sometimes, i forget

hi!

contrary to popular belief, this blog (and i) still exist. i've just been busy. and lazy. mostly just lazy. whatever. here's what's up:

1. progressed onto second semester of year 2 grad school 
yes, i passed first semester with honours grades. i don't know how, but i'm pretty happy about that. in exam week, i had to write 4 papers. that sucked. but i managed to get through it. i could review the semester but i just don't see the point. the semester fucking sucked. it was terrible beyond words, except for 2 classes and 2 profs. making friends with my program classmates was exciting, though. i guess that's sort of why i didn't want to drop the program entirely since everybody ruled.  

second semester is a bit different and seems tougher. i'll figure it out, though. i always do. i have a dick for a prof who seems to be flip flopping back and forth between saying he's not an environmentalist and telling me that he is all about saving the world. i imagine this is only going to get worse for me in the next few weeks as i can't even take the dude seriously and just zone out for the majority of his class. he noticed me zoning out last week and called me out on it. but i snapped back to reality and answered his question. amber: 1, prof: 0 

i'm still hanging out at globe and mail. i actually started the first week back and i think i'll be writing a section of their sustainability report. or something along those lines. i'm not sure they know what they want. but i'm willing to compromise on something that fits. i'm there on mondays. i'm also working on an ecopreneurship business plan focusing on the outsourcing of recyclable toothbrushes in toronto. yeah, sustainability is pretty neat sometimes.

oh, and i also picked up this little number:

graduate certificate in project management - environmental

 and got my sustainability hero, bob willard, to sign his book:

2. holidays!
my holiday break was well needed. i spent some quality time at home for about ten days and hung out with the family and occasionally saw some friends. took a trip to 'merica and smuggled back some shock top raspberry wheat. my brother and i completed the halo 4 campaign. i ate turkey. y'know, usual holiday stuff.

i came back and saw lots of friends that i didn't see too much over the past 2 months since school was crazy busy. i threw a new years eve party and that was fun. corey puked. michelle puked. people got naked. i made out and looked after sick friends. maybe not in that order. y'know, again, usual party stuff. before i knew it, the break was over and i was back at school.

3. dudes/friends/jobs/whatever 
i'm not seeing anyone. it's a strange feeling but it's been this way since november. i actually sort of like it. i've spent a lot of time on myself the past few months and have been very self-reflective on my actions. it's something i probably should have done awhile back but never did. yeah, i'm interested in some dudes but they barely seem to be worth my time to go after, so i just don't.  i'm busy and recently got addicted to halo 4 online multiplayer. that's my new boyfriend -- schooling 9 year olds at halo 4.

friends are cool. i've reconnected with a few that were on their way out. lost a couple but i'm thankful for that. staying clear of dudes for awhile put my true friends in perspective and i was ready to accept that. purged everybody i didn't care about from my facebook and moved on. including, y'know, that dude from before and all his friends. i let go (although, i did a long time ago.. too) but he didn't. i hope he finally got the hint and will just stop trying to contact me.

jobs? fuck that. i guess i'll be restarting my job hunt very soon. i've been looking at openings and applied to a couple. my hopes are not up, though. i'll be re-vamping my resume and all that shit too. the dream is to land a job in 2013. go big or go home, right?

some day soon, i'm sure i'll have something pretty interesting to talk about that's not a general update on the fact that i've been MIA for almost 2 months.

oh, and i added master chief to my halo megablocks collection.

#internshipproblems

i never took the job from home depot.

i'm finding it difficult to have motivation to callback loblaws who have been after me for a couple of weeks now to set up an interview because i don't want a shitty, part-time job. and also, i just don't have the time for it.

since reading week ended, i've just been on the go nonstop. school is kicking my ass (but i'm still half-assing basically everything and rocking a 4.0 GPA. don't ask how; i have no idea).

i left my internship at metrolinx and realized i could never survive in an office environment with too many ridiculous, condescending people. i was overwhelmed and stressed out, which never happens. i just didn't know how to deal. i had no words. and i shouldn't have any words when i'm giving out free labour to a company that doesn't know what they want out of their free labour. asking questions got me no where and lead to aggressive responses that were completely uncalled for. not to mention, the issues with space for me being on site and the limited access to information for what i needed to do for them, eventually.

it just wasn't worth my time. and my coordinator didn't exactly make the issue any easier. i decided to use my own connections, networking, contacts, and cuteness (c'mon, you gotta give me that one) to talk to a bunch of companies and organizations that would appreciate an intern of my caliber. i got really far in a few companies who i'm still waiting to reply back (but, being around the beginning and middle of november, almost every internship placement won't start again until december or january). and i assumed that i would be without a placement until january. i was cool with that until i got a strange email.

i received an email from the globe and mail, one of our original program internship placements, saying that my coordinator had selected me as the second intern for their placement. i was thrown off by this because my coordinator hadn't said a word to me about this happening -- and then proceeded to let it slide until i approached her about it. and that pretty much settled it; i had to throw the majority of all the people i was talking to about becoming an intern at their organization under the bus. uhhh, thanks for playing, but my coordinator decided my fate without telling me and now i look like a fucking asshole and have ruined my name if i ever wanted to actually work for those companies.

god damnit.

so, now i'm an intern at the globe and mail, getting to work alongside a wonderful dude from my program. and i guess that's a plus. but there's just so much more i wanted out of this internship which is not even worth any course credit. it's just an addition to the program. i met with globe and mail this past friday and they're going to help me get set up. but, there's only 3 weeks left in the semester and i told them not to rush things. i'll just focus on my remaining schoolwork and start fresh in the new year. and then i'll be counting down the days until i'm finished and not returning to school in september.

2 terrible years of grad school are enough for me, i think.

the last first week of school

that was a fast summer for not working in paid employment.

i'm back at school now. another graduate certificate. this time around: green business management. i've regaled my classmates of the horrors of last year's program and the way that only one dude was able to get a job in the field... which just so happened to be his dream company. it's difficult to remain optimistic in these troubled times.

but, fortunately this time around, the program doesn't feel like a joke. i'm already busy working away on assignments, papers, and presentations. perhaps this is where i can find whatever is left of my motivation to be in school again for the 7th year. i now have more education experience on my resume than work experience. that also means my student debt is pretty fucking outrageous. yet, my options were limited. i could have scrapped school and kept on with my unemployed job search -- to what end? i probably would have been more miserable if i didn't go to school.

i took the last couple weeks of my summer off from the job hunt. mostly, because i was tired of it and there wasn't many places that were worth my time in order to apply. i have every right to be a picky motherfucker and aim for the jobs i feel are the best fit for me -- personality wise and education wise. and to my surprise, i have an interview with seneca on thursday afternoon for a marketing and communications position. it's part-time and works around my schedule. considering the majority of my summer was spent working on market research, marketing campaigns, promotions and so on, i feel like this could be extremely beneficial to me.

in fact, during the first week of school, one of my professors called me out on potentially being a marketing student. he explained to me that when i answered his question, he immediately thought i had a marketing background based on my answer. well, fuck -- i guess the summer internship and project management program paid off somehow.

i've also been up to some pretty fun things lately. i became an orientation staff member for u of t during the parade, concert (kardinal offishall, le sera, & anjulie), and after party. last year, i was an orientation leader volunteer -- basically, i got to do whatever was needed. in that case, i did security for sam roberts. i was pretty ecstatic about doing that. this year, however, as a staff member, i was to manage and look after my volunteers. i ran the carnival area and food trucks. i back marshalled the parade and ensured the parade went smoothly. and then i went to guvernment for the after party -- the first time i've ever been there, and i monitored the lineup for too many underage drunk kids and tried to be as helpful as possible by shuttling people home on the right buses. i left at 1am for home because i could no longer take the stabbing pain in my legs and feet that proved how great of a time i had that day.

fucked up. he's the love of my life.

i won VIP tickets to riot fest in toronto too from exclaim. i was stoked on that. got to see fucked up, descendents, hot water music, nofx, and less than jake. i saw fucked up back in february at steamwhistle -- and it was amazing. the last time i saw less than jake and nofx was in grade 9 and 10, respectively. less than jake at the international centre way back and nofx at warped tour once. i was never really that into the descendents so we didn't stick around for too much of their set. and hot water music was pretty great because chuck ragan is super rad. i wish i knew more songs, though. 

VIP tickets

1 week down, 14 more to do for this semester. and i'll only have 2 or less exams for this semester. finally -- a program that doesn't require final exams testing how well i can memorize concepts and regurgitate information.

first day of grad school

today was my first day of grad school.

i had one class and it started at 8am. which meant that i needed to be up at 6am and out of my apartment before 7am in order to arrive to class on time. and that's not including the ridiculous strike traffic. i rolled out of bed and dreaded the day ahead.

i left around 6:40am and did the zombie walk to the subway. grabbed the subway easily and rode to finch where i just barely made the express bus to school. i made it to school by 7:30am. now i know that i can leave a little later tomorrow when i have to do it all again, and once again on friday. yes, i have 3 8am classes a week. this is not the grad school classes i imagined. hopefully next semester will be better.

it felt strange to be back in the classroom. i looked around and knew nobody. there was a definite age gap in my classmates. where were my TREN girls at? no where. it was depressing. the professor was late so the coordinator took over until he got there. this is when the coordinator told me to switch my one class to the other 8am on friday. i was not happy. class flew by and we didn't do much, similar to most of the first day introductions i've been in before.

i made friends with the two girls next to me who seemed to be remotely my age and i walked with the one over to admissions after class. she had the same problem as me: seneca needed 'proof of degree' from her. admissions opened at 10am and my class got out at 9:50am. the admissions lineup was all the way down the hall and almost around the corner when i got there. seeing as i had really nothing else to do today, i waited. and i waited. and i fucking waited. i waited an hour and 20 minutes to talk to someone. she told me that i needed to send a new transcript and a photocopy of my degree/confirmation of graduation and changed the expiry to the end of september. she told me not to panic. clearly, i was not in panic mode. perhaps i look panicky when i'm awake at 6am.

i headed home shortly after while talking to some of the strike people about their issues and whatnot while waiting for the bus. i like to be informed. the bus at finch going to school when i arrived at finch station had so many people waiting. i was glad to be going the opposite direction. i made it home around 12:30pm with a quick stop in at subway for lunch.

over the weekend, i saw lutzenkirchen, got drunk, and went to the eaton centre. i talked to someone at the eaton centre sport chek about possibly getting a transfer (even though i only worked 2 shifts at the niagara falls one) and she told me to call her on wednesday to figure it all out. in the meantime, i applied to various retail jobs at the mall and am waiting to hear back... if i hear back at all.

i need a good night's sleep.