fuck you, july.
i can assume that this happens to everyone or i'm just the odd one out. you know that month in your life that's consistently shit? where everything terrible happens, seemingly almost all at once? for me, that's july.
it's actually a shame. july is that first time in toronto where summer is in full swing. school is done. the majority of people have found employment. it's hot and bothersome. several friends celebrate birthdays during this month. things are generally meant to be wholesome. things shouldn't go wrong. and yet, they always do.
in 2011, i got laid off from a job i liked. i was scrambling to find another. i quit another job to get more hours at the job i ended up getting laid off from. i was stuck living at home, without a job. my current relationship was dwindling and heading away from all things great. i was unhappy. i wanted to move to toronto already and have a fresh start. i needed to get away.
in 2012, things ended with a dude and it hurt. i had no job and no income. i was struggling to pay rent and live in toronto. i was stuck interviewing for jobs i didn't want, at wages i didn't care for, and still wasn't getting anywhere. i lost close friends. my friends went through challenges of their own and i felt awful for not being able to help them.
in typical july fashion, 2013 has been no different. i have no job. i have no income. i'm not dating anyone. i can barely afford to have a roof over my head. i've lost friends. i'm at a standstill on what to do. i don't want to leave toronto, but at the same time, i might need to do that if i can get a job, have an income, and start a new life some place else. things get fucked up around here and it's usually my own fault.
i've never had a full time job or full time income. i've been in school for the past 7 years. everything i've done has been school-related or seasonal. i don't have experiences in long-term employment or long-term dating. there are countless people in my life that shouldn't be in my life at all because i know they are holding me back. as i grow up, it's getting easier to let people and things go.
i needed things to be different but everything is still the same.
Showing posts with label 2011. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2011. Show all posts
Jul 18, 2013
Feb 27, 2013
yes/no
this isn't the first time i've struggled with the job search.
during the summer of the recession, i had a job arranged before the start of the summer. i was to work at marineland, before i was aware of any of the injustice of the place. had i known, i wouldn't have applied to work there. i spent a day "training" with your standard carnival folk; most missing a full set of teeth. i quickly realized this wasn't a place i wanted to be. so i called them out on it. i called them out on not hiring me for what i originally wanted to do. i called them out on extravagant uniform fees for a uniform that didn't fit me. i called them out on forcing me to stay the entire summer to get that uniform fee back, when they knew i wasn't going to be able to stay the entire summer due to prior commitments. and i called them out on the way they told me that i would be able to get transferred over to what i wanted to do at some point during the summer.
i did all of these things not to be a shit disturber, but to stand my own ground once i realized how terrible a place and employer marineland actually was. upon the end of training (which i was not paid for), i asked any of the supervisors if they even had a clue who i was. none of them were able to remember my name. i spent 9 hours with these people and caused more than one scene and they didn't have an idea who i was. i walked out of there just barely holding onto any dignity i had left.
i never looked back after that.
my move to toronto was a way for me to emerge into the expanding sustainability industry, since niagara seemed to lack all opportunities for growth and development in sustainability. i've completed an unpaid environmental internship with my program last year. i took on an unpaid internship for my first toronto summer to improve my skills that were underdeveloped and because i wasn't able to land something that paid. it's ongoing but has been at a bit of standstill since the end of the summer. i was never much of a believer in the dude running the internship as he had too many wild ideas that were not feasible for his target market. his vision was never clear to me. i think he only lasted through the summer with my help.
in january, i started my third internship in just over a year. yes, if you did your math correctly, i haven't worked in paid employment since august 2011. it's now nearly march of 2013. i rent an apartment in downtown toronto that is not cheap. OSAP gave me money for the school year, but it's running out fast with tuition and rent costs. i've always lived a pretty frugal lifestyle, but it's becoming a bit difficult. i've never had a "real" job. the majority of my working life has been seasonal, part-time, minimum wage jobs. the summer of 2007 and 2010 were the only summers where i had a full-time job; at $8.25 & $10.25 an hour, respectively. for 3 years, i worked somewhere in the 12-16 hours per week range with slightly above minimum wage pay. all that money i saved up is now gone -- tuition, rent, & expenses.
i bring all of this up because i had another interview for an unpaid internship this week. it's a start-up venture as a waste diversion not for profit organization. he's competing with the "big five" waste diversion companies who are for profit; whereas his client's donations would go to charity & expenses of the organization. i read this guy fairly well and he seems to have a passion for this type of thing, outside his lack of sustainability education. he's a businessman; and a successful one with several networks to make his business work. i could see that he and i were much the same, sharing similar passions and values for all things green and logical. he was a well grounded dude, and i really enjoyed that about him.
and as much as this would be a wonderful opportunity for me, i just can't take it because it doesn't pay. he would allow me to run things the way that i want; to educate, to edit, to write, to facilitate, and so on. he was more than eager to have me on his team as he knew how much i would be able to help his business. and i knew i could help him with ease. but he wasn't able to offer me something that pays, although he would like to do that. when i asked him about his timelines and goals for the business, he once again proved to have a solid understanding of where he wants to be, both as an individual and a business. but as a start-up venture, i can relate to the expenses of not being able to pay employees (hell; i've created the business plan for my own start-up venture and i can't afford to pay myself or my other investors on my team).
the bottom line? he knows what he's doing and i can see his business succeeding in the near future.
but right now, i need an organization that recognizes how i can benefit them and has the ability to pay me for my hard work and effort.
go go gadget... job?
during the summer of the recession, i had a job arranged before the start of the summer. i was to work at marineland, before i was aware of any of the injustice of the place. had i known, i wouldn't have applied to work there. i spent a day "training" with your standard carnival folk; most missing a full set of teeth. i quickly realized this wasn't a place i wanted to be. so i called them out on it. i called them out on not hiring me for what i originally wanted to do. i called them out on extravagant uniform fees for a uniform that didn't fit me. i called them out on forcing me to stay the entire summer to get that uniform fee back, when they knew i wasn't going to be able to stay the entire summer due to prior commitments. and i called them out on the way they told me that i would be able to get transferred over to what i wanted to do at some point during the summer.
i did all of these things not to be a shit disturber, but to stand my own ground once i realized how terrible a place and employer marineland actually was. upon the end of training (which i was not paid for), i asked any of the supervisors if they even had a clue who i was. none of them were able to remember my name. i spent 9 hours with these people and caused more than one scene and they didn't have an idea who i was. i walked out of there just barely holding onto any dignity i had left.
i never looked back after that.
my move to toronto was a way for me to emerge into the expanding sustainability industry, since niagara seemed to lack all opportunities for growth and development in sustainability. i've completed an unpaid environmental internship with my program last year. i took on an unpaid internship for my first toronto summer to improve my skills that were underdeveloped and because i wasn't able to land something that paid. it's ongoing but has been at a bit of standstill since the end of the summer. i was never much of a believer in the dude running the internship as he had too many wild ideas that were not feasible for his target market. his vision was never clear to me. i think he only lasted through the summer with my help.
in january, i started my third internship in just over a year. yes, if you did your math correctly, i haven't worked in paid employment since august 2011. it's now nearly march of 2013. i rent an apartment in downtown toronto that is not cheap. OSAP gave me money for the school year, but it's running out fast with tuition and rent costs. i've always lived a pretty frugal lifestyle, but it's becoming a bit difficult. i've never had a "real" job. the majority of my working life has been seasonal, part-time, minimum wage jobs. the summer of 2007 and 2010 were the only summers where i had a full-time job; at $8.25 & $10.25 an hour, respectively. for 3 years, i worked somewhere in the 12-16 hours per week range with slightly above minimum wage pay. all that money i saved up is now gone -- tuition, rent, & expenses.
i bring all of this up because i had another interview for an unpaid internship this week. it's a start-up venture as a waste diversion not for profit organization. he's competing with the "big five" waste diversion companies who are for profit; whereas his client's donations would go to charity & expenses of the organization. i read this guy fairly well and he seems to have a passion for this type of thing, outside his lack of sustainability education. he's a businessman; and a successful one with several networks to make his business work. i could see that he and i were much the same, sharing similar passions and values for all things green and logical. he was a well grounded dude, and i really enjoyed that about him.
and as much as this would be a wonderful opportunity for me, i just can't take it because it doesn't pay. he would allow me to run things the way that i want; to educate, to edit, to write, to facilitate, and so on. he was more than eager to have me on his team as he knew how much i would be able to help his business. and i knew i could help him with ease. but he wasn't able to offer me something that pays, although he would like to do that. when i asked him about his timelines and goals for the business, he once again proved to have a solid understanding of where he wants to be, both as an individual and a business. but as a start-up venture, i can relate to the expenses of not being able to pay employees (hell; i've created the business plan for my own start-up venture and i can't afford to pay myself or my other investors on my team).
the bottom line? he knows what he's doing and i can see his business succeeding in the near future.
but right now, i need an organization that recognizes how i can benefit them and has the ability to pay me for my hard work and effort.
go go gadget... job?
Jan 4, 2012
resolution
i have a tendency to make the same resolutions year after year. but they aren't those generic resolutions to eat better, lose weight, or work out more (which, are all related and let's face it; i don't really need to do any of those things).
no, my resolutions are of a different kind suited to my inner well-being rather than the exterior. and if i can simplify my resolution into two words:
better decision-making.
2011 was a rough year in any and almost all of the decisions i made. many were life-changing. many were wrong. and many were decisions i can never take back. but there was an upside to several of my decisions on occasion, so not everything was as bad as i'm making it out to be. in fact, i know exactly when things began to take a turn for the worst and pretty much just spiraled out of control. there were too many months where i felt as though i had reverted back to my 15 year old self through decisions that were made.
and hey, i loved my 15 year old self. just not enough to go back to it again.
generally, i'm a pretty fucking happy girl. i don't focus on negatives. i manage my stress effectively. i don't really shut people out and tend to give second chances when i probably shouldn't. i don't say a lot of mean things without sarcasm and hell, i love my friends and family to death. but my decision-making could always be better. and, i'll be honest: i was hurt more times than i can count in 2011.
a rejection from niagara meant i had no future; but opened up the scrambled possibility of moving to toronto and going to seneca.
i lost friends due to reasons beyond my control; but gained new ones (albeit who knows how much better some of them are).
i successfully ruined my longest relationship on more than one occasion; and well, i'm still waiting for the positive yang to my yin on this one.
2011 definitely overstayed its welcome.
here's to the new year:
- to keeping healthy;
- to being active;
- for good times with family and friends;
- for a better relationship to find me when the time is right; and
- to better, all around decision-making on my part.
cheers to 2012.
no, my resolutions are of a different kind suited to my inner well-being rather than the exterior. and if i can simplify my resolution into two words:
better decision-making.
2011 was a rough year in any and almost all of the decisions i made. many were life-changing. many were wrong. and many were decisions i can never take back. but there was an upside to several of my decisions on occasion, so not everything was as bad as i'm making it out to be. in fact, i know exactly when things began to take a turn for the worst and pretty much just spiraled out of control. there were too many months where i felt as though i had reverted back to my 15 year old self through decisions that were made.
and hey, i loved my 15 year old self. just not enough to go back to it again.
generally, i'm a pretty fucking happy girl. i don't focus on negatives. i manage my stress effectively. i don't really shut people out and tend to give second chances when i probably shouldn't. i don't say a lot of mean things without sarcasm and hell, i love my friends and family to death. but my decision-making could always be better. and, i'll be honest: i was hurt more times than i can count in 2011.
a rejection from niagara meant i had no future; but opened up the scrambled possibility of moving to toronto and going to seneca.
i lost friends due to reasons beyond my control; but gained new ones (albeit who knows how much better some of them are).
i successfully ruined my longest relationship on more than one occasion; and well, i'm still waiting for the positive yang to my yin on this one.
2011 definitely overstayed its welcome.
here's to the new year:
- to keeping healthy;
- to being active;
- for good times with family and friends;
- for a better relationship to find me when the time is right; and
- to better, all around decision-making on my part.
cheers to 2012.
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