10%. it was almost too easy. but it was for my ridiculous technical writing class. i assume that everything will be just that easy.

sunday, i hit up wayne gretzky's for their caesar special and wings. monday, i had late class and was picked on for an answer from the readings that i did read but  i didn't have much of a clue what it was that i read in environmental law. i was quick to react and answered accordingly. i was only picked on once, thankfully.

tuesday, i checked out a speaker from u of t's disorientation week. i saw dr. sunera thobani and her reflections on the tenth anniversary of september 11th. it was profound and gave me a lot to think about. i was happy i went. i also picked up some groceries and used them throughout the week (for my sake, they were milk, orange juice, pork and veggie dumplings, shrimp, a spanish onion, and bananas.)

thursday after class, i met up with tyler for dinner and we went to the firkin on church. it was good to hang for a bit and unwind. i awoke friday morning as per the normal time, 6am, to be in class by 8am, only to find that via text that my class was cancelled. except that i was already on the bus to school by the time i found out. so... i had 3 hours to kill. but so did a bunch of other people in my program and steve and his friend joined us eventually as well because their prof was an hour late for class. we played cards and hung out while we all wished we were still in bed rather than at school.

friday evening, i went out to the labryinth and the barn for the homohop. the lab was neat. i might go back at some point. i pretty much only stayed for one drink at the barn. sorry, corey! at least i made an appearance. saturday afternoon, i met up with steve to go to mod club for misery signals. we stuck around for structures and headed to sneaky dee's for nachos. we headed back in time for misery signals and after the burial, who played with 2 8 string guitars for the majority of the set. it was unreal.

after the show, we walked over to einsteins and ran into heather and jackie; a nice surprise! we drank cheap pitchers long into the night and stopped at mcdonalds as per usual. i can see myself going back there sometime too. yesterday afternoon, i completed that assignment we were to do on friday but class was cancelled and made perogies for dinner.

saturday will be my first nuit blanche! ....if i end up going to it, that is. let's make a plan, friends!

second thoughts

i'm having second thoughts.

not about living in toronto. fuck, it still rules. mostly about school. it's getting to be beyond an actual joke. rarely am i listening. i find myself daydreaming about everything half the time. my heart (and my mind) just doesn't seem to be into it. i'm hoping that will change soon when i have stuff to do. readings? yeah, whatever. i paid for those books so obviously i'm going to read them. but i don't feel as though i have learned anything yet.

on monday, we had our first environmental law class. besides the teacher being super intense (turn off your phone, picks on classmates at random (and makes fun of their university? ...the fuck), spends most of the 3 hours of class talking about a bunch of case studies but doesn't actually give out a syllabus, i felt like i could learn something from this course. perhaps. i don't know a whole lot about environmental law. but as of a week, i still have no clue what it is we're going to do in that class or what we'll actually learn.

we had to discuss our dream environmental project in the project management class. nobody knew where he wanted us to go with it. i felt really terrible when he yelled at the one lady for not wanting to put up her dream project on the board. she's international; maybe she can't write well? there were a lot of things to consider when she said no. fuck, the teacher was so rude. she ended up leaving. good for her. don't take his fucking shit.

exciting parts of this week: wednesday's snakes and lattes. we played apples to apples, jenga, and formula d. all of which were so cool. that place is wicked. i won a round of apples to apples. i haven't played that game in forever. thursday, i had one class. i commuted all the way to school to be in class for an hour and a half instead of 3 hours. i almost felt ripped off, but at least i was home sooner. unfortunately, i had nothing to do that night.

friday morning, i went to that english writing class and wanted to shoot myself. tone, discourse, proper writing techniques to 'get the message across'. ugh. this is the only class that actually kills me and i wish i didn't have to take it. i went out for a few beers friday night to the only cafe and it ruled by serving creemore. i can see myself needing beers every friday after that class.

finally, i'm super stoked to be going to see misery signals next weekend. they played L3 back in second  year and it was a fantastic show. here's hoping next week is better than this week. enjoy this clip of one of my favourite songs!