i know

i know that look.

i can't tell you how many times i've had to deal with that look. there's the good one and the bad one. and i get a mixture of both, and everything in between.

there's that look i caught you in the night we met. that seems like forever ago now. the conversation was going on at the other end of the table and there you were, staring right at me. i caught you and my shy self saw it as nothing. well, i saw it as something. i saw it as intrigue because i too was interested in what we were about to do here. sometime later, while i rested my head on you chest, i told you about that night when i saw you staring at me. you laughed it off like it was nothing. it was far from nothing. i know that look.

there's that look i get where i know your every intention. we all went out one night and i wanted to see how you would act. you did almost everything i thought you would, except for one. you barely said a word to me the entire night. but whether that was your play or your awkward self, it didn't change the way i was certain you felt about me. you used to ask me how things were going. at that party, you told me i was pretty. until you realized i didn't come to that party alone. when you spoke up in front of everyone, trying to help me out - that was the look. your circumstances may have changed, but i still see that look. i know that fucking look even if you don't.

there's that look that makes you do a double take. there's that look that says i'm too young to be dealing with this shit. there's that look that i can see you think i'm faking it. but nobody in their right mind would fake something like this. nobody should have to live like i do. there's that look i see when you're not trying to see me. there's that polite look that extends my faith in humanity for another second. there's that look that screams doubt and uncertainty. there's that look of sadness and disappointment. there's a look of your heart breaking and believe me, mine does the same.

but that look you gave me the last time i saw you was what made my heart hurt the most. i wasn't alone and your look changed almost immediately after that realization. you continued to press on like nothing had changed. and we'll continue to play this game as it shapes our past, present, and future.

all because of that fucking look.